I know the depths of the IF battlefield so well that it still knocks the wind out of me when I think about my darkest days.
It haunts me.
I am afraid of who I was.
Terrified that it will find me again.
The anguish. The sorrow. Consumed on a daily basis by the fear of the unknown. It's crippling. Still.
When I see my dear friends, in the blogosphere and in real life suffering; consumed, paralyzed by loss. By failure. It crushes me.
Especially now that I know the joy, the unbelievable gift of a child. It kills me that much more to think of my friends who have been denied the experience. Who have suffered losses.
I want it so very much for them.
Why can't children come from wishes?
4 comments:
Do you ever go back and read old blog posts?
Even though I'm not quite at that "baby in my arms" phase, I still find myself wondering who that girl is in my old posts. I feel so different now, but it always saddens me to read my old stuff.
I have re-read my old posts...
I was in the process of doing a poor man's back up, and I had to stop for a bit. I kept bawling while I was doing it before bed, my husband made me take a break from it.
Brutal.
If they did come from wishes...the world would be a much better place.
Amen! Totally agree with this!
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