Four Months

Dearest Leah,


I’ve been back to work for a month now, and I think I’m slowly getting the hang of it. I’m sure you’d be naked or wearing one of your dad’s shirts as a diaper if I had to start back fulltime. I do not know how other Mommies do it. The first day without you was pretty rough, I cried all the way to work and broke the sound barrier driving back home to see you at the end of that day. But we’re figuring it out, and so far I haven’t screwed up anything at home or work too badly. But I still would MUCH rather be home with you every single minute of every single day.

You have started laughing, and I am able to get a pretty good giggle out of you with the help of a big squishy bumblebee toy. While it’s hilarious to see you laugh, it also makes me cry. I’m a big sap and really, I wasn’t ever sure that I’d see this day or hear your laughter. It makes me look forward to when you’re old enough to watch bad TV with me and cry over complete strangers. 

You rolled over about ten days ago. I was so anxious that it would happen on a day that I was at work, then last Friday we came home from running errands I set you down on the blanket in the living room while I checked to see which episode of friends was on next. (The One with the Embryos) (How fitting for my blog post here!) This is the one when Phoebe is her brothers Gestational Carrier, and Chandler and Joey play Monica and Rachel at Who knows Whom better. “ I AM SO GOOD AT LIGHTENING ROUNDS!” Anyway, so I turn around and you’re on your belly, just looking around and living life as though your mother isn’t a careless failure who chose TV over your first big physical feat. Can I at least call on the 47 minutes of useless video taken of you NOT rolling over? You were SO close though…

Sleep. The day finally came that it seemed you were just too big for your bassinet. In addition, I was afraid that your dads and my tossing and turning at night was keeping you up. I wish I could do the co-sleeping thing, but as much as I love having your squishy little face next to me,  I just don’t sleep well enough when you’re in the bed. I moved you out slowly over about ten days. I put you to bed in your crib at 8, then when you’d get up for your first feeding between 11-1, I’d put you back down in the bassinet. But just a few days ago I let you sleep in your crib all night long. I wish I could say that even though I missed you, I slept more soundly with you in your own room, but I spent most of the night staring at the video monitor making sure you were okay. And since you now wake up without fail at ten minutes to 5am, we have a little routine set of me nursing you in bed and then we both fall back to sleep until LIVE! With Kelli comes on or it’s time to get up.

At your four month appointment your Pediatrician was impressed with how well you can hold your head up, and how long your tiny fingers are.  You now weigh 12 pounds, 4.5 ounces and measure 25 ½ inches long. We love your doctor too by the way. When he came in to the exam room he greeted you first then asked “How are you guys doing? Starting to feel more comfortable being Mom & Dad? Starting to notice some of the stupid crap other people do with their kids, yet?”  But really he has a very gentle manner, listens to my ridonkulous list of questions patiently, and gives reassuring, yet no nonsense answers. You got another round of shots, which made you scream and me cry (I know), but then you slept like A ROCK. Which means momma did too!

It seems like every day you are turning more and more into a little person. And you’re finally out of that cranky stage, except for about 30 minutes before bed time. But even those difficult days were amazing, the new baby/new mom high is definitely still in full effect, I'm just like, stoopid happy. All the time. Just getting to know you feels like the biggest gift and every new day with you is my favorite. I can’t wait to see what the next month brings.

Love,

Momma