A little less than a month from now, I will be going back to work.
And holy crap, I really don't want to.
Unfortunately, since it cost us so much to get pregnant and become parents. We have a fair amount of debt that needs to be paid off. On top of that my husband is a small business owner and we're not in the position to afford to pay for Health Insurance in addition to paying off that debt. So I'm really lucky that the company I work for provides kick ass health benefits. For all three of us. And that I have a job to go back to, period.
Being at home and taking care of our tiny, yet comfortable home makes me so incredibly happy. And being here every day with Leah brings me to a level of spiritual fulfillment that I can't even begin to describe. It feels like this is what I was meant to do.
So each day that passes makes me dread going back to work more and more. BUT, fortunately that my company will let me start back part time. Three days a week. And I'll be bring Leah in with me on one of those days, every week. The other two days she will be with my mother-in-law.
I'm grateful to my MIL for being generous enough with her time to offer to take care of our little girl two days a week. Though I know secretly she wishes it was five. Which makes my hackles go up a little bit. Overall I think I'm doing a little better with my territorial feelings, but they are most certainly not gone. I still kind of want to yank Leah away from her each time she holds her and talks baby talk to her. Yet I refrain. And every time she sees Leah, she calls her her little "Snookum Pie", which makes me throw up in my mouth a little. But then I think of the days that she's come to our house to visit with Leah, and I'm in awe to see a grandmother who loves her grandchild so very much that she will skip meals and bathroom breaks in order to avoid setting down the baby who has been sleeping on her shoulder for the last two hours. And I think, how lucky are we? How lucky is Leah, that she'll have a grandmother who will love her as much as mine loves me. (The same grandmother whom I made Leah's middle name sake) And then I feel like a complete asshole for not wanting to share.
But I will continue to work on it. It might even be a good reason to get back into therapy for a session or two. Because I really can't put my finger on where this stems from. But it's not good, even if it is "normal".
My other concern is how well I will manage my home life on top of working. I never felt like I could do either 100% well before. So how do I take care of my husband, daughter, home and work???
Any advice from you ladies on how to make it all work?
8 comments:
Wish I could say my house is spotless all the time, dinner's on the table every night, but I would be lying. My house is messier than it's ever been, but it's with baby toys. And for now, that kind of messy is just fine with me. You'll make it work though, you'll find your new routine and get into a groove. Enjoy the next few weeks at home with Leah!! And that's awesome that you are starting back part time, can take her with you, or she's with your MIL!!
It makes you want to vomit in your mouth...HAHAHAHA. I totally get that. My MIL watches Stella one day a week, and as much as I appreciate the help and the extra $40 to pay other bills with each week, I still have a very hard time with it. No idea why...
As far as house maintenance - on my days off, I'll try to prep 2-3 meals at once so they're ready to just pop in the oven when I get home from work or make up in 5-10 minutes on the stove. Then while Daddy is getting his Stella time right after we both get home from work, I clean up a little while dinner is in the oven. We all eat dinner together as a fam after that, and pretty soon we're in bed. Also, in the mornings, my husband helps with unloading the dishwasher, running the vaccuum, etc. So far that's the only kind of balance I've been able to find!
Well, to truly get it all done I basically use every spare minute I have. On my days "off" (ha, home from work but taking care of the two munchkins) I go grocery shopping and cook 2-3 meals ahead of time for the week. I do the housecleaning in sections while they nap, and Sunday mornings before church while hubs entertains them I do all the vacuuming and hard floor scrubbing. I do things like baseboards and dusting while they play, and before work every morning the hubs and I fold laundry and unload the dishwasher, etc. It's exhausting, but it keeps everything running somewhat smoothly. And everyone told me to just relax on the cleaning but truthfully, I'm not relaxed when the house is messy so keeping it clean was still a priority for me. Of course, with two toddlers it's never really clean, ha.
You'll figure it out and make it work, and you can sleep later on :)
It sounds like we have a very similar situation. I returned to work when my son was nearly 5 months old for 4 days a week and my MIL looks after him on the days I am working. It was hard to begin with but you fall into a routine and once you are actually physically DOING it, it is alot easier than the IDEA of doing it. If that makes sense! GOOD LUCK!
There is no magic -- sometimes it feels like you are getting a bminus grade at mothering, being a wife/partner and working. But other days it all flows. Important thing is to be kind to yourself.
I'm at the end of my first week back to work (had to go full time) and haven't figured it out yet. I'm exhausted, sad and feel like I have no time with my little one. I'm considering quitting and staying at home, but we can do that without changing our lifestyle much. I wish you a lot of luck and patience as you try to figure it out!
MIL relationships can be tricky...and I can only imagine how much trickier once a much-loved grandbaby is involved. I still have so many unresolved feelings with J's mom...and, it's so bad, I get my hackles up NOW thinking about a future baby not even HERE yet. (I know.) So, I get it, in my own way, I do. I think it's great you're going to see someone, helped me so much during IF...and if I need post-IF trenches for aftershocks, well, I'll be going again for sure!
I don't think you have to do it all. I just think you have to do what you can. And I bet that's plenty. XOXO (Feel free to throw that one back at me one day, when I need it!) Love ya!
Prepare to be overwhelmed. That's my advice. I'm personally finding it very difficult with both of us working full time and am starting to evaluate my options.
Post a Comment