Well the appointment I had yesterday sealed the deal. I’m done with my OB. Nothing explosive happened, but the in-depth conversation I had with him regarding childbirth plans pretty much gave me all of the ammunition information I needed.
O.V.E.R.
He’s a lovely doctor, and I’m sure that our baby would be delivered safely in his care, but I evidently wouldn’t have much of a say in it. So here’s the first part of what you should know and where things went wrong.
I’m hoping to deliver this child naturally. With no epidural, and minimal medical intervention.
What my dinosaur doctor heard was: I hate Doctors and hospitals and I plan to be as uncooperative and insubordinate as possible during my delivery, so good luck with that.
He started off by suggesting I stay away from reading materials. Explaining that they can be quite dogmatic and contradictory to other sources, and that my body will really know what to do because it’s programmed into our DNA. Okay, I get that school of thinking. I can appreciate the theory of the power of suggestion, and I just so happen to agree 100% that delivering a baby is probably built into my DNA. But I also believe that you can prepare yourself for something like this. I will be experiencing a level of pain to which I have never known. Not even after sitting through the entire showing of Sex and the City II. I think I should know what’s coming. And the more I sat there listening to him, the more it sounded like he was saying “This is what can happen if you let women learn how to read…”
When I say I want to deliver with no epidural and minimal medical intervention, I do not mean: in a barn. I am not Anti- Doctor, or medicine. Obviously, we did IV-fucking F. I’ll do whatever means necessary to get my desired result, savvy? And I am also not stupid. I realize that I can make all the birth “plans” I want, and things could end up 180 degrees differently. (Hi Murgdan!) So aside from preferring a completely natural delivery, our other plan is to know our options. So in Scenario A, B, C, or Q, Brian and I will have some kind of idea of what my preferences are so I won’t have to deliberate a life changing decision in the midst of a contraction. Or if I’ve checked out completely, (not dead, but incapacitated) Brian and I will be on the same page.
When I mentioned this to him a few months ago, I’m guessing he yes’d me on the au natural part. But today when I talked to him about studying The Bradley Method, the mood all changed. He told me that the Bradley Method was somewhat “Anti-Doctor”. Which is interesting because so far what I’ve gotten out of the book, is that it’s really about husband/partner coached labor. When I explained that my main idea’s behind using this method is that it took so much medical intervention to get me pregnant, I really like the idea of giving my body back the control. Not to mention taking some of the work load off of my poor kidneys. On top of that I think this could be a really amazing experience for Brian and I as a couple. I don’t believe that labor has to be scary and dramatic. I know it will be painful and hard work, and potentially very long. (that’s why they call it labor, no?) But I also believe that I am capable of doing it without much involvement from medical technologies.
I asked him how many of his patients delivered naturally, he said 20-30%. And then he said the percentages were lower with his Bradley patients, and that I might want to consider getting a doula to assist us. (Which I’m totally not opposed to, I’m actually trying to find one that will take my insurance) And continued on that ‘no one really wants medical intervention, but sometimes it’s just necessary’. I interjected with: I actually know women who would sign up for an epidural now, if the release form came with their hpt kit. True Story. And then what I should have said but wasn’t quick enough to think of is: Odd though that if no one really wants medical intervention, how come 70-80% of your patients end up with
it????
Please know, I am not against Medical Intervention. Epidurals. Hospitals. Doctors. Nurses. Vaccines. America’s Got Talent being renewed for yet another season, even though I truly believe it is a crime against humanity. DO WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU. To each, his own. All god’s children, yada yada... I’m just saying this is my preference and I’m going to find a licensed medical practitioner who will do their damnedest to help us prepare for it, and hopefully see us through a delivery the way we’d prefer, while in a safe and legal nature, resulting in an insanely healthy live baby being born. If there are one hundred and forty two things I've learned from Infertility, number two on the list is being your own advocate. Good day to you, Sir.
17 comments:
Ugh, good riddance. That's a huge reason I left my OB and am now using the certified nurse midwives practice that delivers at my local hospital. They are much more open and supportive of using hypobirth or the bradley method and saying no to epidurals. Having that support during childbirth is key!
Check out Oak's birth experience - pretty inspiring!
http://elusiveembryo.blogspot.com/p/birth-preferences.html
I am just starting the process of deciding what I want to do. I recently found out that most of the patients delivered by my doc are induced on Mondays (her day to be at the hospital all day). I REALLY do not want to be induced. Unfortunately I live in a small community with only one OBGYN so I am already driving 40 miles to get to this doc. How far am I going to have to go to find someone good?
I am all about switching docs if they can't listen/give you what you need/make you feel comfortable & supported. I just don't think that's too much to ask, especially for something so important! Good for you for going elsewhere now--I have several friends who were not pleased with their OBs but stuck it out and ended up with birth experiences they really weren't happy with. You need someone you can trust, period.
smart girl. I HATE doctors who are offended by the wishes of their patients. It's just annoying.
Good luck--I hope you find just the right person to help you achieve your goals!
Just wanted to pop in and tell you how proud of you I am for being such a good advocate for yourself. :)
We used The Bradley Method and did not find it to be anti-doctor at all. I found that the focus was on making (and, in non-emergency situations, being allowed to make) informed decisions.
We had a doula and it was incredibly helpful. I don't know if we would have been able to have the birth that we did (induced at 41 weeks, natural childbirth (no drugs), vaginal delivery) without her. I'd recommend trying to find one that's familiar with Bradley though if you can. (We asked our Bradley teacher for recommendations).
We worked at a midwife and delivered at a hospital that was just made for natural childbirths with big tubs (you could only labor in the tub,though; no waterbirths allowed) and grab bars by the beds and birthing balls you could use.
Sorry for the novel; just excited for you guys!
I agree - it's great to be your own advocate. It's more important now than ever before! Stick to your guns on this one. I delivered my now 13 year old ohhhh natural and it was the best decision ever. Good luck!
I'm totally of the "Epidural? Yes please!" ilk. But also completely of the "To Each, His Own" ilk. Was totally smiling along with your whole post and completely pictured you speed-talking the last paragraph in one breath. :) Absolutely be your own advocate and find someone who completely supports your plan. Good luck!
Yeah, I feel like you haven't had a good connection with this OB from the get-go. And on the biggest day of your life, when you're feeling a million different things at once, you definitely don't want to feel lukewarm feelings towards the person who is responsible for helping to bring your little one into this world. I think this a good decision for you and WAY TO GO for sticking up for yourself and your baby.
(And I am totally one of those women who would've checked the "epi please" box if it came with an HPT kit. ;)
Good for you for standing up for yourself and what you believe is right for you! You're absolutely right - any of us that have gone through IF knows that you MUST be your own advocate!!!
Amen, sista! So well written, it should be circulated to empower other women contemplating the same steps but unable or too afraid or intimated to do!
Sounds like he was a real peach! You're better off without that kind of doctor.
Sounds like you put in an honest effort to try to communicate your needs with your doctor and at the end of the day you have to go with your gut and listen to that little voice inside you. You are so right to be your own advocate! Good luck in your search for a new OB! You will find that support who respects your wishes for a natural childbirth with a balance of modern medicine as appropriate.
I am ever surprised and irritated by the number of medical/birthing professionals who can't just offer answers to questions when asked without feeling the need to preach their own personal views on the matter. I just want to know the facts, so I can make a decision by myself, and if one more person makes a confused/horrified face about my decision to go with a midwife and a hospital based birthday center (hospital people think it's risky and irresponsible and home birther/free-standing birth center people think it is like signing my soul over to the devil) I'm going to lose it.
Good luck in your own search to find "the one".
:-) So excited for you and wishing you ALL the best...no matter how it turns out labor-wise. But hoping you get what you are hoping for in that regards. AM impressed about the doc calling you to apoligize/clarify things--but still probably a good choice to look elsewhere given his first response. :-) Glad you are well.
He suggested you 'stay away from reading material" ARE YOU KIDDING ME? My jaw dropped reading that. Seriously, what kind of doctor tells his patients to be ignorant? Apparently there are way too many. the OB's in my community made the hospital quit offering pre-natal classes because too many patients were advocating for themselves using the info that they learned in the prenatal classes. Beyond horrendous.
I am super proud of you for listening to your gut and taking care of yourself by finding a birth professional who will really listen to an respect your wishes.
We have hired a doula and already met with her a few times. Unfortunately our insurance doesn't pay for her services, so we are paying 700, which I am considering as just another drop in the bucket to get this kid here to us safe and sound. Good Luck and let us know if you find a way to get your insurance to pay!
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