Maybe I Should Just Pee On Her And Get It Over With...

If you have been reading this blog for any concentrated amount of time, you will know that I am terrible about following up with "catastrophe's" that I post about. So here I am to relieve you from your debilitating state of suspense or otherwise baited breath.

My Mama-Bear issues are still omnipresent. (Unbelievable! Said No One.) I did however, go see my therapist about it. The good news? All of my feelings are "Completely Normal!". She praised me for being able to acknowledge the fact that my feelings, though reasonable, "were not exactly rational or fair". But I FEEL as though the blister on my left nipple would know the difference. Still we talked a lot about what my goals are for achieving harmony, and the fact that my feelings probably won't be going anywhere fast. This is not something that can necessarily be solved, but more like feelings that will fade when I'm dead in time. What's important is taking time to think about how I will approach her regarding any given matter and keeping in mind my mama bear mentality before I react.  Like when she asked me for the extra base for the carseat so she could "Go show her friends". Fortunately this conversation took place over the phone so she could not see the raging hellfire blazing from my corneas. I realize it's not as though she asked to take Leah away for the weekend to go to Disneyland for the first time, and I cordially obliged after privately fuming about it. But I will admit I was a little edgy all day just thinking about it. And last week when my neighbor told me the entire block can hear Leah screaming on the days I am at work, I did not immediately tender my resignation or change our locks. Mostly because I was pretty much already aware that this was happening because my normally very chatty MIL is always sitting on the front porch with a red eyed, pink cheeked from wailing, but ultimately exasperated and just sniffling Leah, ready to hand her over and get the hell out of there the moment my car pulls in the driveway... I know there is absolutely nothing malicious or unsafe going on, I just think my MIL is not great about identifying sleep signals and then Leah gets over tired and turns into a raving lunatic. Understandably so.

I'm also pretty darn proud of myself for keeping my cool when my MIL asked if they could get Leah's first Halloween Costume. Supposedly my FIL's idea. P'sha Right. I calmly smiled and said "I'm sorry, no. That's really sweet, and I think it's adorable that "he's" so excited, but the first Halloween Costume is a biggie". And then I refrained from explaining that she should pretty much forget about asking for any "firsts". Not in a Mamabear way - but in a "that's our long awaited not to mention FIRST and possibly only child, and that pretty much guarantees us any and every firsts. Foreverandeveramen."

Which prompts me to think about the holidays. You may remember my rant about my MIL giving Leah her first Easter Basket. Well, my main concern now is the Christmas stocking my MIL has already made for her. (Another first that she unintentionally hijacked.) Brian and I are on the same page as far as Leah not getting two Stockings. The first reason being BECAUSE SHE IS OUR DAUGHTER. WE are Santa, not grammie and poppop. Number two, and what I'm going to tell people is the first reason most importantly, we don't want Leah to have a lot of stuff. I kept wondering how we could possibly bring that up without making it sound like we were inferring that she would only buy crap. Fortunately she kind of beat me to the punch and inadvertently gave me a great reason. She mentioned something along the lines of wanting to give Leah a gift towards her college fund. BINGO. Another completely valid reason is that they really can't afford it. Well, they shouldn't afford it. Leah will be well taken care of in the present department. Being that she is the only grandchild, niece and baby period on both sides of the family. (We're the oldest.)

So there you have it. While I lack the ability to be a fundamentally good person, I at least have the knowledge and good sense to keep my mouth shut about it to the people it effects. And only over-share my feelings with complete strangers. You're welcome!