Are Ya Gonna?

They're starting to ask questions. Friends, Family, Neighbors, and nosey effing strangers.

Are you going to have more children?

When is number two?

Do you think you want more children?

If you're going to have more, you better get started! TICK, TICK, TICK!

Hey people, guess what? It's six years later and my opinion hasn't changed. The status of occupancy in my hooha is really none of your effing business.

I will say that having a child has softened me as well as helped me become A LOT more tactful, so I of course do not speak to anyone that way. And heck, on a good day, I can even see that what they are asking isn't really all that unreasonable. But I still feel like it's pretty private information, and mostly make it a habit not to ask anyone of their plans. And I guess really, I don't mind when close friends ask. But when strangers and certain family members ask, I feel like the only right answer is: YES! Of course we'll have more!!! And if I say: No, or we're not sure yet, it means we don't actually like children enough to deal with more than one...  I also feel compelled to explain how much and how long it took us to just get Leah. And how grateful we are to at least have her.

But to be completely honest here, Brian and I have been going back and forth a lot lately. With no immediate decisions or actions made. The consensus (fortunately) is that we feel pretty fulfilled with just having Leah. We do have one frozen embryo, but we don't know when or if we are going to use it. 

Yet. 

At all?

We have a lot of reasons not to go forward with it, but only a few, albeit VERY strong reasons to use it.

My Internal Arguments are as follows:

I would love to have another baby!
counter: But I do feel complete with our family the way it is.

I truly loved every second of being pregnant. Even the vomitous, sleepless, achy parts.
While that statement is completely accurate, it was actually really hard on my body physically. I have had pretty chronic issues with my back for years, and pregnancy didn't help it. And having a little one to pick up and carry around daily has perpetuated the physical strain. Regular Chiropractic care and stretching is an absolute must, and even with diligence in both of those areas, I have had a few significant episodes. And yes, we are still working out religiously two-three times a week. Which has helped SO much.

It would be great to have a sibling for Leah, since she won't have any first cousins, and both our families are relatively small already.
I feel like we could provide pretty well for Leah, if we were to only have one child. Two, and they would each have to be partially be responsible for their college tuition. (not the end of the world) But it wouldn't just be college. It would mean Brian and I would both probably have to work a lot longer, possibly well into our retirement years. Something neither of us may physically be able to do.

We chose to create embryo's and I feel a certain responsibility to use the one remaining guy (or girl!) that we have.
I literally lose my breath when I think about setting foot in my RE's office. The thought of lab tests - and waiting for the dreaded results, dildo cams,  PIO shots, having a black and blue stomach from weeks of heparin shots, driving 60 miles round trip for Intralipid infusions once per week - at $550 a pop for an unforeseen amount of time -tho no more than 17 weeks (if I got pg). Not to mention the fact that every single item I listed would be a 100% out of pocket expense. We're looking at 7-9k, easy. Just for an FET. And all I can think about is how that money could be better spent, than gambling it, and IT IS A GAMBLE; gambling it on the possibility of having another child. (BUT HOW CAN YOU PUT A PRICE ON THAT?!?) It could also mean I  wouldn't be able to stay home with them... 

Really when I boil it down, at this point - I want to NOT go through anymore treatments MORE than I want another baby. If that makes sense. And all at the same time I am grateful that we even have another embryo to get to make this choice.

The good news is, my embryo was made when I was 32. I'll be 35 next year, and in my mind I'm okay with trying it as late as 37. So I don't have to make any decisions today. The Bad news? I guess I'll just have to keep fielding the questions for the next three-ish years....