Zero To One Thousand Sixty

So like I was saying in my last post, it's reeeealy truly hit me that this is it. We have like 17 more days until our due date. SEVENTEEN DAYS!!! What the mother fuck??? 

I'm currently operating on three speeds: 

1. Drop dead exhausted

2. Wired like a meth head

3. Cranky bitch who wants to, but can't seem to get enough done. And no you can't help cause you won't do it right. (I believe the books poetically refer to this as "nesting", but I also currently believe the authors are morons.)

I'm going to blame that last speed on my current state of consistent sleep deprivation. Cause oh my hell does trying to sleep suck my ass. Being in bed is barely tolerable and then I have to get up to pee. And turning over in bed is harder than trying to like the Twilight movies. (I want so badly to love them as much as I did the books, but sweet Jesus does Kristen Stewart suck {ha ha} what little talent is in the cast to begin with out of those movies. Taylor Lautner is almost as bad but at least he serves as a little piece of eye candy.) What was I talking about? Sleep. Right. It sucketh mightily. But I fully understand that this is my body's way of preparing me to be up every two hours feeding and taking care of my sweet baby. In that case? I'M READY, YO.

Belly Wise all sorts of things are a happenin' in/on there. More stretch marks, yay. And cheese and crackers has Round Ligament pain come back with a vengeance. I guess that's because my uterus is the size of Nebraska, and it's getting harder for those little ligaments to haul all that weight around. 

 I'm fairly certain the kiddo is getting pretty cramped in there too. The last few days it feels like he/she has been doing squat-thrusts and lunges in an attempt to make more room in there. Which sounds adorable, and believe me I'm pretty sure I'll miss it some day, but right now it's getting to the point where it just plain hurts.

More than once I've mistaken my fingers for Vienna Sausages. My poor hands are getting so swollen that I have resorted to wearing this ghetto fabulous little number that I got from a Bachelorette party like a million years ago: 

I know it seems nuts, but the stones in the ring are so absurdly large that it makes my fingers seem not-so-corndog-like. Seriously by the afternoon, the lines around my knuckles are disturbingly smooth.

The girls. TMI warning - they haven't gotten any larger but something in them is a brewin'. I've been noticing little droplets of liquid from them since around 28 weeks, but it's getting more consistent now. And if I massage my breasts a little I can actually sort of make stuff come out. It looks like both colostrum and milk. Kinda crazy, kinda cool. 

In the five days we have made an obscene amount of progress in getting ready for baby. 

The furniture is finally in

Curtains are up

The baby's laundry is completely done, folded and put away 

Car seat is installed - though we still need to run it by a fire station to have it okay'd (for peace of mind)

Here is Brian being all ridiculously cute and daddy-like installing said car seat:

Bassinet is put together

Hospital Bag is 70% ready to go

- I know I should have had that done weeks ago, but read my last post if you're still not following. Ten percent of the missing items I need to shop for and the other twenty percent are last minute things we can't pack until it's actually time to go. 

And helping to make it all Super DUPER real: Friday is my last day of work!

So it's umm, well after midnight here and I am WIDE awake-asaurus- rex. 

Think I'll go mow the lawn or something! 

PEACE. 

Oh! I added two new pics to the Photo Gallery. One is a belly pic and the other is  a last minute u/s they ordered for a growth check on account of my MTHFR. Baby is measuring in the 43rd percentile. 

Enjoy!

November Already

Brian spent all of last weekend finishing the nursery. Primer, paint, install new crown molding, paint new molding and existing trim, repaint closet door. He was a very busy guy, but he got it all done and it looks fabulous. By that Sunday night we were able to move the crib, and all of the items we had received from the family shower into the room. When I picked up the first bag of consolidated goodies a little sting of a tear hit my eye. And by the third bag, it had turned into uncontrollable weeping. I cried because I couldn’t believe we were moving things in to the room that had caused me so much pain for so long, just by simply existing. I cried because we have a reason to move things into that room. I cried because I thought of all the deserving people who are still waiting to have a reason to fill their spare room. And I cried because I feel so fucking lucky that our time has almost come. Brian didn’t say a word, he just hugged me. He knew exactly why I was crying. 

The room is slowly coming together. I have been progressively taking pictures of each step, and am working on a slide show to post for when we have it mostly ready/done. I wanted to wait for this last shower before I started putting things together. We need to do an inventory of clothes and necessities to find out what else we still need, which I’m incredibly humbled to say, probably won’t be much. Everyone has been very generous. The other shower was this weekend, and holy crow do we feel spoiled. This was mostly just girlfriends, and it was really lovely, and easy and fun. 98% of the ladies had met or known each other before so, it just felt like a gathering and not a production. No games (again), just food, chatting, and gifts. All I could have wanted and more.

Pregnancy wise, things are going well. I have to say I think the third trimester is WAY harder than the first. I’m so much more tired and slow, and it seems like regular errands take me twice as long as they should. The Friday before Halloween I was picking up groceries and a few pumpkins, I was so tired that I actually asked a store bagging clerk for help out to my car... that was a reality check.  I always have big plans for the weekend to kick ass around the house, but I inevitably get a late start, (due to being in bed) and end up taking a nap or at least have to sit down for a bit more than a few times. And also lately we’ve just had so much going on. Showers for me (and to other friends) And just various other activities. But I’ve blocked out two weekends this month so we won’t have ANY plans. I just can’t do it all anymore! 

How far along? 34 Weeks, 3 days

How big is the baby? Enormous. Okay probably about only 5 - 5.5 pounds.

Weight gain? 34 lbs. and still six weeks to go. Part of me doesn’t really care how much I gain, the other part of me says my Post-partum self won't feel quite as unerstanding.

Maternity Clothes? Maternity clothes are fine, but if I had my way I would forgo wearing pants or a bra for the next 40+/- days.

Sleep? Sleep sort of blows. My hips and back are getting pretty sore. If I’m not up peeing, or walking off a hip cramp, I’m rearranging the eleven pillows that help keep me comfortable for 7-9 minutes at a time. The good news is that because one night I’ll sleep ridiculously awful, the next night I’m usually so exhausted that I’ll sleep semi decent.

Gender? Let you know next month {next. month. (!)}

Movement? Lots. Break dancing, Yoga and handstands are my guesses, because holy crap there is a ruckus going on in there, almost to the point of it being a little painful. It pinches. But it’s still super fun watching my belly move.

Food? Food is GREAT. I LOVE FOOD. I eat it. A LOT. I have a snack between breakfast and lunch and one between lunch and dinner. And occasionally a small bowl of cereal before bed. I’m trying to keep my snacks relatively healthy (fruit or yogurt), but I will say my sweet tooth is very much in full effect the rest of the day.

What I miss? Not a damn thing.

What I’m looking forward too? HAVING A BABY.

Milestones? Being 34 weeks, 3 days. Having been thrown two beautiful showers.

Symptoms? Heartburn, fatigue, muscle cramps, little bit of swelling in the hands (I can’t wear my wedding rings anymore). Oh and I think I’m starting to get the cliché “pregnancy brain”, though I hate that saying and would rather attribute it to my lack of sleep.  But yeah, I’m pretty foggy and forgetful. Not fun. Still wouldn't trade it for the world though. 

How Bizarre

We have baby stuff. 

In OUR house. 

And not just tucked away in one room, it’s like, spread out all over. The nursery is being painted, so everything was pulled out. The crib is in the office, along with the haul of gifts we received at my family shower this past weekend. Stuffed animals are on our dresser, because Parker thinks they are his, and would love nothing more than to massacre them in 6.4 seconds flat. Items to be returned to BRU are in the living room. Handmade gifts that will be returned so that a name can be embroidered on them are sitting on the kitchen table. Larger items like the car seat and bouncy chair and swing, are in the garage. So everywhere I look there is something for this baby growing inside of me. And it’s bizarre. 

The shower went remarkably well, I’d say. As much as I imagined that day to basically be my worst nightmare, my MIL’s friends did a very good job of orchestrating every detail so that the guests weren’t held hostage all day.


 Appetizers, Chatting, Lunch, Gifts, Cake, DONE. 


While it felt like several hours due to how much attention I was receiving, in actuality it ran about three. Pretty good for 37 women in one room.  We got a lot of wonderful gifts, and I am overwhelmed by everyone’s thoughtfulness and generosity. We had quite the car load to take home. And now we actually have enough clothing to do a full load of laundry! Up until Sunday I’d only had four onesies put aside. 

CAKE!

Me.

Our first Christmas outfit!

A super snuggly little one piece suit, perfect for winter.

A super soft blanket to remind me that we are having a baby. 




I hit the 32 week mark last weekend, and emotionally it gave me a little breathing room. I do realize that if our little one came today they would probably be in the NICU for several weeks, but just the knowledge that the survival rate is SO much higher at this point, brings me a bit of peace. And it's really truly finally starting to set in with me that we are actually going to have a baby. WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A BABY.


Pregnancy wise, things continue to go well. The bladder infection seems to have cleared up, and while I'm still up at least twice a night to pee, it's better than four times a night. Although the other downside to the antibiotics is that they gave me a yeast infection. I guess part of what they did is killed some of the other necessary bacteria in there, resulting in a YI. Boo. 


My belly is definitely getting A LOT bigger. I've started to bump into more things with it, as well as spilling on it. The baby is getting more and more active and stronger each day. Last night Brian and I were laying in bed watching TV when all of a sudden the baby started going ape. And because I was laying on my side, my belly was really soft so the kicks looked and felt even stonger. The look on Brian's face made me fall in love with him and the baby even more. It was just priceless. Then we watched my belly moving for a little while. It's indescribable each time I re-comprehend (I make up words) that there is a little person in there. 


I definitely feel like I'm slowing down. Which at 8 months, I suppose, should be the case... While I miss being able to kick ass, I am still loving every second of what makes me so tired and lazy. And I'm just so very grateful. 

Because I'm Grateful

I’m hoping with all I’ve got that I didn’t come across like a complete spoiled brat in my last post. The reality of it is that I like to write ranty posts. And in those posts I tend to blow things out of proportion. Not to say that we didn’t encounter the world’s biggest tool in the form of a BRS employee, or that I didn’t cry while filling out the application for our registry. Because I did. I cried because I couldn’t believe we were finally in the position to do this. For years that store had been a source of heartache and misery for me, and I couldn’t fathom the concept that we were sitting in it. Registering for products. For our baby. And please know that I completely understand that being overwhelmed by all of that is a great problem to have…

And also for reference, blowing things out of proportion; usually funnier. 

I’ve done a little more registering, all online. And we did register with Amaz.on, which is cool because you can register for products universally – like for things on Etsy. By the way is it EEEEtsee or Ehhhtsy? I also want to thank those of you who recommended the baby bargain book. Which reminds me I have to give a shout out to Shelby who personally recommended it to me MONTHS ago, and I forgot. Until I saw it in all of your comments… Go me. 

There’s been a shift in perception for me. I think part of it due to feeling the baby constantly move and kick – Brian has too! And also just from the simple act of counting each week, and how far along I’ve made it in this pregnancy. It’s mind blowing and I am so fricken thankful every day. While I’m of course overjoyed with the idea of meeting our baby, I’m starting to feel a little sad that this pregnancy is almost over. I have less than 13 weeks left. And this will probably be my last. Yes, we have one frozen embryo, but who is to say it will make it through the defrost, and then take. The other part is, I’m not sure I want to go through the treatment rollercoaster ever again. Mostly because it fucking blows, but also because we’re still paying off this first one. And all of the factors as to why we might just have the one, is a perfect reminder of exactly how far we’ve come and how much it pains me to think about how there are so many of you out there who are still elbow deep in it.  Several of whom I am friends with IRL. I hope you don’t think I’ve forgotten. Because believe me, it never goes away. 


I guess I also just want to convey that on top of being grateful, I am actually very much enjoying this pregnancy. And now that the baby is more active, I'm starting to realize we'll actually have an infant to bring home in a few months. And the more I think about it, and the more I watch my tummy move from kicks and turns, the more in love I fall. It's breathtaking. 

Well my brother's wedding is done. It was beautiful and fun, and I've gained a fabulous new Sister-in-Law. You might remember I ordered a regular dress two sizes too big, because I was 10-12 weeks or so at the time. Then I got it and it was a tent. I think the alterations lady did the best she could, but it still kind of looked like a moo-moo. The bottom line is that it was just not meant to be a maternity dress. I loved the color, and it was definitely comfy, but flattering - not so much. 


And my most exciting update. I have a new Doctor! Or better yet, Midwife! She is part of a practice with three OB's, and one other Midwife. While she plans to be in town for Christmas, there is a small possibility I could end up with someone else in the practice on the big day. But anyway, she's FANTASTIC. My first appointment with her was two weeks ago, and when we first sat down they hadn't gotten my charts from my other OB yet. So we just talked. I told her all about my IF history, and every step of my pregnancy along the way. And  when I told her about wanting to pursue natural child birth, do you know what she said to me? "Wow, good for you. I can see how doing it naturally would be so healing after everything you've been through".. OMFG, SHE GETS IT. And I didn't even have to explain myself! She was so friendly, and so compassionate. And took the time to explain little things that are going on with the baby, that no one else ever has! She checked my fundal height - right on target! And showed me how to tell exactly how high my uterus is. And holy crap, get this: They have an office Dog. A sweet little female black lab, who wanders around looking for the next most comfortable place to sleep. Maybe hoping for a little love on the way there. SO COOL. I know that might sound strange, believe me, their office is in a large medical facility. Not some alley. Anyway, the rest of the staff seems really cool too. 


I go back again this afternoon because I'm so far along and because she didn't have my records, she wanted to see me again in two weeks so that we could review everything. I also had my Gestational Diabetes Test last Thursday, so I'll probably get the results then. I'm SO hoping that no news is good news and that they didn't bother to call me since I'm coming in. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. The stuff tasted like flat sprite with about a cup of sugar added to it. This coming from someone who rarely drinks soda. Drinking the stuff at least took the edge off being hungry, but at the same time gave me a bit of a sour stomach. All and all, not the worst experience...


Our first birthing class will actually be this weekend. It was supposed to be last week, but it's long story that I will fill you in on after the class. Sorry, I've been MIA... I've had so many posts in my head, but you know how it goes...


Update: Per request, here are some pics from the wedding. =)

Brian talking to the baby

Me and the Maid of Honor

See, it's not awful, just not flattering. I don't look pregnant, I look thick. Ahh well....

Busy Bee

Gah, I hate that it’s been so long since I’ve updated. I’ve had so many posts I’ve started, and things I wanted to write here, but time has not been my friend. My brother is getting married in two weeks so I’ve been caught up in showers and bachelorette planning, yada yada. Oh, and you may remember I’m a bridesmaid. I ordered the dress when I was 10 weeks along, not having any idea of what my body would do. So I ordered it two sizes too big, assuming that I’d totally have double chins and cankles by now. I have rarely been so grateful to be wrong. I picked up my dress last week and it is a tent. The alterations lady did her best to reassure me that I did the right thing since I this is my first, and that she’ll make the dress look fabulous. I really hope she’s right. These pictures will be around for decades… 


So what’s next? My Blood pressure! It’s awesome yo! And let me tell you why. It has nothing to do with medication, I’m happy to say. Not long after my last post I met with a Doula who is also a licensed massage therapist - YAY. She spent FOUR hours at my house. On a Thursday night! She was so fantastic and informative, and supportive and warm. I love her to PIECES. I mentioned the issues with my blood pressure and my new low sodium regimen. This is when the “NEED TO FIND ALTERNATIVE PRENATAL CARE- STAT” alarm really kicked in. She told me about the Brewer diet during pregnancy, and how keeping a high about of protein in my diet can pretty much eliminate any issues with High BP. So I have tripled the amount I was getting, which wasn’t much since I was having a pretty severe aversion to meat. But I’ve been able to start supplementing with Whey protein powder and dairy. I make a shake every morning and it’s making a HUGE difference! I don’t have to watch my sodium intake as closely, which is great – though I’m still very aware of it.  If you’re interested, here’s the recipe I made up: 


8oz organic OJ
2 cups frozen organic Strawberries
1 cup 2% Greek Yogurt
1 Organic banana
2 Scoops of Vanilla flavored Whey Protein Powder 


Each scoop of protein powder has about 16 grams of protein, the yogurt has about 24, strawberries have 2. So by 10 am, I’ve already consumed close to 60 grams of protein! Now the recipe I gave you there makes over 32 oz. So I usually finish it in about a two hour period because it’s pretty filling. So after that, I get my protein where I can. Usually ending up between 80 – 100 grams per day. And my blood pressure is fucking flawless now. What infuriates me is that my doctor just wanted to throw pills at me – barely giving me the opportunity to do the work myself! Yes, I’m still talking about the OB I haven’t really ever liked… Speaking of which. During the four hours I spent chatting with the doula, (two of which were in the midst of a prenatal massage, yay!) I told her about my OB situation and asked her if she was able to recommend any local OB’s or Midwives. The ironic part is that she listed my current OB as someone she’d recommend for the type of care I’m interested in. Which is when I reiterated how perfect he is on paper, but personality wise it just wasn’t there. She then told me that if I wasn’t 100% comfortable with any practitioner that I should move on. She believes that communication and trust should be completely open and fluid during labor. And anything but can break down the fundamentals of what allows your body do what it needs to do. She presented it on a spiritual level, then backed it up with a scientific explanation of how certain emotions trigger specific hormones that can hinder the production of the natural form of Pitocin, therefore prolonging/delaying labor. I can’t remember the actual break down, can I use being naked on a massage table in my living room as an excuse? Regardless, her approach? ME LIKEY.


Sooooo. I have an appointment with a new office on Wednesday. The practice has three OB’s and two midwives. I’ll be seeing a midwife first, and I am so fricken excited. The other cool thing that my doula pointed out is that the newly built hospital we’re planning to deliver in has six suites with laboring bathtubs. While I can’t really reserve one now, she pointed out that most first time Mom’s go eight days past their due dates, which puts me in there on Christmas Day, and followed up by saying in addition statistically patient occupancy is much lower during the holidays, especially Christmas. So I may have a better chance. Of course that could be total BS. Who knows? In actual baby news, there has been a dramatic increase in activity from the kiddo. Especially in just the last week or so. Which is mostly awesome, the only non-awesome part is not bad - it's just weird. Cause the baby, well it's been turned in, like facing my back, and umm. Kicking my rectum. It's the most bizarre sensation I have every felt. And on that note! Happy Tuesday Morning!

I Haven't Read The Baby Books

I don’t want this to come off the wrong way, but I’m saying it here to remind myself yet again. That I. Am Pregnant. It happens several times a day, whether it’s when I’m bending down to get something and my body reminds me that I’m not able to fold in half like I used to. Or I pass by a mirror or window and catch a glimpse of my exaggerated silhouette. But I keep forgetting that I’m pregnant. I giggle each time I remember and I’m constantly grateful, but it’s a little bizarre that at this point,  I still kind of forget that this is real. That I’m not making it up. That the soft kicks and rolls I feel are from the child growing inside of me. It’s kind of insane. 

In my dreams when I thought about this point in our lives coming, I imagined I would have read every book, been halfway through my Prenatal Yoga class, and had the nursery painted and ready for furnishing. 

In reality I haven’t finished or really even more than glanced at the books about pregnancy (that I bought so naively four years ago.)

None of the yoga classes I’ve looked into seem to fit my schedule, and I haven’t done much to make them for that matter.

And the nursery still looks like the cleanest room on an episode of “Hoa.rders”.  And is still peach. 

So for as much as I have been inadvertently dragging my feet, I’ve suddenly been given a swift kick into the “this is real, your days as just a couple are numbered and you haven’t done a damn thing to prepare for it you lazy whore”, reality. Sunday night Brian and I were getting ready to wind down for the evening, when I remembered the dvd I had ordered about Child Birth was still sitting in our living room. I checked with Brian to make sure he was game and popped the video in before snuggling up with my husband Snoogle. The moment it was over, I felt a fog of panic come over me. Not for the impending, contracting and dilating. But because it suddenly feels like we have SO MUCH to do. But the panic was short lived and I’ve found myself hardly being able to wait to get started. 

I signed us up for Birth classes, which deserves a post of its very own. And boy will that be a big one. Next week I’m going to look for a new OB, and/or Midwife. (Cue foreshadowy music) I already have my next appointment set up with my OB and the specialist for our 20 week u/s, so I’m just going to get through that and make appointments with the new options afterwards. Next on the list, tackle the bottomless pile of crap in what will be the nursery. (Cue Sanford and Son music)

And with almost ironic timing, ever since my epiphany that we're actually going to be parents this year (HOPEFULLY), the baby has started moving like CRAZY. Instead of just feeling the occasional flutter or tap here and there, I could feel it moving almost the entire day yesterday, and most of today so far. It is extraordinarily distracting and so, so fucking cool. 

Holy Crap, She's A Lazy Whore

Oh wait, I’m talking about me.  Sorry it’s been like, a millennia since I updated. While rereading through my last couple of posts I realized I’ve left quite a few things open ended. So here are a few bullet points to ease your back into your seats.

• Progesterone – I was finally able to stop my suppositories. 13w6d as my last round. I had my P4 checked four days later and my level was 19, up from 17. So no more weekly blood tests!
• Immunology – I had another NK Assay follow up, they checked my TH1 and TH2 as well. Bad news on this front, all of my levels spiked even higher after my last infusion, so I had to go back for two more weekly infusions. This kid is definitely going to Junior College. And wearing mine or Brian’s hand me downs.
• NT Scan -  I decided not to go in for the test after all. I just really didn’t like the idea of a Ratio Diagnosis. Or that fact that a false diagnosis would lead to (potentially unnecessary) invasive testing. No judgment for those who go, it just wasn’t for me.
• Commenting – I signed up for Goog.le Ch.rome, and for the most part it’s working. Although randomly now Safari is giving me trouble. WTF blogger?

As for my overall well being I am, despite the crappy NK news, feeling much more confident and comfortable with myself and this pregnancy. I think making myself talk more about the pregnancy and acknowledging here just how much I was really struggling with it all has helped me feel less like I was an impostor. Or that talking about it will make something bad happen to the baby – having had the Doppler handy hasn’t hurt things either. One other really cool thing? I’ve started feeling movement – so bananas. Last Sunday afternoon (15w1d) I was waking up from a nap *(see post title above) when I felt what I can only describe as a cross between a tapping and bubbles popping, distinctly on my right side… It happened again a few minutes later. It was a very unique feeling, but it still took me about a day before I acknowledged it, or even mentioned it to anyone. I did some reading on it, checked in with some ladies on forum (cause that’s what IF bloggers do) and sure enough, they confirmed what I’d thought (knew) I’d felt. It’s not terribly consistent, which is kind of a bummer. And it's so subtle that half the time I don’t even realize it’s happening until it’s over. 


Food is still a bit of a battle. Still can’t do the spicy stuff, though I am able to do desserts again. Not sure that’s really a good thing. Meat. A little over a week ago, meat all of a sudden became an issue. Particularly when I had to prepare it. It didn’t make me yak or anything, I just suddenly found it profoundly vile. But then last night I was shopping at Costco and picked up a Rotisserie Chicken on a whim. Thirty minutes later I found myself talking dirty to it and eating it out of the pan on my kitchen counter… That said, I’ve eaten nothing but fruits, veggies, and carbs today. 


I’m getting closer to not being able to wear any of my regular clothes. Shopping at Maternity stores has certainly made me branch out with my style choices. More patterns and colors than I used to wear, as well as having bought a few skirts. I’m a fan of black, and earth tones, but evidently maternity stores think jewel tones and floral patterns are more appropriate. I suppose that has to do with it being summer and what not as well. 


So that’s it for now, I should try to at least make it look like I don’t agree with my title and get some house work done. I’ll check back in soon, folks!