I had a conference call with our clinic's financial coordinator yesterday. Oy Vey, does this part suck.
This when the "oh yeah, this costs an assload of money" light bulb turned on. Not that I ever really forgot about it, but I'm wrapped up and snuggly in the idea that I might be pregnant in a few months so the rule of "Eyes on the prize" has jurisdiction over my brain. And my heart for that matter.
I don't talk about the financial side of this nightmare all that much here, mostly because I have a select few IRL friends and family that read this and I don't want them to feel bad, or like they should be doing anything other than supporting us emotionally - which if they have access to this blog they've clearly done an exceptional job at. I'm also a big believer in not discussing politics, religion, and specifics on finances (all to a certain degree). Really those topics just make things incredibly crunchy for me.
But in the true spirit of record keeping, and doing my best not to sensor myself , I find that I am overwhelmed with the urge to write about this. Mostly because I'm really struggling with it emotionally. We're going to be financing at least half of our IVF costs, and I constantly have to keep validating our decision to move forward to myself because technically, we do not have the money to do this.
If you've been reading my blog long enough you know that part of the reason we went the donor route before is because it was a lot more feasible financially. Which probably sounds callous but, after a few months of therapy I realized that our financial security is incredibly important to my sense of security in general, which translates to my overall well being. Not to mention how much of a burden finances can be on a marriage. And well, Infertility alone has already gone platinum on our asses so we won't be needing anymore of that, will we... We live very modestly. We haven't taken a real vacation since 2005. i.e. more than a long weekend that didn't involve a tent or the redeeming of hotel/airfare points, or bunking up with someone. Though our house was a big purchase it was a financially sound move.
Is it ridiculous that I'm still struggling with this so much, that I still feel the need to justify it even to a group of folks like you who totally get it?
I have to keep telling myself that this is a reasonable thing to go into (more) debt for.
That not spending beyond our means shouldn't apply to our dream of having a family.
That we can always make more money, but our window for having biological children is literally getting smaller every month.
So here's the actual genesis for this post: We will qualify for a 10% discount, but it can only be applied to a bare-bones IVF cycle that won't include medications (of course), extra monitoring ultrasounds during stims if needed; Cryo Preservation for the first year; or subsequent FET's (if the fresh cycle fails). So if the fresh cycle doesn't work it could end up costing us at least $3,500 more, not including meds.
Orrrrrrrrrr
We could pay $6k+ more for for the Two cycle program in which we would get first a fresh IVF cycle with unlimited monitoring, then FET's until we run out of embryo's. If all of that fails to get me to twelve weeks then we would be given another fresh cycle, and again as many FET's until we run out of embryo's, And it covers the first year of Cryo preservation storage.
So we can spend less (which we have the liquid cash for) on a BIG gamble, or sell a kidney to come up with the money to take less of a risk of us walking away without a baby...
Both options sort of suck. But either way, Top Ramen is starting to sound better and better.
28 comments:
Ugh, thinking about the debt still makes me queasy. It always creeps into my mind - gosh, if we had all that money, gotten pregnant naturally, wow, we'd be rich! Hahaha! Oh well, I don't regret it, but it does still make me queasy. :)
That's a tough decision! Wish you the best of luck with your decision process :) And, it is SO much easier to spend money with 'eye on the prize' thoughts! (that's how we've justified our adoption!
Ugh, I know. No advice here just empathy - the $$ part sucks.
One tip - I had a number of bloggers offer to donate their leftover meds to me for this cycle. I had never done this before but figured if it saved a few thousand and they were offering...wow!! I was given almost everything I needed. So....I seriously think you should put a post up asking for any leftover meds. And if I have any I will send them your way :)
Based on our IVF exerience(s) - which is NOT indiciative of how your cycle(s) will go, I can tell you it was always way less stressful when I knew I had another chance in the bank. Especially since sometimes it takes a cycle for the REs to figure out the best protocol for your particular body. The money part is hard. And stressful. But the debt will be worth it in the end. Grrr is right.
I understand your hesitation to talk about money, but with IVF this is a huge part of it. Most people just cannot afford to keep going financially. It makes the stakes feel much higher.
I am impressed that you are able to do a cycle program. My clinic does not offer this option. In theory the two cycle option makes a lot of sense, but I wonder how I would feel if the first cycle worked. I hope I would be over the moon happy that money would not matter so much.
I wish this was easier. sigh....
I just wrote a long comment and then my blogger lost it. Oh well...I just wanted to say I totally understand the money thing.
I am a saver and some would call me a "tight ass" so spending this much money on an IVF cycle for just a chance at getting pregnant made me sick.
We had the money saved up for a cycle or two of IVF but it was still hard for me to pull the trigger. My DH reminded me that we were saving this money for a rainy day and our dreams of having a baby is our "rainy day".
I'm not sure if you remember but I got my IVF meds for free and if you want the information on that program let me know!!
It's a very hard decision. We opted not to do the program at our RE and now I regret it. Our Dr was so sure that IVF #1 would be successful he had us convinced. Now I kind of wished I signed up for it. You never know what you will need. Hang in there.
I just found your blog. We too are soon to start our first round of IVF. The financial burden is a big one for sure. We also were faced with the decision to buy a roughly $18K three for two deal (but no FTE's included) or just go one by one. We chose one by one. Our thoughts were that this is really our first shot at IVF and what if it does work the first time (which is obviously what we are hoping for). Also, If we had to do another round, would we even stay at the same clinic? It's such a personal decision so it will be different for everyone. Good luck! Look forward to reading more.
It just sucks that things like this even have to be considered. I wish money weren't an issue.
The money side of this stuff sucks even more than the other sucky parts. It makes me furious that we've spent so much money and got nowhere. But I also wouldnt have it any other way, if that makes sense?
Someone once told me that you've got time to make more money but time is limited on when you can produce good eggs. So I'd rather pay off my mortgage for a few years longer and have a baby than save up my pennys and wait forever to get enough money and in the mean time my eggs rot and wither away.
It's not easy whatever way you look at it and there will always be some people who think we are indulgent in spending so much on trying to become parents. But those people can go take their beautiful naturally concieved children and enjoy their happy lives elsewhere!
I'm totally with you on the religion and politics thing (neither subject will ever be mentioned on my blog!), but although I don't like to talk to people about money IRL, on my blog I have decided to be open about it. Because it is a HUGE part of the IF journey. I worry about money almost more than I worry about not having a baby. It took me 15 years to save up the money that I have, and to realize that 3 IVFs is all it would take to drain my bank account is devastating. To start over financially in my mid-30s is not where I saw myself 5 or 10 years ago. Having said that, money is just money. It is not a child. Looking at my bank account statement will never bring me as much happiness as a little human being will.
Anyway, as to whether you should do the one or two cycle plan... it's a gamble. There is no "logical" right answer, because you can't predict how things will turn out. I think you just have to do what feels right for you.
I feel bad about discussing the financial too because I have a lot of IRLs that read my blog. In all seriousness, it's a HUGE part of infertility. Not only do you have to struggle with not having a child, you will always be drowning because we toss out insane amounts of cash and have nothing to show for it. It's definitely a gamble. And it sucks. I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this too. I'm sorry, I'm rambling and get so worked up talking about this subject!
If it helps any, we chose the multi-cycle shared risk program and I'm so glad that we did. If we would have paid cycle by cycle, then we would be even more screwed than we are now. Do they offer that at your clinic? Don't get me wrong...I'm not saying that things will go wrong. I just know that it gave us peace of mind knowing that we could get some money back. It definitely lowered the stress levels while cycling!
I really hope that everything works out and that you come to peace with a decision. I'm here for you if you need anything!
Gawd I hate the financial aspect of all of this. As if this isn't stressful enough, these kind of financial hits are enough to put anyone under extreme stress. I've actually posted all of our costs on my blog, hoping that others might share their costs as well. I feel like I need to know what to expect cost-wise, and it always sounds like the costs are so different form one persons experience to another.
We just found out that ds is our only option for pregnancy, and I am trying to figure out if it might actually be less expensive to go with IVF, rather than IUI. When you factor in some of the success rates, it seems like it might be a better option. but we'll see....
I'd thought when we started this journey that there would be a maximum limit to the amount of money we spend on this, but I've realized that there is no way we will stick to that plan. For me, knowing that I had another cycle waiting for me would be a huge relief, but reconciling the cost would be hard.
Gosh, I wish I had something better to offer you. I am sure that you will make a good decision that is best for you and your family.
xoxo -
Foxy
I think having another go already paid for will take the stress off the cycle. I always had a plan b and it made the current cycle much more bearable. Id rather pay the 6k more.
I say one kidney's good enough, and ramen is actually quite delicious. We've been on the organ donation/eat out of a can program for our family as well, and I think that it's a perfectly fine decision to go for broke if it's for the ultimate benefit of your family. If you have a girl I've got hellza cute hand me downs for you.
The financial burden of IF stinks, plain and simple.
When we start thinking of the tens of thousands we spent to get nothing, we just put our hands over our ears and say "lalalalalalalala!" But we just can't regret it at this point, because we had to try. We HAD to.
Wishing you nothing but success!
The financial burden of IF stinks, plain and simple.
When we start thinking of the tens of thousands we spent to get nothing, we just put our hands over our ears and say "lalalalalalalala!" But we just can't regret it at this point, because we had to try. We HAD to.
Wishing you nothing but success!
This is coming from the person who did 2 fresh and 1 frozen cycles and ended up empty wombed - but my personal opinion would be to go with the more expensive but risk sharing program.
We didn't take this option when we were starting out due to the insurance coverage.
I truly hope that you will be one of the lucky ones, but the realist in me has to remind you that first time doesn't work for everyone. So, if the first time doesn't work and you want to attempt a second (or even use your frosties), you don't get that for the bargain price of 6 Gees. You have to pay full price again or pay the full price of a FET.
Besides. Having 2 kidneys is over-rated.
Good luck making your decision! Love you!
Yup, I hear you on generally not talking politics, religion or specifics on finances. I try to stick to that, too, unless I feel it can be talked about in a polite "agree to disagree" way, when needed.
I know it's a tough decision about which plan to choose. We decided for the "2 IVFs for the price of 1.5 IVFs" and, for me, it did give me a lot of peace of mind knowing we had a 2nd shot already committed to. Then again, I thought I was stopping at two.
So, after we buy our house, and you do your IVF, we will have to invite each other over for Top Ramen dinner parties!! :)
Thanks for being there for me this week with the phone calls...it meant a lot. XO
I would go for the 2 cycle option. I KNOW we all like to think it'll work first go but I think you will find you would be so much more relaxed if you know you have a back up plan. Also, you don't know how you are going to respond (and I don't mean to sound like a pessimist because I'm really not!) and it will work out cheaper in the long run if it does come to that. It sucks we even have to make decisions like this! Ugh! I'm in a similar situation but as I am in NZ it's slightly different - we could pay $11k for one cycle or $25k for 3 (including all FET) and the knowledge that if it doesn't work (ie. no baby to take home) we will get 70% of our money back. I am in the 2WW of attempt number 3 (funded by the govt) but the $25k option is the one we would be betting on (and trust me, we don't have the money just lying around either! This would be added to our mortgage) I sincerely hope you get pregnant first go anyway and don't need it but in the long run the additional bit of money would fade into comparison when you hold your baby I'm sure (at least that's the basis to my decision anyway!) BEST OF LUCK!!! Would love to know what you decide.
Oh I SOOOOO remember being in your shoes. The money stuff was so stressful on top of what was already stinkin' stressful. I was grappling this very decision when my clinic offered the BOGO plan and I can remember jumping up and down in my (shared) office...but I will say that although it costs more money...the mental just knowing that you have another try tucked away is sooooo relieving during the cycle. Granted, if you have 1st time success you may feel differently.
I so want you to have 1st time success....
Either way...tough choices.
I just 'paid off' my last IVF personal loan a few months ago and it was a weight off my shoulders.
May you one day look back on this and realize what a simple decision it really was.
Sorry I've been out of touch lately--I'm here following along.
Here from LFCA. You have a lot of factors to consider. I'm not familiar with your blog, so I don't know anything about how you stim or what the medications might cost, but that's a huge factor. For me, meds and monitoring were covered by my insurance, so buying the all-inclusive package from my RE didn't make as much sense as for others. Had insurance not covered meds, my meds per cycle would have been an additional $3K. I did donate my leftover meds to other members of the ALI community. You'd be surprised how many out here are willing to do that. Just put a call out.
That said, I did end up with two fresh cycles and had to pay out of pocket for the retrieval and transfer, surgery center fees, and ICSI, and I ended up spending between 8K and 10K for each of my fresh cycles.
You also need to take a look at the emotional cost of subsequent FETs and fresh cycles if it doesn't work out for you the first time. If you're one of those people who can only stomach the idea of doing this once in the first place, who thinks an IVF represents the end of the line and that a failed IVF will gut you, it might not be worth the cost of the package.
Also FWIW, I found that IVF was not the end of the line. A chemical pregnancy after an IVF led to more testing which finally revealed my true IF diagnosis, and I got pregnant with a different drug protocol and IUI.
I know it's scary once you start thinking about the financial side of IVF, but Rob put it into perspective for me. He said, "We have the rest of our lives to pay off our loans, but we're only young once." I went ahead and did the shared risk because I had a feeling it wasn't going to work like magic on the first try, I'm really happy I listened to my gut. Whatever decision y'all make it will be the right one. Can't wait til you get started!
I´m right there as well. I can see how some couples just stop after 1 try. It is the hardest thing I´ve had to do. My mother won´t let me do another cycle...
BUT I´m not done, and I HAVE to try again. It was "Free" my first time, but it didn´t work. Now, I´m looking at all the options. The shared risk is so damn expensive though... The 2 tries sounds like a good deal..
Good luck!
When we were ttc and having infertility issues I remember seeing the costs and then trying to justify it, over and over and over again. And the thing is, it was so expensive and I was like the shopaholic with her dad's credit card. OMG, it took for.ev.er. to pay that off, but it was so worth it in the end.
ICLW #116 & 117.
Hi. Visiting early from ICWL (#71).
I can only imagine how much those cost must weigh on a family. I can relate in a different way, as we pay the amount of a morgage each month in therapies for our autistic son.
Here's to your dreams coming true.
we're contemplating the exact same thing. we have until the day of the ER to decide though. what about you?
Thinking about money and having IF treatments has always come down to "will I regret it when I am older?" I know that if I didn't at least try, then I would always wonder about the possibilities that were lost. No children of my own, etc. So, I have always been of the belief that more money can be made.
However, I am also beginning to regret the $10,000 plus I spent at the beginning of the year for 3 failed IUIs. I was fired last week for jury duty (you can read about it at my blog), and the options for work in my field are pretty much zip.
Michelle
http://samide2001.blogspot.com/
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