Son of biiiiiiitch. I got the dreaded email every infertile hates to get, this morning. A good friend of mine and his wife are pregnant. They are aware of our situation. And even though I figured I'd hear this news any day now it still knocked the breath out of me. I'm trying to pull my shit together and not cry in my office. I am completely deflated.
I have to give them some major Infertile points though they handled it really well. My friend told me, before his own sisters, or any of our friends that way we wouldn't be the last to know. I'm really grateful for that. Here is a small blurb:
"So, I have some killer news that I wanted to share, but have been struggling on just how to share it.
And with that, here we go...
#$%^&* and I are preggers. Today is "officially" (I think) the 12-week mark. I wanted you guys to be some of the first people we told, but I also knew that it might be the hardest situation to handle. So, hopefully you understand why I went this route. I wanted to let you know as personally as I could without putting you in a position for a forced response.
I know you and Brian are having a tough time, and #$%%^&* and I really, really want you to know how much we are there for you."
This letter still makes me want to jump off a bridge, but I really respect the fact that they came to us first. We recently had some friends whom, we thought we were close with; wait until they were 20 weeks to tell us. They had avoided us and lied to us about it during the 8 weeks when everyone else likely knew. Probably just to spare themselves some awkwardness.
Fuck. I am shaking right now. I think I will have to wait until tomorrow to respond to them. So as to avoid crying at work and all. It sucks because my first reaction was like: "How could he send me that first thing this morning?! Doesn't he have a clue that sending it to me over the weekend would be better???!!!" But the truth is, it would never be a good time. Even when I knew it was coming.
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.
If you have a second, I could use an Internet hug or FIVE MILLION. Thanks.
23 comments:
Oh Melissa,
(HUG)(HUG)(HUG)(HUG)(HUG)(HUG)(HUG)- when those run out let me know, and I'll replenish. I'll try my hardest to get to 5 million. The blindsided announcements suck the most. I'm so sorry that this happened to you today- I'm sorry that he couldn't wait til this afternoon, and I'm just plain sorry that you have fertile friends. (DAMN THEM). Hang in there love. It won't hurt as bad once the blindside wears off. Don't let it ruin your weekend, because in less than a month you will be able to share PG news with them.
Melissa:
I am so sorry you are feeling down. I do hope this is the "darkest before the dawn" moment for you. You do have such possibilities coming up and I am cheering you and your DH on to success.
If it is any help at all -- one thought about others pregnancies that helped me was to remember that there wasn't some limit to the number of people who could get pregnant -- that their success really had no bearing on my chances. Yes, I did feel disappointment that it wasn't me making the announcement and envy, too -- but it wasn't reducing my chances of success. Maybe think of it as playmates for your future child? :)
Good luck with your upcoming DIUI.
Sincerely,
MichelleL
Ah shit. You are right, it's never a good time. And it's hard to take someone else's good news when you want the news to be yours! Thinking of you today! *HUGS*
((BIG HUG)) x 5 million
I am so sorry. It makes me literally sick to my stomach when I hear other people's pregnancy news.
I have to admit though, we have not received the "kind" announcement yet. We have gotten multiple ones where people think the best thing is just NOT to tell us, and we get the ones where they say they just forgot to take BCPs ONE DAY and got pregnant.
No matter how it is told though it still SUCKS. Again, I am so sorry. If you need anything let me know!
Tina
As thoughtful and sensitive as your friend was, there really is never a good way to deliver that news to an infertile person. And I'm sorry you've had to hear so much of it lately. ((HUGS x 5 mill)) Love you girlie!
I have to agree - there's no good way to get that kind of news. My sister went the email route, as well. I appreciated that I had some time to get a handle on my feelings, and that I didn't have to respond right then and there - but I opened it at work, too. I was such a mess that my coworkers sent me home.
Situations like this just suck. Sending millions of (((hugs))) your way...
I know there is never a "good way" to hear that another person you know is preggo...but you can tell that your friend was as considerate as possible and really was taking your feelings into consideration!
I recently learned that my cousin is pregnant from an overheard phone conversation. Apparantely everyone knew except me - nice.
Oh, I'm so sorry! I do know how that feels. I had to avoid some people for awhile, till I decided that I wasn't angry at them for being pregnant, just angry at the situation that I could do nothing about. And I know that's what you're thinking. Good luck!
I'm so sorry. It's always hard to hear that yet again one more person you know is pregnant and you're still not. Hang in there and try to enjoy your weekend. ((HUGS))
I'm so so so sorry. Five million hugs. Seriously.
I'm glad your friends were so sensitive about the way they told you. Wishing you grace and strength as her belly expands... and that your own will not be far behind...
((Five more million hugs))
Big hugs your way. It's great that your friends thought of you first, but I totally understand that it doesn't make the hurt any less!
Hugs!!!!
Sending lots of (((hugs))) your way!
~ICLW
Fist off, ((((GIANT BEAR HUG))))
Ugh. Boy, do I know your pain. It is so hard to watch others around you moving forward with something you thought to be so basic of a right. It is frustrating, disappointing, and just plain poop.
I'm sorry. And (((((more hugs)))))
That just sucks. Sending very many hugs your way.
Your friends seem like wonderful people, though, to be so thoughful about delivering the news. Here's hoping you have your own news to share, and soon.
Oh, and thanks for the sweet comment on my blog. I really do appreciate the support.
Big Hugs. It never gets any easier, does it?
It seems like everyone in the world is pregnant right now. And anyone who isn't, will soon be telling us that they are. Hang in there.
(Hugs) That sucks! I've had one friend not say a word to me but I'm friends with her husband on facebook and people of been congratulating him. I guess they are avoiding me. I've decided thru the years that it doesn't matter how I find out. Sadly the news is going to hurt either way.
(Hugs)
ICLW
Big hugs Melissa!!! I totally know what you are feeling. Been there--in even worse situations like being told in a group, and everyone looking right at YOU. Just remember, you will beat this infertility thing. If you want to be a mom, it will happen, in one way or another. Good luck and more hugs to ya!
((BIG HUGS))
Sucks that was sprung on you in the a.m., but gotta give them props for trying to be compassionate about it.
*iclw*
(((((BIG HUGS))))) Those emails never get easier. I'm so sorry you had to read that on a monday morning and at work. I'm glad that he had the decency to 1) tell you and 2) be somewhat sensitive about it, however no matter how he put it, it is going to hurt. It always does. And as Katie said, in less than a month I bet you'll have your own "killer news" to share! (HUGS AGAIN)
HUGE hugs!!! I am so sorry that you got this news. Although, it does sound like they must be VERY good friends, to have been so kind about how they handled it. Hopefully, you will get to send them a similar email some time in the very near future. And until then, this community is here for you.
Man, that stinks! And that word -- preggers... I HATE that word!
I'm sending a late hug. I apologize, because for some reason I didn't have you in my reader...though I know I've been reading you..so I don't know what happened (but I especially keep up with my MFI girls)--and wouldn't want to miss an opportunity to commiserate over a pregnancy announcement. My own sister NEVER told me about her last pregnanacy..seriously. She had my MOM do it! Chickenshit.
I figured since she never told me I didn't have to go to the hospital when he was born.
Not a good relationship I know.
Anyway. So sorry I'm late, and your now in my reader right where you should be.
That is tough news to handle. It always hits me like a Mack truck. {{{{hugs}}}}}
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