Its an epidemic...
Congratulations Teresa and John. Love you.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Eveready
I feel slightly uninspired to write, but also somewhat obligated. I want to stop thinking about all the baby stuff, but I am constantly reminded of it.
I was looking around online a few weeks ago and came across this forum that discussed the issues women face while trying to become pregnant. In order to partake in the discussion I had to register with the site. Well some how my account information got messed up and it shows my profile as already being a mom, and they now send me emails on other discussions Mom's have and sales on baby items. For some reason I am unable to change my profile or unsubscribe to their relentless emails. It keeps telling me there is an error of some sort. I even emailed the "tech help" section and they sent me step by step instructions that have no use or meaning to me. So I am subjected to a daily reminder that I have no need for any baby items that are now 30-50% OFF!!!
Its also raining babies among our various social circles. I found out yet another couple is expecting their first. Congratulations Mike and Boo. I mean that. I think. Yeah, I do. I'm not bitter anymore. Oh yeah, that's number 5 by the way- if anyone else is keeping count.
I think on the "bad days" I just feel a little blue. But it is really much better than it has been. I dream about it pretty often, a couple of days ago I had this dream that a woman was telling me I was going to have a boy next month. I couldn't quite remember or interpret if I was already pregnant or what... But it was intriguing at the very least. Most of my dreams have to do with me already having a baby or telling people I'm pregnant but I wouldn't be showing yet. So I can only hope that it's a foreshadow of some sort. Then again talking about it makes me feel like I might be jinxing it. Whatever. So in the meantime - I'll be waiting.
I was looking around online a few weeks ago and came across this forum that discussed the issues women face while trying to become pregnant. In order to partake in the discussion I had to register with the site. Well some how my account information got messed up and it shows my profile as already being a mom, and they now send me emails on other discussions Mom's have and sales on baby items. For some reason I am unable to change my profile or unsubscribe to their relentless emails. It keeps telling me there is an error of some sort. I even emailed the "tech help" section and they sent me step by step instructions that have no use or meaning to me. So I am subjected to a daily reminder that I have no need for any baby items that are now 30-50% OFF!!!
Its also raining babies among our various social circles. I found out yet another couple is expecting their first. Congratulations Mike and Boo. I mean that. I think. Yeah, I do. I'm not bitter anymore. Oh yeah, that's number 5 by the way- if anyone else is keeping count.
I think on the "bad days" I just feel a little blue. But it is really much better than it has been. I dream about it pretty often, a couple of days ago I had this dream that a woman was telling me I was going to have a boy next month. I couldn't quite remember or interpret if I was already pregnant or what... But it was intriguing at the very least. Most of my dreams have to do with me already having a baby or telling people I'm pregnant but I wouldn't be showing yet. So I can only hope that it's a foreshadow of some sort. Then again talking about it makes me feel like I might be jinxing it. Whatever. So in the meantime - I'll be waiting.
Friday, July 11, 2008
Blue
Hmm, it appears as though I have skipped almost the entire month of June. Don't take it personally I was busy. A wedding in Tahoe, the Father's Day bbq brian and I threw at the house, and various other social obligations. It's been nice to be so busy. But now I am a little run down.
Brian and I have established a savings account to cover expenses for my maternity leave. The plan is to have enough so that I am able to take 3 months off and Brian is able to take 1 month off. It should also cover any medical bills that are left over from my deductable. We are about 60% there. After every month that has gone by with no good news I tell myself well at least we'll have one more month to save... I also think how great it will be when we have reached our goal, because I hate the pillows on the couch in the living room and I can't wait to buy new ones. I keep using that goal to keep my mind off the other one that I just can't seem to attain. I think about the freedoms we have because we aren't tied down to a sleeping infant. I tell myself that in some ways I'm already a mother. But that's bullshit. The truth is none of that helps on days like this. I ache to be a mother... I think about it all the time. Everything is a reminder. I'm getting so tired of waiting. So very tired.
Brian and I have established a savings account to cover expenses for my maternity leave. The plan is to have enough so that I am able to take 3 months off and Brian is able to take 1 month off. It should also cover any medical bills that are left over from my deductable. We are about 60% there. After every month that has gone by with no good news I tell myself well at least we'll have one more month to save... I also think how great it will be when we have reached our goal, because I hate the pillows on the couch in the living room and I can't wait to buy new ones. I keep using that goal to keep my mind off the other one that I just can't seem to attain. I think about the freedoms we have because we aren't tied down to a sleeping infant. I tell myself that in some ways I'm already a mother. But that's bullshit. The truth is none of that helps on days like this. I ache to be a mother... I think about it all the time. Everything is a reminder. I'm getting so tired of waiting. So very tired.
Monday, July 7, 2008
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