Blehhhhhhhh.
I got the writers block, yo.
I think part of it is because I've been a little overwhelmed with having gone zero to sixty in such a short period of time. Which lead to me spending recent days reflecting on the last year or so of my life. And cripes has it been a doozy. Especially when I think about where I was this time last year. (Cuckoo cuckoo cahchoo, man.)
Seriously, my chest feels heavy just thinking about it.
So I'm sorry for not posting much here, or being super great about commenting. I guess reading some blogs here, no matter what stage you're in - has been overwhelming in a different way - and that way, is part of what Brian calls "you'll never win, so don't even try". Those of you in the early stages reminds me of when I was there and the fact that I'm not any further along. Those of you who are parents already - for obvious reasons. Those of you cycling; well this one is tricky because I'm jealous and I want to be at the end of a cycle already, and at the same time aloof, because damn, I'm beginning to worry that I'm not strong enough to do this. And I kind of wish it was September again - before baseline ultrasounds, crappy test results, and specifics on financials for IVF came in.
Gah.
I'm not even there yet and I'm feeling a bit disheartened. Le sigh.
12 comments:
You have every right to feel overwhelmed and take a step back until you start your cycle.
If you were running into the IVF with heels clicking I would be seriously worried. of course you are stressed and you have every right to since all the news you have been given BUT it going to be OK. Its absolutely friggen fantastic that you have your diagnoses up front and you will be in great hands. Just one day at a time...
xxx
Take your time. All the IVF stuff can suck the life out of you...if you let it. Focus on the positives and try to keep smiling!!!
(((HUGS)))
I know. I tried to feel excited about my IVF cycle when it started, but I pretty much became a big ball of anxiety the moment it started. It's tough, and I you said you wonder if you are strong enough....but are any of us strong enough? I'm not, it's just a matter of trying to put one foot in front of the other, and wanting something so bad it's worth it (I think - ha!).
It's ok to avoid the blogs, not post, and do whatever you need to do to stay sane as you are re-entering all this madness. We totally get it.
Give up now on the comparisons with other bloggers! Easier said than done, I know. But seriously, I don't think anyone is strong enough to go through any of what infertility brings. But we do. And we come out the other side. So analyzing whether you're strong enough or not simply isn't helpful.
Also, I would bet a lot of money that you actually are a much stronger person now than when you started down the IF journey.
We're here when you need us, and we all go through the times we avoid the boards/blogs and the times we rely on them. But I'm still super stoked for you and this cycle :)
Going zero to sixty would have anyone overwhelmed. During my 1st IVF, I tried to pamper myself as much as possible, and I hope you can take time to do things you and Brian like to do...or just things for you. Even little stuff like taking a short walk outside during your lunch break kinda stuff.
I know one thing for certain. You are absolutely strong enough to do this. Absolutely. Okay, I am gonna say something totally non-PC (and part of this is why I have a private blog so I can't get any backlash or angry folks who come hunt me down)...you know I've met a ton of women in IF treatment. And, well, if some of THEM can do this, then YOU ab-so-freakin'-lutely can. I promise.
You are strong and will find your way through it all...one day at a time.
Lots of great words of encouragement here and shows how much support you have behind you. It sounds like you are feeling overwhelmed and sad. Remember you have had a lot of new information to process that you were not expecting in a short amount of time. You are strong and you are on better emotional grounding this time around. Take it one day at a time and try to focus on something positive. It all adds up.
Your hubs comment sums it up for me...my hubs always asks why I'm still reading TTC blogs when we're done. I guess I just can't quite quit...
Wishing you a speedy journey with IVF!
You do what you need to do. We've all been there at one point or another.
Hey there Melissa! I feel your pain (even though I'm in a very different place now). It's hard to keep going...It's hard to relate to anyone even though we IFers can relate a zillion times better than "normal" people, your experience is still unique. It's normal to feel uninspired and out of place. I don't have any recipe to make it better but as my therapist used to tell me, "things will change", and you will be in a different place. Thinking of you and sending you lots of strength.
This whole process is ridiculously hard to deal with and no surprise you are a little overwhelemed by it all. At various points I have been where you seem to be now, you need to not worry about whether you are reading or commenting on our blogs, but spend more time nurturing yourself through this process. We will be here when you need us!
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