Because I'm Grateful

I’m hoping with all I’ve got that I didn’t come across like a complete spoiled brat in my last post. The reality of it is that I like to write ranty posts. And in those posts I tend to blow things out of proportion. Not to say that we didn’t encounter the world’s biggest tool in the form of a BRS employee, or that I didn’t cry while filling out the application for our registry. Because I did. I cried because I couldn’t believe we were finally in the position to do this. For years that store had been a source of heartache and misery for me, and I couldn’t fathom the concept that we were sitting in it. Registering for products. For our baby. And please know that I completely understand that being overwhelmed by all of that is a great problem to have…

And also for reference, blowing things out of proportion; usually funnier. 

I’ve done a little more registering, all online. And we did register with Amaz.on, which is cool because you can register for products universally – like for things on Etsy. By the way is it EEEEtsee or Ehhhtsy? I also want to thank those of you who recommended the baby bargain book. Which reminds me I have to give a shout out to Shelby who personally recommended it to me MONTHS ago, and I forgot. Until I saw it in all of your comments… Go me. 

There’s been a shift in perception for me. I think part of it due to feeling the baby constantly move and kick – Brian has too! And also just from the simple act of counting each week, and how far along I’ve made it in this pregnancy. It’s mind blowing and I am so fricken thankful every day. While I’m of course overjoyed with the idea of meeting our baby, I’m starting to feel a little sad that this pregnancy is almost over. I have less than 13 weeks left. And this will probably be my last. Yes, we have one frozen embryo, but who is to say it will make it through the defrost, and then take. The other part is, I’m not sure I want to go through the treatment rollercoaster ever again. Mostly because it fucking blows, but also because we’re still paying off this first one. And all of the factors as to why we might just have the one, is a perfect reminder of exactly how far we’ve come and how much it pains me to think about how there are so many of you out there who are still elbow deep in it.  Several of whom I am friends with IRL. I hope you don’t think I’ve forgotten. Because believe me, it never goes away. 


I guess I also just want to convey that on top of being grateful, I am actually very much enjoying this pregnancy. And now that the baby is more active, I'm starting to realize we'll actually have an infant to bring home in a few months. And the more I think about it, and the more I watch my tummy move from kicks and turns, the more in love I fall. It's breathtaking. 

Well my brother's wedding is done. It was beautiful and fun, and I've gained a fabulous new Sister-in-Law. You might remember I ordered a regular dress two sizes too big, because I was 10-12 weeks or so at the time. Then I got it and it was a tent. I think the alterations lady did the best she could, but it still kind of looked like a moo-moo. The bottom line is that it was just not meant to be a maternity dress. I loved the color, and it was definitely comfy, but flattering - not so much. 


And my most exciting update. I have a new Doctor! Or better yet, Midwife! She is part of a practice with three OB's, and one other Midwife. While she plans to be in town for Christmas, there is a small possibility I could end up with someone else in the practice on the big day. But anyway, she's FANTASTIC. My first appointment with her was two weeks ago, and when we first sat down they hadn't gotten my charts from my other OB yet. So we just talked. I told her all about my IF history, and every step of my pregnancy along the way. And  when I told her about wanting to pursue natural child birth, do you know what she said to me? "Wow, good for you. I can see how doing it naturally would be so healing after everything you've been through".. OMFG, SHE GETS IT. And I didn't even have to explain myself! She was so friendly, and so compassionate. And took the time to explain little things that are going on with the baby, that no one else ever has! She checked my fundal height - right on target! And showed me how to tell exactly how high my uterus is. And holy crap, get this: They have an office Dog. A sweet little female black lab, who wanders around looking for the next most comfortable place to sleep. Maybe hoping for a little love on the way there. SO COOL. I know that might sound strange, believe me, their office is in a large medical facility. Not some alley. Anyway, the rest of the staff seems really cool too. 


I go back again this afternoon because I'm so far along and because she didn't have my records, she wanted to see me again in two weeks so that we could review everything. I also had my Gestational Diabetes Test last Thursday, so I'll probably get the results then. I'm SO hoping that no news is good news and that they didn't bother to call me since I'm coming in. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. The stuff tasted like flat sprite with about a cup of sugar added to it. This coming from someone who rarely drinks soda. Drinking the stuff at least took the edge off being hungry, but at the same time gave me a bit of a sour stomach. All and all, not the worst experience...


Our first birthing class will actually be this weekend. It was supposed to be last week, but it's long story that I will fill you in on after the class. Sorry, I've been MIA... I've had so many posts in my head, but you know how it goes...


Update: Per request, here are some pics from the wedding. =)

Brian talking to the baby

Me and the Maid of Honor

See, it's not awful, just not flattering. I don't look pregnant, I look thick. Ahh well....

Registered Imbecile

I’d like to take this opportunity to thank the 17 year-old fuckstick behind the registry counter at babies.r.us, for helping to make our registering experience remarkably awful. Not only did you ridicule our choice to keep the sex of our unborn child a surprise, but you also managed to be completely useless in the mean-time. Well done, idiot. 

Okay, our experience wasn’t entirely awful. But you have to know me well enough by now that you understand my penchant for chastising stupid people. That is not to say that I never find myself in the position to feel completely useless and idiotic. Because I can be. And four years of infertility has helped make sure of that. You see, during those four years going anywhere near the vicinity of a baby-centric store brought forth so much pain that it was literally difficult to breathe. Hell, if I’m being honest, it sucked just to pass the baby food isle at the grocery store.  So I should have had some idea that after years of not needing said products, on top of years of avoiding them, that it would pretty much guarantee that I’d know JACK SHIT about any of it now that the time has come that I actually do need it. Jack. Shit. 

The evening started off by me almost completely losing it while filing out the one page questionnaire to get our registry started. 

Registrants Name: Melissa G. 

Co-Registrants Name: Brian awesomely supportive, even when his wife proves yet again to be bat-shit crazy, G.

Event date: Cue unrelenting tears. 

So I made it through the rest of the questionnaire and seven isles and 83 minutes later we had to stop because I couldn’t wrap my head around the magnitude of it all anymore. It was like complete and utter sensory overload. On top of that I have never felt so uninformed as a consumer. I knew almost absolutely nothing about the products. Who was reputable, and which products were worth the extra money? Do I need to sterilize the bottles? If so, why do they sell drying wracks? How come some have straws and some have bags? I’d done research on the basics like strollers and car seats, but I know nothing of baby monitors or what makes one diaper bag more useful than the other.  Imagine going to Home Depot for the very first time and being asked to compile all the parts in order to build a water heater from scratch. And if you don’t do it right, your peers will laugh at you and also, it proves you’re going to be a bad mother. 

We went two different times, and I left there more cross-eyed each time. Thank god for my best friend, Teresa. She has three boys. So she knows. And she’s going to make it all better. Because otherwise? I’m not going back.