Injured Reserve

You may or may not have noticed that I've been MIA for the last week or so, I am sorry for that because I've missed you all, but I have a relatively good excuse. I threw my back out last week. ***Whispers in the crowd "I though she was like 31, not 72"***. I am in fact still thirty-one though I feel like I'm Seventy-two. I wish I had an awesomely heroic or acrobatic story to accompany my injury, but I don't. I was reaching for a hairbrush and BAM(!) I couldn't stand back up... (pathetic, I know)

Sadly this is not my first back injury. Those of you with medical degree's or previous back injuries are likely rolling their eyes with a simultaneous "DUH". The first injury happened almost three years ago when my uncle was dying from Colon Cancer and we had to drive six hours each way to his house because he was moving back home. I didn't lift anything particularly heavy I think it was a combination of the emotional stress from the pending loss and moving, and having two, six hour drives with in three days. My other serious relapse was stress related as well. I guess that's why this injury is so baffling. It wasn't stress related at all.

I saw my chiropractor, and he mentioned something about my Sacroiliac Joint and the ligament that wraps around it... I don't really remember the details because I was in excruciating pain and wasn't really paying attention to anything that wasn't making me feel better. I spent the next three days either flat on my back or standing, because sitting was extremely painful (which made going to the bathroom... interesting). The three days I was at home I couldn't bare to sit down in front of our desktop, and our router is busted so my laptop is somewhat useless. And by the time I've gotten home from work this week, all I want is a big glass of wine and to be flat on my back. So please forgive me, because I'm WAY behind on all your posts. I have to say though that Brian has been absolutely incredible. Sunday he went to Costco for me and came back with flowers. Then when I came home from work Monday evening the lawn had been mowed, the kitchen was spotless and he had vacuumed the entire house. (Thank you again dear!!!)

The good news is this has given me a good excuse to go see my acupuncturist, whom I love, love, LOVE. And I've seen my Chiro almost every day which has yielded significant progress. I was thrilled when he recommend acupuncture, and he was a little surprised when I told him I already had a particular office I'd being going to. Which lead to the discussion of IF, and then about how my current injury might be impacted by pregnancy (g*d willing). He said even after I'm feeling better I should come in for adjustments every few months, and that he will definitely be able to help me when I do (eventually/hopefully) get pregnant, and that I shouldn't worry about it too much.

Two other crappy parts about being sidelined by this injury is that one, I wasn't able to complete or submit my Project IF post by the deadline - which breaks my heart but I just couldn't sit in front of a computer, nor was I really in the mood to write. (If you think I'm agro here, be thankful that you've never seen me while I'm in a lot of pain) And two I'm not able to excersize AT ALL. Which is not so good when you're on the weightloss train. But, it is what is it I guess. I'm just focusing on recovering. So if you'll excuse me now, I have a CRAP LOAD of blogs that I love, to catch up on.

OH one more thing! My very good friend Jessica gave birth to her little girl last week. I am so thrilled for she and her husband and I can't wait to meet her daughter. Jess has been very supportive through my journey, and because of that she is one of the few IRL friends that has access to this blog. She also struggled a bit with PCOS so I'm even more thrilled that she's finally got her little one.

Project IF, My Part I

I promise I'm hard at work on my Project IF post, but I've got a little more work to do. In the mean time I feel it's important that I mention the significance of this week - National Infertility Awareness Week. I've been looking forward to it in a way, because I feel like this is "our week" to be a little bit more significant and get some recognition. But I also feel like a total hypocrite because I'm not completely out of the IF closet.

No one at work (outside of my close friends) knows. I've never talked about it on facebook, or any other public forum. I've also only chosen a select few of my friends to tell- and only three of them know about and have access to this blog. And at this very moment I can't think of any other reason than my deep seeded fear of divulging any kind of insecurity - which suddenly seems incredibly lame... I guess I've always been someone that held their cards close, but it feels wrong in a way now because I feel so strongly about advocacy. Yet I can't even be open in real life. Which makes me wonder if I have other friends who might be dealing with this, and like me, have just never opened up about it. What IF they don't know about this incredible blogging community? What IF they are suffering in silence?

I've been thinking about this a lot and how much I wish I could come out to ALL my friends - but I'm just not ready. I want to so badly and the post by Keiko at Hannah Wept, Sarah Laughed has brought me very close to wanting to shout it from the roof tops. Please, please PLEASE go check out Keiko's post and video. Oh, and BRING TISSUES.

If you're not familiar with Project IF, please head over to Mel's to learn more and get involved. It's an incredibly significant project that I think we will all benefit from, even if only cathartically.

And just a disclaimer - I don't mean to sound disparaging to those of you who are in the closet as well. I totally understand and appreciate everyone's need for privacy. I just wish I was strong enough to come out and support those who are out as well.