I feel the need to clarify my intentions and a few things about my last post.
Apparently I came off like a controlling ogre who doesn't wanna share.
I have an amazing relationship with my grandparents, and fantastic memories of holidays with them. And I want more than anything for Leah to have that. Particularly with Brian's parents because I doubt she'll be getting it from my side.
This isn't about cutting Brian's parents out of Leah's life. This is about reigning in a Mother-in-law who clearly sees raising her two sons as the best time of her life, and is ready for round three. And probably day dreams regularly about taking full custody of Leah. (I'm only half kidding)
But it's all out of love and I know that.
But it's all out of love and I know that.
My in-laws live three blocks away. They are and will continue to be a HUGE part of ours and Leah's life. And not just because of proximity and the fact that they are my husbands parents, but because I love them and genuinely care for them and want them in my life. But I feel the need to set some boundaries so that my Mother-in-law understands this is her time to OBSERVE and NOT DO. She gets to be a part of and witness this beautiful little girl growing up, this isn't a do-over for her. Grandparents - not Parents
I hope that make sense.
And if it doesn't, this is my blog and you can suck it. :D
(And one more thing to help make my point of view clear. If you have ever watched Bethanny Ever After, and seen the dynamics between her and Jason's family, you'd understand more of where I am coming from. Brian had the nuclear family and I had, well, kind of a mess...)
(And one more thing to help make my point of view clear. If you have ever watched Bethanny Ever After, and seen the dynamics between her and Jason's family, you'd understand more of where I am coming from. Brian had the nuclear family and I had, well, kind of a mess...)
4 comments:
I know what you mean. I love my MIL (who also raised two sons and now has her first g-daughter), but sometimes I have to be assertive to prevent her from raising Baby Loquacious her way. She means well but she operates from an experience base that is over 30 years old and not my style. Case in point: feeding my baby. I do it on demand based on her cues and my experience. My MIL wanted to keep playing with her just bc she was smiling and cooing between sucks on her fist and still looked happy. Hubbs had to get involved just to get my kid fed before she became a wailing mess (baby is one of those feed-me-now types).
As for traditions, however, I guess it depends in how you value them. My Hubbs and I don't plan to teach our kid about fictional Easter bunnies and Santa Claus so the first basket or stocking doesn't mean that much to us. If the in-laws want to do these (and they will), we don't mind but we will tell our child the truth about the origins of these gifts (quite possibly raining on their parade but whatever). Our traditions will revolve more around experiences that we intentionally build into her life, and studies show that the memories kids most retain and cherish are experiential ones and not material gifts.
Best of luck reining your MIL in! It's a lifelong endeavor ;)
My approach is different from yours--I am happy to let my MIL participate in her grandsons' lives in whatever way she wishes, including doing things which you've indicated here would offend/hurt you--but I completely respect your right to set appropriate boundaries with your MIL. (I am also fortunate in that my husband and his parents have a very respectful adult relationship with healthy boundaries, so that may be a different dynamic than the one you are living with.)
I have no doubt you will be able to successfully navigate the boundaries of your (new) relationship with your MIL and wish you the best of luck in doing so. :-)
I totally get where you are coming from. I think it's important to set boundaries with the grandparents, even if it's to say, "Hey, please ask me before buying/doing things for the baby so we can make sure we're on the same page."
My favorite memory of my grandma was her giving me a bath as a three year old. Afterwards, she would wrap me in the biggest towel imaginable, throw me on the bed (I loved the bounce!) and powder my tuckus (bottom). I would then dress up in her fancy clothes and high heals and fake pearls and march around her house. I loved it.
Those are the memories that count. Knowing there wasn't anyone else on the planet who loved me more than my grandma gave me so much at that age when the rest of my life was pure chaos.
I think you just have to do what makes you feel comfortable. You are way more assertive than I am--I'm one of those 'not make waves' kind of person but also my mom and MIL haven't done anything yet to truly annoy me :)
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