Anniversary

Five years ago I married my soul mate

Today I am grateful for the life we have built together

Five years ago I still felt like a teenager

Today I am a woman, and someone's wife

Five years ago the thought of getting pregnant was still scary

Today the thought of not getting pregnant is scary

 Tonight we will celebrate all of the good times

And this might just help us forget a few of the bad....

Happy Anniversary Pie, I love you.

So You're Telling Me There's A Chance...

This is an article I stumbled across not too long ago regarding couples who have been trying to conceive for over a year. My personal doctor told me it typically takes 6 months. Great. And as I've said before every book I've read says that you should see a doctor if you have not successfully conceived within a year. Well here's a little something that says we actually have a shot in hell. It's called "Have Hope - Even After A Year". It goes on to talk about a new study presented at a reproductive medicine conference in Vienna, Austria, it showed that most healthy couples who haven't achieved pregnancy after one year of trying will ultimately conceive during the second year.

On that note. I made an appointment with a fertility specialist that works in my OBGYN's practice. It's on November 4Th. We will meet with her to discuss what our habits have been and what the first course of action should be. I'm thinking blood tests for me and a magazine with a sterilized cup for Brian. This is by no means an aggressive analysis. I'm just ready to take the first step. I'm not always an advocate of medical intervention, but I am a fan of getting my sanity back. Just like having a baby, trying to make one effects almost everything a woman does.

It effects the food I eat, it dictates the the beverages I drink - decaf, non alcoholic, sugarfree... It effects my social calendar and my overall happiness. All of the responsibilties with none of the perks. No count down until I get to meet this little person we've made, no grinning when I tell our acquaitances about my due date, none of the good stuff. We've known couples that took a well over a year to conceive. But my patience is fading. And so is my libido. Its time to make a move.

Nope.

Menses - men·ses - \Men"ses\ mehn-sees
pl.n. (used with a sing. or pl. verb)

• A period. Cyclic (monthly) flow of blood (menstruation) signifying ovulation, but failure to achieve pregnancy.

•  Menses - the monthly discharge of blood from the uterus of nonpregnant women from puberty to menopause.
  

Dear Diary: I'm Still Not Pregnant

If you've read more than one of my posts you 'd know that I truly have run the full gamut of emotions. I'm fine, I'm a mess, I'm confident, I'm spiteful, desperate, cynical, hopeful; you were there, you get the point.

I think even before we started trying something inside told me this would not go easily for me. Hence being so adamant about not telling anyone we were trying to begin with. In the last few months I have began to seek more and more solace from various sites on the Internet; blogs, chat rooms, support groups and articles about infertility. All of which have only solidified the one thing I somehow knew in the back of my mind: That not only was my journey going to be more difficult than most, but longer too. To the right of the of the page you will see a few different websites that I highly recommend. The blogs and articles are written by some of the most amazing women. They are warriors. Their stories make my little play seem so petty and insignificant. My favorite of them all is a blog entitled Maybe If You Just Relax by Jen Knepper. This post specifically is my favorite. She is extremely honest, poignant and above all hilarious and I am eternally grateful I fell upon her blog. So grateful in fact that I sent her a little email... And she was gracious enough to write back.

From: Melissa Griffin

Subject: Thank you

To: Jennifer Knepper

Thursday, September 18, 2008, 6:06 PM

Hi Jen,

I just recently found your blog on Redbook, which lead be to Maybe If You Just Relax. I am so glad I found your site but wish that I had found it sooner. Like during the 6 months I thought about having myself committed. jk. I have been trying to get pregnant for just over a year and my husband and I are tiptoeing around the idea of going to fertility clinic. Even though it's only been a year, I feel like I have been through SO much but then I read your blog and a few other women's and I feel like I ain't seen nothing yet. Ugh.

Well enough crap about me, I just really wanted to thank you for your stories. You are a fantastic writer and every one of your posts makes me laugh. I definitely need that. I admire how honest you are and you have become one of the VERY few pregnant women that I wouldn't squint at and call a whore under my breath. I really am happy for you. I didn't think I could say that to any woman with child. But for you, I actually mean it.

Thanks again,
Melissa Griffin

Her Response:

Hi Melissa,
Thank you so much for your sweet email! I love to hear from readers.

I can definitely say that I know how you feel - I remember the one year mark very well. But trust me, you'll get used to showing your vagina to every doctor in your state of residence and won't even bat an eye! Still, I wish you the best of luck, and hope you end up not needing assistance after all.

If you ever have any questions or anything, let me know. And thanks again for writing!
-Jen
_______________________________________________
Making people uncomfortable with stories about my vagina since 2007:
http://www.jennepper.com/

Blogging publicly about our reproductive debacles since 2008:
www.redbookmag.com/your/infertility

I think her response explains everything I enjoy about her writing. Thanks again Jen. And Congratulations on your little girl.