Infertility: A Double Feature

You've seen those suspense movies where you think you have it all figured out and you're sure they are going to save the day with just a second to spare? But then they throw in a major screw ball twist that you didn't see coming! And that's the part where doubt creeps in... I know its only been a few weeks since my doctor gave me a glimmer of hope. But that sadly, was short lived. What I didn't mention is that when she walked me out of the exam room, she handed me a business card for the Pacific Fertility Center. And it's been burning a hole in my wallet ever since. I can't help but think what a waste of time it might be trying, unknowingly, in vain for the next few months. She handed it to me with a soft smile and told me to call it when I felt ready. Turns out: I'm ready for my close up.

Brian and I had talked a month or two ago and decided we weren't ready to shop for a fertility clinic just yet. But I don't feel that way anymore. I want a baby, and I'm tired of waiting. I'm not stressed. I'm not depressed. I'm just overdue. It's officially been a year this month since we started trying but it feels like an eternity. I have been back and forth with telling myself that we could be perfectly healthy and it really will just happen when its supposed to. But I'm kind of feeling that is just delusional cheerleadery bullshit. Yep. I think I need to make that phone call. SOON. I imagine that it will be at least a month or three before I can get an appointment anyway. Or I guess I really should be saying "we". It may not be me.... Sorry dear but that is a fact. One that I pray does not affect us... Here goes nothing.

***** Update: I just left the office to go outside and make the phone call and it turns out I need to do some routine testing through my doctor before I spend $325 on a 1 hour consultation. Yikes. 8/29/2008

Parolee

Time off for good behavior? Not exactly. I have developed a tremendously itchy rash. Sexy ehh? It's no big deal, doc says it should heal up fine. The original remedy she gave me didn't quite cut it, so now I have to take something slightly more toxic. Cooool. Anyhow, that means no baby making this month. The good news is - that is a whole 3 weeks of wine for me! Wooo hooo. Bad news is - it pushes my eternally potential due date back yet again. Interestingly enough she is not the only doctor I saw today.

I had my annual visit with my OBGYN. She's great by the way. We talked doggies and babies. We also talked infertility. She told me one thing I didn't want to hear: It takes most people about 6 months to get pregnant. But she did say something that made me want to jump for moderate relief. But I couldn't because my feet were in the stirrups. She said although most doctors recommend seeing a fertility expert after one year of no luck. Inertility used to be defined by 2 years with no luck. She said people just seem to be on the fast track these days and that plenty of couples will conceive after a year without medical intervention. Whew!

I guess its more wait and see. Something I have gotten used to. And better at.

Nope.

Not this month either. I'm okay this time. I am. I feel fine. I'm actually a little surprised by just how fine I really feel. I also feel like having a baby is inevitable for me.

It will happen.

Long Time Gone

I'd hate for my absence to appear as though I am no longer invested in this blog... I just don't need it in the same way that I used to. I have currently found an additional outlet at yahoo answers.com . It's a large forum where you can ask any type of question that will likely be answered by a complete stranger from Des Moines. They also have specific categories where ladies like me have a place to ask questions that you may not necessarily get without the obligation of a co-pay. The people on there are not all doctors but women who share a common thread. TTC, Trying To Conceive. It's a great place to ask: "Has anyone else experienced this?" or "what the hell does this mean?". Sometimes it's not a question so much as an opportunity to blurt out good news or frustration. And it is immediately responded to accordingly. Of course you can get the occasional 13 year old meat head, who comes in to make inappropriate remarks, but its rare and they have a "policing" system for reporting such creatures.

Anyhoodle, it's a fantastic place where I have used my powers fueled by pain and frustration for good instead of evil. It feels so good to theoretically raise your hand and say "Holy shit, me too!". And I think I have been helpful...

So I guess makes it the Internet 2, despair 0.