On Ingoring Priorities

I have been thinking about this for many months. Probably even since the day we brought Leah home. Guardianship. If some tragedy were to befall Brian and I, we don't have anything in place from a legal standpoint to instruct our loved ones on our final wishes. Would putting it here on my blog count? 

This post is inspired by Josey's contribution to this months PAIL topic. While I didn't officially sign up for it (I missed the deadline because I didn't read about it until after),  I feel like it's an important topic. Not only to bring to peoples attention, but to put it here in writing as means to remind myself to get my shit together, and protect our daughter the best way we can. So here it goes:

Do you have a will? When did you draw it up and what sorts of things did you decide on with regard to guardianship?

No. No, we don't have a will yet. At one point I did a basic Advance Directive on a legal website for myself. Which basically said "please pull the pug if there is no chance of recovery, donate my organs, and my stuff should be distributed accordingly"...yada yada. But we haven't done a thing since Leah's been born. And it definitely crosses my mind on a regular basis. Especially with all the bizarre thoughts about death that I am STILL having.

But, at the very least, we have asked our dear friends, my sister for all intents and purposes; Teresa and her husband. Brian's parents are wonderful, and we know Leah would be well taken care of. But neither are in perfect health, and both are close to their 70's. Teresa and her husband are our age and have three children. And we feel confident that they would most certainly keep Brian's and my philosophy's and principles in mind while raising her and helping her make the best decisions. And also we feel they could not only handle it, but would value and enjoy having her.

Where do you live? Are you in a house you hope to stay in for years? A city you’re desperate to escape? Are you farther than you’d like to be from family (or, ahem, too close for comfort)?

Right now, we are in house we purchased in 2006, in the San Francisco Bay Area. And I'm pretty sure Brian and I will not only stay in this house, but will most likely die here. Which I guess is why we're talking about all this. Not that I think the house will kill us. I digress... It's a 3 bed, and 1 TEENYTINY bath. We have pipe dreams of adding a master bath one day. If we were to have another child, we could certainly turn the third room in the house, now currently a home office, into a bedroom. But if by chance we had another girl, I wouldn't mind if they shared a room.

We love the bay area, and most of our immediate family lives within 30 miles. I know, we're pretty lucky.... So we will most likely always live here. But we definitely have aspirations of retiring on the central coast - Goleta/Santa Barbara area. I digress, again.

Does the size of your world match your family’s needs (ie, do you need a bigger car or a house with an additional bedroom if you have another child)? 

Right now, our world can definitely accommodate the size of our family. And I can't see that having another child would change that. Besides, it would be too expensive to move, and we certainly wouldn't be able to buy another house due to circumstances surrounding the purchase of our house. And the fact that we bought it right before the 2007 housing crash, so we are totally underwater on it. And we have a CRV. Which is compact, but we could get by with it. 

What about the details, like “my sister would be the guardian for our son but she has no idea what he likes to eat for breakfast”? 

I can't say that this is anything I fret about. Leah would be fine. She's so little now, that preferences are kind of arbitrary. And Brian's Mom would still be a part of Leah's life and no doubt be helpful with the details. Plus, there will be particular things we plan to outline in our will. Like traditions we'd like to continue, and how I want my jewelry to be given to her. ( One piece for each significant occasion - 13th, 16th, 18th, 21st Birthdays; Graduations; Wedding...) 

Do you have other safety nets in place, like life insurance?

This is one question I can answer with certainty and peace of mind. Yes, we have life insurance. It's not a crazy amount, but enough to make sure we'd each be comfortable in case one of us passes. It would pay off our mortgage, and leave enough to put Leah through college. As well as covering living expenses for a while. And Leah would definitely be taken care of if we were both gone.  Which I believe makes it more comfortable for her guardians as well. 

What about those complicated questions, like the fate of your frozen embryos if something happens to you? 

Oooh, this is tricky. Right now, legally, if something were to happen to both of us it would be donated to science. But is it weird that I kind of want to give it to Leah? I know that must sound bizzare, I would feel comfortable with her deciding what to do with it. I also wouldn't mind leaving it to Teresa and her husband. I wouldn't mind if she transferred it, and carried so that Leah could have a sibling. But I also wouldn't mind if it went to another couple who needed it. Certainly something Brian and I need to revisit.

Ugh, the crappy stuff you have to think of as an adult... 

Catching Up

Wooowee, am I far behind on updates! Bullet Points anyone?

Blogaversary - My FIFTH blogaversary was January 31st. I still cannot believe I have managed to keep this going for so long - consecutively. I am always thankful for all of my bloggy friends and all the support I have found in this community.

2x4 - As in my current ass measurement. I started back on the ol' Dub-Dub last week. (Weight.Watchers). I find that the fourth time around I am able to do most of the Points (calorie counting) without actually signing up for it. I found an app for my phone that calculates points the same way WW does. And based on my history I know what range of points I should be within. So I'm exercising regularly again and counting my points. Friday is my first weigh in and since I'm not actually paying for their services, I get to weigh myself neked in my own bathroom. Surprisingly, I can feel a difference already. Even if it's just bloat that I've lost thanks to the metric shit ton of water I've been drinking. I'm just so ready to get my body back. -25lbs is my goal, but ideally I'd like to go for 35. We'll see what I can manage. And barring a second pregnancy, I'd like to hope this is the last time I'll have 25 - 35 to loose. 

I always felt like I needed the accountability of paying someone, and going in to get weighed in order to be successful. But since I'm opting for the free route, I will keep a ticker here (on your right) to help keep me in line. 

Leah - My amazing baby girl. She is so great. I am going to continue to post monthly updates for her. I have last months drafted, I just need to finish and post it. Same with this months, for that matter. Originally I was just planning to do the monthly's for her first year, but going back to read them all I realized  how much I quickly forgot. So I feel like it's important to track it all. 

Blogging in general - I want to keep up on it. I love it. I have been a horrendous commenter as of late though. In fact, I'm a little ashamed of how little I've been commenting. If you are still reading and/or commenting, I love you, and I am going to work on commenting back!

Stay Tuned!

Getting My Crap Together

Or not. 

I really hate to admit this, but I drastically underestimated the weight of the transition of becoming a SAHM. Emotionally and dynamically with me and my marriage. It's been really hard. And I did not see that coming. 

Apparently have you to be, like, tremendously self motivated and stuff. There is most certainly a Busy Bee side to me, but being busy and organized should really go hand in hand. And well organized, I am not. Which has become disturbingly clear since taking on this new role. I am currently looking into a program called Motivated Mom's which helps you keep on task and make sure you get all your goals accomplished each day. And by "looking into" I mean, I've had a tab open on the same browser window of the web page for like two weeks. But haven't really gotten around to doing anything with it...

I can stay busy, but getting all of my goals accomplished each day rarely seems to happen. Example: I will start cooking Leah's food for the next few days while she is down for a nap. In the middle of it, I'll notice the spice cabinet is a little messy. So I start cleaning and purging (please, at least one person out there say you know where I'm going with this) then all of a sudden I hear Leah chattering, it's three hours later, the house is a wreck and I have nothing for Brian and I for dinner. BUT the spice cabinet is clean! So suck on that!

Also it's just been a strange transition for Brian and I. I have been working since I was 15. So I've technically had a job longer than I haven't.  (been working for almost 19 years - I'm almost 34 - get it?)  So it's weird not to be earning anything, or not to be productive in a traditional sense - meaning the definition of being 'productive' has drastically changed and I don't know how to handle it. I think I also worry too much about what other people think about this role. Not just mine, but the SAHM label in general. Let me clarify a few things; I'm not hung up on the money part. Brian and I have had a joint account since day one. And there was a long period of time where I made more, and supported the household while Brian was in the transition of leaving his job and building his business. But I never thought of it as being the sole earner then. I would deposit my paycheck and it was like: here is this money for us. Yada Yada. And while raising a child and staying at home with them, has always been a dream and a goal for both of us. It's just a really big change and I'm still not even sure I can put my finger on what the big problem is exactly. 

I think in someways, Brian is struggling with the weight of being a sole provider on an unsteady income. He makes basically the same every month, but it is completely dependent upon his ability to keep the clients coming in. Anyone can see that is an assload of pressure. And so it seems that he technically works hard than me. Not to say that I don't work hard, or that I don't have tough days, but they are different. I have a lot more freedom, but I technically never get time off. I have not and will not ever speak for Brian, but my thoughts are that he struggling with the pressure and is a wee bit envious of my free time. Meanwhile I don't want the so called freedom to underrate what it is I do, just because there isn't a check for me to show that proves my worth. Did I tell you about the spice cabinet? Is anybody listening? Am I making a lick of sense? 
I have no idea...

Anyway, sorry for having been MIA. I have a lot of posts to finish and publish. I just need to sit down and get them done. Right after I figure out how to get all my other shit done.... Le Sigh.