You've seen those suspense movies where you think you have it all figured out and you're sure they are going to save the day with just a second to spare? But then they throw in a major screw ball twist that you didn't see coming! And that's the part where doubt creeps in... I know its only been a few weeks since my doctor gave me a glimmer of hope. But that sadly, was short lived. What I didn't mention is that when she walked me out of the exam room, she handed me a business card for the Pacific Fertility Center. And it's been burning a hole in my wallet ever since. I can't help but think what a waste of time it might be trying, unknowingly, in vain for the next few months. She handed it to me with a soft smile and told me to call it when I felt ready. Turns out: I'm ready for my close up.
Brian and I had talked a month or two ago and decided we weren't ready to shop for a fertility clinic just yet. But I don't feel that way anymore. I want a baby, and I'm tired of waiting. I'm not stressed. I'm not depressed. I'm just overdue. It's officially been a year this month since we started trying but it feels like an eternity. I have been back and forth with telling myself that we could be perfectly healthy and it really will just happen when its supposed to. But I'm kind of feeling that is just delusional cheerleadery bullshit. Yep. I think I need to make that phone call. SOON. I imagine that it will be at least a month or three before I can get an appointment anyway. Or I guess I really should be saying "we". It may not be me.... Sorry dear but that is a fact. One that I pray does not affect us... Here goes nothing.
***** Update: I just left the office to go outside and make the phone call and it turns out I need to do some routine testing through my doctor before I spend $325 on a 1 hour consultation. Yikes. 8/29/2008
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