One Month

Dearest Leah,


Okay, so I'm like a week late posting this. In my defense I had written most of it on time, but needed to wrap it up. I was however, quite busy taking care of you. Alright no more excuses! Hey, this is my first letter to you since you've been on the outside of me!  Thanks for joining us by the way. (I wrote several that I didn't post) The last few weeks have been a complete whirlwind. I'm happy to say there have only been a handful of times where I've lost my shit because of your crying. And only because I couldn't fix whatever the hell it was that made you screech like a pterodactyl. And I hate that. It makes my heart hurt. I can't do anything else when you're crying, all I want is to fix it. Literally, I was in the loo while your Dad was holding you and I couldn't pee because you were crying. He was doing his best to calm you down, and he did eventually, but until you were quiet, I just sat there paralyzed.


I am loving every day with you. As exhausted as I am when your daddy hands you to me first thing in the morning before he leaves for the day, I can't help but smile. You're typically either half asleep or screaming for breakfast. Either way, I'm so grateful to finally have you in my arms again. I miss you even when I'm sleeping, and as much as I love the longer stretches of sleep for all of us, it some how seems too long since the last time I saw your squishy little face.


We started you on a pacifier about a week ago. And even though you take a little time to remember how to use it, it's nice to have that cork little piece of plastic to please you. We also started you on a bottle. I'm working on pumping regularly so that your dad can feed you more often. I think it's nice for you to have that time together. And for me to have my hands free for a few minutes.


One of my favorite things to do with you is let you sleep on my chest. And the only thing I like more than that, is watching you sleep on your Dad's chest. I try to get at least four or five naps with you each week like that. I can't explain how wonderful that makes me feel.


Sometimes when you're napping next to me or in my arms, you smile and laugh in your sleep. It's SO UNBELIEVABLY ADORABLE, I can't stand it. You've smiled a few times while you're awake, but it doesn't appear to be a reaction to anything, more like a reflex. So I can't wait until I'm able to make you smile regularly. It makes me exctied about all the laughs we have ahead.


Speaking of sleep. You wake up to feed about every three to four hours. There have been a few times that you sleep a WHOLE six hours straight. Which in theory seems awesome, but I wake up in anticipation of you waking up and then lay there while I think to myself, "she'll wake up any second now..." And then I lose sleep checking your bassinet every four and a half minutes for an hour. Super.


At your last pediatrician appointment you measured 22 inches, and weighed 8lbs, 15oz. And no matter how long my list is of things that I'm terrified are "wrong" with you, the Doctor says you are just perfect. 


And I couldn't agree more.


Can't wait to see what the next month brings...


Love, 
momma