I think it's over.
She went the entire day today on just formula.
And did great.
Per a friends recommendation I switched her from the Soy Based formula over to a Dairy Based Sensitive formula. Truthfully the soy based was HORRIBLE. Over two weeks I had worked my way up from cutting it with a 1/2 teaspoon of formula to cutting it 50/50 with my pumped milk, and the few times I tried to give her straight formula she flat out refused it. So I started the new stuff at 50/50, and within four days was able to give it to her straight. I tried this one too and it's a vast improvement over the soy. Like a thin room temperature milkshake, really. At first I worried about the sugar content, but in all honesty it's probably not much different in sweetness to the way my milk tastes. Well, tasted.
I have gradually reduced the amount that I am pumping. Down from four times a day, to two. And at some point this week it will be one...
And then none.
While I feel at peace with my decision to switch; there was really no way I could continue with trying to nurse her, or be shackled to a pump four times a day. I can't help but mourn the loss of my physical connection to Leah. From egg, to embryo, to fetus, then a baby in my arms, and milk in my breasts. I've been lucky to have this amazing connection with her, but in a way it now it feels like it's being severed. It was a sacred bond that we had, just me and her. And selfishly, I loved that it was something else no one else could do.
And I know I'm trading this one little thing for a much different kind of bond. It's pretty fricken cool to see her want me. She actually knows how to express that she wants ME to hold her. But I just wasn't prepared to let it go so soon. So I'm dealing with it the way I know best, by eating my feelings. My glorious dairy filled feelings.
Oh, how I missed you, cheese. Brie will always be there for me...
8 comments:
:( I'm sorry that it's hard right now. It's great that your girl has taken to the formula though; it will make life much easier and less painful. I am dreading the day that my baby weans; she is already on the bottle for most of the day and only nursing at night and in the mornings. Plus she eats. As in solids, and copious amounts of it too, so I know it's just a matter of time.
How are things going with the MIL? Mine's not jockeying for "firsts," and overall is a great Nana, but I'm not gonna lie - I know how you feel about the Momma Bear thing, and I am 100 different types of possessive when it comes to my girl, mostly b/c I see the way my MIL looks at her, and wants her to be hers. My mom? Not so much. Nor with the rest of the family, just my MIL who only had sons and who I think deep down always wanted a daughter. Anyway, I get it. Hoping you are working through some of that stuff and setting some healthy boundaries with your MIL!
I'm not looking forward to weaning, because I know I will feel the same way. But I think I'd feel that way no matter WHEN I weaned, so I guess it's inevitable at some point.
I'm not looking forward to weaning, because I know I will feel the same way. But I think I'd feel that way no matter WHEN I weaned, so I guess it's inevitable at some point.
Sorry I published that twice!
I'm proud of you for making the decision that was right for you and your family.
I too had a hard time emotionally when R and I stopped nursing. Please try to keep in mind that even though the physical manifestation of your bond (the nursing) has ended, that your bond with Leah has not ended.
For something completely different, JD and I went for tapas last night and we had fried cheese balls with honey-marmalade. I don't think the fried part is necessary, maybe try with the brie. I think it will change your life. :)
Ugh, that would be so hard, but I'm glad she's taking to the formula. Mmmmmm....brie....have you ever tried it on a Nilla wafer with a schmear of raspberry preserves? HEAVEN.
I am so glad that you found a formula that Leah liked and that the transition has gone smoothly.
With your love of all things dairy, do me a favor and don't OD on the cheese, OK? :)
I was sad when we weaned too. It's hard moving forward, but it's good to mourn the loss of the connection, and work on your other ways to connect - you have lots of them!
Enjoy the cheese!!! :)
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