Falling down the stairs
Getting T-Boned in an intersection
An undetected aneurism
A random shooting
Being in the wrong place at the wrong time
Never in my life have I thought so much about death, than since I the day I came home with Leah. And never in my life have I been so absolutely terrified of it.
I know this must sound insane, but I think about it more often than I care to admit. It's not like I lay in bed fretting over it, but it involuntarily pops into my head mid action of me taking the laundry down to the garage : "what if I tripped and fell down the stairs and broke my neck right now"... audible gasp and chills immediately follow.
I can't even think about the possibility of leaving Brian and Leah. She would grow up watching Moonshiners and Pawn Stars and thinking it's normal.
14 comments:
I have felt this way too!! Especially with the driving thing, I picture the worst things happening. Glad to hear I'm not alone, and YOU are not alone either.
OMG YES, I have the same feelings! It didn't really start until we brought Sherbert home. Suddenly the thought of not being here to see him grow up/be part of his life absolutely, positively terrifies me!
Must be something about bringing life into the world and loving someone with all your heart, etc.
Don't trip!
Oh, and I fear that Sherbert would be subjected to never-ending American Pickers and Storage Wars marathons. *shudder*
I totally have the same fears. It doesn't help that I am extremely clumsy, either, as that tends to lend itself to things like slipping on stairwells.
This also tends to lend itself to the fears that somehow I will be responsible for something terrible happening to him.
The worst day for me was when I was driving home from the grocery store with Carder in the backseat. A van ran a red light as I was pulling through the intersection. Luckily, I was in a previous accident at a red light and always watch for idiots, so I narrowly escaped being T-boned on his side...I don't think my legs stopped shaking for about 3 hours...
You are not alone in this. Add Storage Wars and horrible Japanese cartoons to this and you have our life.
This worry was a major part of my PPD and I return to it at least once a week.
I started keeping a list of things I want R to do and experience in case something happens to me, so that JD will have something to work from. For example, "Learn a foreign language" or "Play a musical instrument" or "Ride a pony". Not that JD wouldn't think of these things, well, some he wouldn't think of, but you want your child to be raised in the way that you would raise them.
The other thing I need to do AND SO DO YOU is to make sure you have a will and a guardianship document just in case this happens.
Yep. I think about this all the time. Never used to, now it's sort of a constant background to my happy days. Parenthood messes with your head in all sorts of ways I never would have imagined!
...and... Oh the horror.... Duck Dynasty, Operation Repo, and World's Dumbest... :) You aren't experiencing anything that all newbie Moms haven't thought about. It will be O.K. !!
Wow, I'm really glad you posted this (thanks!) - to see that other people feel this way makes me feel more normal. I thought I was my own special brand of crazy on this front!
Oh, yes. Mostly I'm afraid of something happening to my girls (usually choking) but my first thought, whenever something happening to me enters my brain, is honestly, "BUT WHAT ABOUT THE BABIES." So much guilt over anything that could cause me to leave them and Husband behind :( It's like I can't turn off that channel in my brain.
Yes, yes, yes! I am so worried about Alex without me, it terrifies me! But I also think about all the bad things that could happen to her, which is super scary as well... Hate this!
My dad is a complete and utter worry wart, but since the twins were born I suddenly understand. The world is a very scary place when you could leave your baby behind without you there to protect them.
Very reassuring to know that you / I are not the only ones having these thoughts... I spent a recent weekend on a trip with a girlfriend (who has two little ones) and this was our primary topic of discussion. She had a book that talked about how to plan for what would happen to your kids if something happened to you. It got into so much more detail that the traditional guardianship. There were lots of ideas about how to make plans to ensure that your values and other intangible assets would be passed down to you children if you weren't present to do the passing. They say that 'wealth is so much greater than money'.
We need to get our 'estate plans' in order, and after the weekend of talking, we agreed to go home and work on our husbands so that we can get the legal stuff sorted out.
http://personalfamilylawyer.com/articles/intangible-estate-planning---thinking-beyond-the-paperwork
here is a link to an article that was written by the lady who wrote the book my girlfriend and I were reading. Intangible Estate Planning.
I have a sense that your feelings are very normal and part of the ebbs and flows of being a parent. I could imagine it being heightened with everything you have done for your miracle, too. Hugs, lady.
Um, yeah. I travel a fair amount for work, and have visions of fiery plane crashes before every flight leaving home. (Coming home, I'm over it...) It's weird, and it only started happening since Baby X came along.
Post a Comment