On Ingoring Priorities

I have been thinking about this for many months. Probably even since the day we brought Leah home. Guardianship. If some tragedy were to befall Brian and I, we don't have anything in place from a legal standpoint to instruct our loved ones on our final wishes. Would putting it here on my blog count? 

This post is inspired by Josey's contribution to this months PAIL topic. While I didn't officially sign up for it (I missed the deadline because I didn't read about it until after),  I feel like it's an important topic. Not only to bring to peoples attention, but to put it here in writing as means to remind myself to get my shit together, and protect our daughter the best way we can. So here it goes:

Do you have a will? When did you draw it up and what sorts of things did you decide on with regard to guardianship?

No. No, we don't have a will yet. At one point I did a basic Advance Directive on a legal website for myself. Which basically said "please pull the pug if there is no chance of recovery, donate my organs, and my stuff should be distributed accordingly"...yada yada. But we haven't done a thing since Leah's been born. And it definitely crosses my mind on a regular basis. Especially with all the bizarre thoughts about death that I am STILL having.

But, at the very least, we have asked our dear friends, my sister for all intents and purposes; Teresa and her husband. Brian's parents are wonderful, and we know Leah would be well taken care of. But neither are in perfect health, and both are close to their 70's. Teresa and her husband are our age and have three children. And we feel confident that they would most certainly keep Brian's and my philosophy's and principles in mind while raising her and helping her make the best decisions. And also we feel they could not only handle it, but would value and enjoy having her.

Where do you live? Are you in a house you hope to stay in for years? A city you’re desperate to escape? Are you farther than you’d like to be from family (or, ahem, too close for comfort)?

Right now, we are in house we purchased in 2006, in the San Francisco Bay Area. And I'm pretty sure Brian and I will not only stay in this house, but will most likely die here. Which I guess is why we're talking about all this. Not that I think the house will kill us. I digress... It's a 3 bed, and 1 TEENYTINY bath. We have pipe dreams of adding a master bath one day. If we were to have another child, we could certainly turn the third room in the house, now currently a home office, into a bedroom. But if by chance we had another girl, I wouldn't mind if they shared a room.

We love the bay area, and most of our immediate family lives within 30 miles. I know, we're pretty lucky.... So we will most likely always live here. But we definitely have aspirations of retiring on the central coast - Goleta/Santa Barbara area. I digress, again.

Does the size of your world match your family’s needs (ie, do you need a bigger car or a house with an additional bedroom if you have another child)? 

Right now, our world can definitely accommodate the size of our family. And I can't see that having another child would change that. Besides, it would be too expensive to move, and we certainly wouldn't be able to buy another house due to circumstances surrounding the purchase of our house. And the fact that we bought it right before the 2007 housing crash, so we are totally underwater on it. And we have a CRV. Which is compact, but we could get by with it. 

What about the details, like “my sister would be the guardian for our son but she has no idea what he likes to eat for breakfast”? 

I can't say that this is anything I fret about. Leah would be fine. She's so little now, that preferences are kind of arbitrary. And Brian's Mom would still be a part of Leah's life and no doubt be helpful with the details. Plus, there will be particular things we plan to outline in our will. Like traditions we'd like to continue, and how I want my jewelry to be given to her. ( One piece for each significant occasion - 13th, 16th, 18th, 21st Birthdays; Graduations; Wedding...) 

Do you have other safety nets in place, like life insurance?

This is one question I can answer with certainty and peace of mind. Yes, we have life insurance. It's not a crazy amount, but enough to make sure we'd each be comfortable in case one of us passes. It would pay off our mortgage, and leave enough to put Leah through college. As well as covering living expenses for a while. And Leah would definitely be taken care of if we were both gone.  Which I believe makes it more comfortable for her guardians as well. 

What about those complicated questions, like the fate of your frozen embryos if something happens to you? 

Oooh, this is tricky. Right now, legally, if something were to happen to both of us it would be donated to science. But is it weird that I kind of want to give it to Leah? I know that must sound bizzare, I would feel comfortable with her deciding what to do with it. I also wouldn't mind leaving it to Teresa and her husband. I wouldn't mind if she transferred it, and carried so that Leah could have a sibling. But I also wouldn't mind if it went to another couple who needed it. Certainly something Brian and I need to revisit.

Ugh, the crappy stuff you have to think of as an adult...