Oh gawd, she's back. The whiny, and seemingly indecisive side of me that Infertility has capitalized on. And I'd love nothing more than to punch her square in the jaw.
I'm okay. But I think it's fair to say that last week was rough. I know that the three crappy diagnoses I've gotten in the last two weeks are not the end of the world. The hardest part for me was really that we've gone so long thinking that MFI was the only hurdle we had to jump. So hearing now that there are three significantly crappy issues on my side that could hold us back was pretty much the infertile equivalent of walking in on your parents. You turn away, alarmed, disillusioned, and in overall shock.
One more thing that sucks is that treatments could end up costing close to another 5k - worst case scenario. Which is pretty much infertility's way of pissing on the ashes that once was my retirement plan.
Now I need to clear a few things up. I'm sticking with Dr.3. I like Dr.3 (I'd say love, but we're still basically courting since I've only seen him in person once - and well, he hasn't gotten me pregnant yet - Hmm if you didn't know I was talking about IVF that statement could be misleading). AnyWAY, I believe in Dr.3. But I think it's my responsibility as a patient to question different and inconclusively proven treatments. While I'm not 100% sold on the immunological theories, my gut is telling me to go with it. Or maybe it's my uterus, since it's got a better view as to why SIX iui's failed...
Man, after taking two thirds of this year off, and away from treatments I've forgotten how truly overwhelming and consuming it is. It's like this whole other component in my marriage - it's like a second fucking job, even. Gah, I'm sort of tired of it already.
Cheese and Crackers, folks - NINE posts in one month. Are you guys sick of me yet, or what?
19 comments:
I totally get how frustrating this is for you. If only we could look into the black box which is our uterus and see what the heck is going wrong in there! And yes, IF treatments are like a second job and are exhausting!
We are not sick of you!! That's was this blog is for...to vent and talk about what you are going through. I totally understand where you are coming from...IF especially IVF is like having a second job...its draining, but hopefully worth it in the end!!
We thought we only had a MFI issue as well. Even though all my tests are normal they still diagnosed me with poor ovarian function after my first IVF! Sucks!!
Following all the instructions, taking pills/shots, dealing with insurance claims, etc. It's VERY much like a 2nd job!
Brand spankin' new follower here, so I am definitely not sick of you :)
Thanks for stopping by my blog!
9 posts in a month is great! I wish I could do 9 posts a year! ;-)
I was just telling my acupunture lady how much I want a big window on my gut so I could see what my ute is up to in there...
And yes. Anyone dealing major medical BS should be able to draw unemployment. Or would it be double-employment..?
Not sick of you at all -- this is what we are here for, to hear what you have to say and support you no matter what.
I think you're being a good medical advocate for yourself with Dr.3. Just because he's got answers doesn't mean you should just accept them with no reservations. Research, question and determine the right path for you and your husband.
Girl, we are not sick of you. It's good to vent about it. This SUCKS. All of it. If you don't vent about it, it just builds up inside and gets worse. Keep letting it out! We are here to read along and offer support. :)
You have a right to be pissed and angry! Let it out! Scream! There is time later to pick yourself up and move on...but seriously it can be therapeutic to let out that anger!
I'm enjoying the more frequent posts, though I'm sorry for the reasons for some of them.
Treatments are definitely like having a second job - it takes so much out of you!
No sick of you! I miss hearing from you so it has been nice to hear what's up in Melissa's world. I think of you every time I walk by my neighbor's house (Pavelski's parents) and send good thoughts your way. :)
Ugh, sorry. It can be a full-time job for sure. Glad you found a doctor you feel good about and wishing you the best.
It is like a 2nd job, but you don't get paid for it! I would love to be able to help with tracking the info with my web-based tracking system but it won't be ready until the end of this year or early next year. I wish you all the best!
I was actually just thinking about how happy I was that you were posting and updating so much more than normal. I LOVE IT. Because I love you and want to know what's happening. That sucks that it could cost more but THANK GOD this guy figured out what may have been a hinderance in the past. Can you imagine if you had to go ahead with IVF without knowing all of this? It doesn't take away the crapiness of it all but it definitely increases the chances of success. 3 cheers for dr. 3! And 3 more if he gets you knocked up!
I say go fir Dr 3! I am convinced that the whole reason we were successful was that I did those 3 rounds of intralipids for elevated NK levels and took steroids during this last cycle. Switching doctors was the best move I ever made!
It's enough to be gearing up for an IVF cycle with the emotions and finances and emotions and meds and emotions and timing and have I mentioned emotions? Add on top of that a new doc and some new diagnoses and that is enough to get a girl a little worked up. Keep talking. That is what this place is here for.
Many hugs, my friend.
Never sick of you. Always here (and in person) to listen, provide a shoulder and a hug.
Like Brenda, I am glad you are here talking it out.
See you next week. Virtual *hugs* 'til then.
Hi, just discovered your blog, I'll be coming back to cheer you along this all too painful journey.
I wanted to comment on the genuineness of the 'immunological issues'. There are two components to this, antibodies (against phopsholipids, thyroid etc) and 'activated cells.
Everybody buys that antibodies can contribute to infertility because they have done a lot of studies, this is easy to examine. Just bleed the person, get medical history and you can do the studies.
The activated cells, I really don't know because it just has not been tested enough. My biggest criticism (as an trained immunologist) is that it seems like they are really looking at a really narrow population, so if they find anything, they just say, 'aha, here we have a culprit!'. I really doubt that they have looked at enough women who have gotten pregnant easily and gone on to have uncomplicated pregnancies.
Unless they can prove that activated NK cells and Th1 cells are really only in the cohort that has difficulties getting pregnant, its always going to be unclear whether its REALLY a contributing factor.
My doctor tested me for many things after my miscarriage, the one thing they refused to test for was immune activation, saying it was too confusing and unclear.
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