Here's What I'm Thinking....

“We Plan, God Laughs”


“Life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans”


“Don’t make plans, just planned to be surprised”


Between the books about birthing, and the medical professionals I’ve spoken with. Not to mention plain ol’ life experience, I’ve learned that making plans can often backfire on you. After all, I assumed that by the age of 32, I’d be pregnant with my second kid. At least that was my plan four years ago. 


This post is going to be about my “birth plan”, but I don’t want to call it that. Because even my super mellow, very open minded Midwife cringes at the concept of a birth plan. Her reason being that a small percentage of births are ever actually “text book”.  I’ve heard other doctors say they are concerned with patients having Birth Plans because if things go off course, the patient can get very nervous, agitated or even disillusioned. 


Which is another reason I love my Bradley Method classes. It’s not just about natural childbirth. It’s about being informed. They talk to about epidurals and C-Sections, and they are not viewed as failures, it’s just what happens sometimes. The important thing is that you’re educated on what your options are.


So here’s what I’m thinking I’d like from the hospital staff during the birth of our child, if circumstances remain ideal: 


(I'll be giving this letter to my midwife for my chart, and bringing several copies to the hospital on the big day.)


Hello! We are Melissa and Brian G, impending parents to a wonderful baby whom we don't know the sex of yet (and would love to keep it that way until the birth, please!) We spent over four years trying to get to this point, so this baby is very long awaited. We are practicing the Bradley Method and barring any unforeseen complications, hope to have as little intervention as possible. 

During Labor we would appreciate:

• No visitors (not even Mom's) :)
• Lights and voices kept low
• Minimal Staff interruptions
• A nurse who is open to or experienced with natural birthing
• No IV if possible.
• No pain scale questions or offering of pain medications
• Minimal Internal exams
• Please do not rupture membranes (break my water)
• No Episiotomy - Perineal Massage is preferred
• Freedom to move. i.e. walk, shower, use birthing ball, and laboring bar

Delivery: 

• Minimal coached pushing: we are hoping to use a method to breathe the baby out
• Skin to Skin time: Please place the baby directly on to the mothers chest or abdomen and leave to breastfeed and bond with the parents for at least the first 30 minutes. 
• Please delay cleaning, weighing or measuring
• Refrain from clamping or cutting the umbilical cord until it has stopped pulsing
• Father would like to cut the cord when the time comes
• Allow up to an hour before the placenta is delivered. No Pitocin if possible. 

A good portion of my labor will be spent meditating and focusing inward on myself and my body. Letting it do what it needs to do. I’ve been working on meditation for a few years now and hope to use the techniques I’ve learned to help me get through the most difficult parts of labor. Brian will be there to help and support me emotionally and physically. By giving massages, walking with me, helping me balance while squatting either on the birthing ball, or laboring bar, or in his arms, and offering encouragement and praise as I progress. He will also make sure that I am drinking reasonable amounts of water, and snacking as necessary to maintain my strength. 

I know the snacking thing is controversial. Our Bradley teacher advises snacks that are very easily digested, because your body will require so much energy elsewhere. So apple sauce, soup broth, a banana, juices – great, now I want apple sauce- you get the picture. This will mostly be done at home, and the plan is to labor there as long as possible. My understanding on the whole reason hospitals won’t let you eat:  in case they have to put you under general anesthetic. Which is rare during child birth, they mostly use epidurals. And it’s really just a precaution to prevent other complications. From having full intestines during surgery, or in case the GA makes you nauseous and you throw up and aspirate while on the table... And various other unpleasantries.  The truth is, they have other measures to combat this – what if you’re in a car accident on your way back from a pie eating contest and they have to stop your internal bleeding? They’re not going to wait 12 hours for your system to clear out, right? So yes, it’s safe to snack during labor, maybe just skip the meatball sub. 

Brian and I have also asked our friend Teresa to be in the room with us acting as a Doula. She will be there to support and advocate for both Brian and I. Aside from being a very dear friend, her qualifications include: Three completely natural, uncomplicated births. The last one being at home (yes, on purpose). We think she will be a very good asset for the outcome we desire, and we’re so glad she accepted. 

If any of you have a similar birth plan (Hi Josey! Hi foxy!), and see something I forgot, feel free to mention it in a comment. If you think I’m ridiculous for not wanting an epidural and would like to remind me “there’s no points for pain”,  feel free to kiss BOTH SIDES of my ass.

Because I'm Grateful

I’m hoping with all I’ve got that I didn’t come across like a complete spoiled brat in my last post. The reality of it is that I like to write ranty posts. And in those posts I tend to blow things out of proportion. Not to say that we didn’t encounter the world’s biggest tool in the form of a BRS employee, or that I didn’t cry while filling out the application for our registry. Because I did. I cried because I couldn’t believe we were finally in the position to do this. For years that store had been a source of heartache and misery for me, and I couldn’t fathom the concept that we were sitting in it. Registering for products. For our baby. And please know that I completely understand that being overwhelmed by all of that is a great problem to have…

And also for reference, blowing things out of proportion; usually funnier. 

I’ve done a little more registering, all online. And we did register with Amaz.on, which is cool because you can register for products universally – like for things on Etsy. By the way is it EEEEtsee or Ehhhtsy? I also want to thank those of you who recommended the baby bargain book. Which reminds me I have to give a shout out to Shelby who personally recommended it to me MONTHS ago, and I forgot. Until I saw it in all of your comments… Go me. 

There’s been a shift in perception for me. I think part of it due to feeling the baby constantly move and kick – Brian has too! And also just from the simple act of counting each week, and how far along I’ve made it in this pregnancy. It’s mind blowing and I am so fricken thankful every day. While I’m of course overjoyed with the idea of meeting our baby, I’m starting to feel a little sad that this pregnancy is almost over. I have less than 13 weeks left. And this will probably be my last. Yes, we have one frozen embryo, but who is to say it will make it through the defrost, and then take. The other part is, I’m not sure I want to go through the treatment rollercoaster ever again. Mostly because it fucking blows, but also because we’re still paying off this first one. And all of the factors as to why we might just have the one, is a perfect reminder of exactly how far we’ve come and how much it pains me to think about how there are so many of you out there who are still elbow deep in it.  Several of whom I am friends with IRL. I hope you don’t think I’ve forgotten. Because believe me, it never goes away. 


I guess I also just want to convey that on top of being grateful, I am actually very much enjoying this pregnancy. And now that the baby is more active, I'm starting to realize we'll actually have an infant to bring home in a few months. And the more I think about it, and the more I watch my tummy move from kicks and turns, the more in love I fall. It's breathtaking. 

Well my brother's wedding is done. It was beautiful and fun, and I've gained a fabulous new Sister-in-Law. You might remember I ordered a regular dress two sizes too big, because I was 10-12 weeks or so at the time. Then I got it and it was a tent. I think the alterations lady did the best she could, but it still kind of looked like a moo-moo. The bottom line is that it was just not meant to be a maternity dress. I loved the color, and it was definitely comfy, but flattering - not so much. 


And my most exciting update. I have a new Doctor! Or better yet, Midwife! She is part of a practice with three OB's, and one other Midwife. While she plans to be in town for Christmas, there is a small possibility I could end up with someone else in the practice on the big day. But anyway, she's FANTASTIC. My first appointment with her was two weeks ago, and when we first sat down they hadn't gotten my charts from my other OB yet. So we just talked. I told her all about my IF history, and every step of my pregnancy along the way. And  when I told her about wanting to pursue natural child birth, do you know what she said to me? "Wow, good for you. I can see how doing it naturally would be so healing after everything you've been through".. OMFG, SHE GETS IT. And I didn't even have to explain myself! She was so friendly, and so compassionate. And took the time to explain little things that are going on with the baby, that no one else ever has! She checked my fundal height - right on target! And showed me how to tell exactly how high my uterus is. And holy crap, get this: They have an office Dog. A sweet little female black lab, who wanders around looking for the next most comfortable place to sleep. Maybe hoping for a little love on the way there. SO COOL. I know that might sound strange, believe me, their office is in a large medical facility. Not some alley. Anyway, the rest of the staff seems really cool too. 


I go back again this afternoon because I'm so far along and because she didn't have my records, she wanted to see me again in two weeks so that we could review everything. I also had my Gestational Diabetes Test last Thursday, so I'll probably get the results then. I'm SO hoping that no news is good news and that they didn't bother to call me since I'm coming in. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. The stuff tasted like flat sprite with about a cup of sugar added to it. This coming from someone who rarely drinks soda. Drinking the stuff at least took the edge off being hungry, but at the same time gave me a bit of a sour stomach. All and all, not the worst experience...


Our first birthing class will actually be this weekend. It was supposed to be last week, but it's long story that I will fill you in on after the class. Sorry, I've been MIA... I've had so many posts in my head, but you know how it goes...


Update: Per request, here are some pics from the wedding. =)

Brian talking to the baby

Me and the Maid of Honor

See, it's not awful, just not flattering. I don't look pregnant, I look thick. Ahh well....

I Haven't Read The Baby Books

I don’t want this to come off the wrong way, but I’m saying it here to remind myself yet again. That I. Am Pregnant. It happens several times a day, whether it’s when I’m bending down to get something and my body reminds me that I’m not able to fold in half like I used to. Or I pass by a mirror or window and catch a glimpse of my exaggerated silhouette. But I keep forgetting that I’m pregnant. I giggle each time I remember and I’m constantly grateful, but it’s a little bizarre that at this point,  I still kind of forget that this is real. That I’m not making it up. That the soft kicks and rolls I feel are from the child growing inside of me. It’s kind of insane. 

In my dreams when I thought about this point in our lives coming, I imagined I would have read every book, been halfway through my Prenatal Yoga class, and had the nursery painted and ready for furnishing. 

In reality I haven’t finished or really even more than glanced at the books about pregnancy (that I bought so naively four years ago.)

None of the yoga classes I’ve looked into seem to fit my schedule, and I haven’t done much to make them for that matter.

And the nursery still looks like the cleanest room on an episode of “Hoa.rders”.  And is still peach. 

So for as much as I have been inadvertently dragging my feet, I’ve suddenly been given a swift kick into the “this is real, your days as just a couple are numbered and you haven’t done a damn thing to prepare for it you lazy whore”, reality. Sunday night Brian and I were getting ready to wind down for the evening, when I remembered the dvd I had ordered about Child Birth was still sitting in our living room. I checked with Brian to make sure he was game and popped the video in before snuggling up with my husband Snoogle. The moment it was over, I felt a fog of panic come over me. Not for the impending, contracting and dilating. But because it suddenly feels like we have SO MUCH to do. But the panic was short lived and I’ve found myself hardly being able to wait to get started. 

I signed us up for Birth classes, which deserves a post of its very own. And boy will that be a big one. Next week I’m going to look for a new OB, and/or Midwife. (Cue foreshadowy music) I already have my next appointment set up with my OB and the specialist for our 20 week u/s, so I’m just going to get through that and make appointments with the new options afterwards. Next on the list, tackle the bottomless pile of crap in what will be the nursery. (Cue Sanford and Son music)

And with almost ironic timing, ever since my epiphany that we're actually going to be parents this year (HOPEFULLY), the baby has started moving like CRAZY. Instead of just feeling the occasional flutter or tap here and there, I could feel it moving almost the entire day yesterday, and most of today so far. It is extraordinarily distracting and so, so fucking cool.