I cannot believe it's September. Three months ago I assumed I would be welcoming this month with open arms and a decaf Pumpkin Spice Latte. Instead my heart aches for this summers swift passing. This is the third fall I have welcomed with nothing but failed cycles behind me and the end of another year ticking away like a metronome.
I love Fall. September 1st has always been important to me, something I looked forward to. But it is especially bittersweet now that we're involved in assisted cycles, and still have nothing to show for it. I feel like this year is slipping away and our chance for a 2010 baby is going with it...
Of course I'm still hopeful in the orthodox ways. I wouldn't be doing these IUI's and acupuncture if I didn't think they would work. I just feel like it's getting harder and harder to picture our life with a baby in it. Sometimes because it's just too painful to think about, and other times I'm sort of afraid to jinx it. How sad is that? Am I really at the point where I think day dreaming might actually destroy our chance at conceiving? My superstitions, much like my optimism, have become alarmingly erratic. Oh well.
On to good thoughts. And good things. Good things that spoil my diet.
This is my Grandmother. Every September we get together to bake apple pies. Everyone has a favorite dish cooked by a family member, and in mine, it's Grandma's apple pie. My affinity for her not-so-precise recipe runs so deeply that I won't even order apple pie at restaurants. They just never taste right.
Cooking is a huge part of the connection I share with my family. We usually plan out a menu before we even have an event to prepare it for. I can't think of a better way to spend a Saturday. My Grandmother is one of the most amazing women I have ever known. She is the epitome of a matriarch. Gracious and kind, but stern when it's called for. Warm, welcoming, and always there when you're in a bind. She's 84 and will totally kick your ass at Croquette. She and my grandfather helped my dad raise my brother and I. We grew up three blocks away and spent every day after school with them until High School. We're with them every holiday, and every special occasion. They have made me into the woman I am today, and this month the family will help them celebrate their 64th wedding anniversary.
Behold, the finished product. How do you make an apple pie pretentious? Monogram it.
10 comments:
Oh, I love your monogrammed pie! I totally feel you about the 2010 baby. It's amazing how 2009 has flown by, and how last year I was SO SURE I'd have a baby by now. It's nice that you are taking time to appreciate your roots. I LOVE FALL TOO!
As much as I hated it, I always marked each passing season (holiday, birthday, etc...) according to this same standard. It's so hard.
And...um. YUM! I forgot about the pumpkin spice latte....a season staple!
is it appropriate that i want to shove my face in that pie?? looks delicious. i'm so glad that you and your grandmother are able to cook together... :)
my g-parents will celebrate 67!!! years this christmas... i only hope that i get 67 years with my husband!!
Just keep swimming, girl!
But I agree. Let's put the breaks on the remainder of this year. =)
I loved your description of your dear Grandma. Your relationship with her reminds me so much of the one I had with my Grammy Jane (I miss her every day!).
Your gramma has always been the coolest, classiest lady. Say hi to her for me.
Mmm..Apple Pie...
Your Grandma sounds awesome.
I feel you; every day I feel all of our chances for a 2010 baby is just vanishing. Makes me feel horrible...and lonely.
But, honestly a Pumpkin Spiced Latte could possibly make me feel better...
Here's to Fall and Possibilites.
Oh wow! I'd loooooove a slice of that beautiful pie right now.
Sorry about yet another season sans BFP, I do know how that feels but how wonderful is it to have a brilliant grandma like yours? I'm sure that makes everything better. Make sure you enjoy her as much as you can.
I wish I had mine to make me a bit of her apple cake ;-)
Keeping my fingers crossed for you, maybe your fave season (mine too) brings you a sweet surprise ;-)
I hope that 2009 is still your year.
I love the family tradition you have - we really do not have that going on in my family and it is a void I feel quite frequently.
Thinking of you.
Oh, nom nom nom! You make my mouth water for my mom's apple pie. I feel the same way about her's- but I have to wait until Thanksgiving to get some of that.
STILL hoping and praying that 2009 is going to be your year. You've still got months left!
Wow that apple pie looks simply delicious. And i love the story of your grandma - those relationships are so precious.
Totally get the feeling like it's never going to happen - too many failed cycles rob us of our hope. It seems like such a special dream, a dream that can never come true. Sigh.
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