Gah, I know it’s been a millennia since I updated here. Sorry about that, I’ve just been uber busy with my last few weeks before work started and now that I am back at work, I have even less time. So this post will consist of me yammering on about me. Although I guess that’s sort of what a personal blog is. But whatever. You’ve been warned.
Fat. Whether or not I lose the baby weight quickly is all on me. And so far I have to say; I don’t really care. I thought I would. But I don’t. Not yet anyway. I know I will hit a point where I am ready to shed the last remaining 15lbs that seem to be all in my belly. I don’t eat crap, because Leah can’t tolerate it. I was never really a fast food person, but the one time I did indulge it made her super gassy. No fun for baby = no fun for mama. I have also recently cut dairy out of my diet in order to determine if Leah has a milk protein allergy. If you’re not familiar, babies with milk protein allergies are not able to easily digest the protein in cow, sheep or goats milk that is consumed by its mother and passed on through breast milk. Symptoms can be:
Gassiness
Fussiness,
Skin irritations like eczema
Respiratory difficulty like wheezing, coughing or congestion
Diarrhea (or excessive bowel movements),
Vomiting (more than just spitting up)
Low weight gain.
Leah seems to have the eczema, and the gassiness, which seems to lead to the fussiness. So I’m about two weeks in to a diary free diet, I’ll go up to Thursday then have a glass of milk Friday morning and see if she has any reactions. I gotta say I miss my cheeses, but I might just ahve to get used to that. Breastfeeding is just too important to me.
Walking is tough since its been pretty cold and windy in my parts so I wouldn't be able to take Leah with me. But I know we only have a few more weeks of crappy weather left. And even though I still have a stationary bike in my garage and my Jillian Michaels torture DVD, I umm, don’t really care. My weight has always yo-yo’d and I’m comfortable enough at this point. Plus I like what my midwife said, it took you nine months to get that way, give yourself at least nine months to get back.
Whatelse…Oh, I’m going bald. My hair seems to be falling out like Ron Paul supporters. I’ve heard it’s normal post pregnancy, but good lawd. I am cleaning out my hairbrush and shower drain on a daily basis. It’s starting to get a little scary. And gross.
Work. Originally I was going to come back to work full time, but in January decided I would do part time. Fortunately my company was on board with this. The deal for bringing Leah to work was this: Full time = bringing her to work every day until it gets to be too difficult (she’s crawling all over or just requiring too much of my time). Part time= bringing her in on just one of the three days that I work. The other two she is with my MIL at our house. The reason I can’t bring her every day as a part timer is because you don’t get much done when your baby is with you in the office, so in order to be somewhat useful I can only bring her one day. I realize that this is a unique situation and that I’m EXTREMELY lucky enough to have this option at all. Ultimately this is an ideal situation. I work 24 hours a week, I’m with her five days out of seven, and I get to keep my Full time Benefits. I should be happy with it. But I’m not. The truth is I HATE being away from her. And she HATES being away from me. Every time I call to check in my MIL tells me she is or has recently been crying. My MIL is quite capable, but Leah cries for most of the day while I’m not there. I do feel that it is important for Leah to have people she can be comfortable with, other than Brian and I. But not now. She’s so little. And her missing me is on a primal level. She NEEDS me. Her instincts are to be with her mother. It kills me thinking that she is so upset and that me being there would fix it. And that her distress is totally unnecessary. And damnit it just feels like we worked so hard for this. I can’t imagine missing a second of time with her.
And now I’m crying.
I know in time Leah will get to know my MIL and be fine. And I do look forward to that. Actually I hope that day comes very soon. I just feel so overwhelmed by my need to be with her, and make sure she is okay that I ache when I can’t be there. We actually took a very serious look at me quitting my job fairly soon, but Health Insurance policies are so fucking expensive. And between the cost of the policy and the payments we are still making to my credit card from IVF debt, we just can’t swing it yet. So the plan is for the immediate future, to live like I am not bringing home a paycheck and put as much as we can in the bank and towards my credit card to get it paid off. I fucking hate having credit card debt. We managed to have no debt other than our house for so long, but infertility (and a dead car) squashed that. Could be six months, could be a year... Who knows.
So with living on one income brings tremendous changes to the way we do things. Like, Cable. I’m cutting our cable bill in half by switching to a new company with a great New Customer Promotion (Cable companies cater new customers rather than rewarding longevity, bastards) We will be going from 400+ channels down to 33. I have to say I am going to miss the Bravo Channel like I would miss a kidney, but we gotta do it. Annnd it’s probably not going to hurt for me to watch a little less TV anyway. Groceries – I’m going to have to cut back on the organic products I prefer to buy to save a few bucks here and there. I’m going to check out the local Farmers markets to compare pricing on organic produce in hopes that we won’t have to go completely without. And I’ll be making a lot more items from scratch. Which I’m looking forward to and don’t mind one bit! We’ve already cut back on eating out, making the occasional pick up from a local taqueria our one treat. I’ve also started grocery shopping at Costco with a girlfriend. I never used to buy perishables from Bulk stores because we either couldn’t finish it before it went bad or didn’t have the room to freeze it. But now, my girlfriend and I are splitting a lot of things which is cheaper and neither of us has to worry about not eating it in time or where we’re going to put the left overs. Diapers - my bff was exteremly generous to give me a cloth diaper starter kit. But I've been working on getting through some disposables that we were given. After that, no more excuses. Gotta get those going!
So what have I learned from our new financial stragedy? Being lazy costs money. So I need to get my ass in gear!
PEACE.
5 comments:
I hear you on how hard it is to be away from your little one. I wish we were in a financial place that I could quit my job, but it's just not in the cards for us right now. That is an AWESOME deal that you can take her to work with you. What a great idea to shop with a friend at Costco and split things! I had never thought about that before.
It must be so, so hard to leave her--even though it's a great deal, that doesn't necessarily make it easier. We got rid of cable and most other non-essentials as well (we are adopting) and I admit I really miss On-Demand. Ah, well. Splitting things with your friends is a great idea.
:-)
Wow, that is great that your work has been willing to work with you like that. It's SO hard to have to work outside the home when you just want to be with your baby, but you're doing what you need to do right now to get out of debt and have a cushion, so when you DO get to stay home with her 100%, you'll be a much happier, more care free Mommy, and she will feel that!
About your MIL - I really think it's counterproductive for her to tell you that Leah is crying. It doesn't help Leah and it doesn't help you. WTH?! My darcare lady (who watches Stella 2x/wk) has just told me recently that Stella is SUCH a happier, more content baby now... and honestly, I am SO FRICKIN GLAD she wasn't telling me all the time before that Stella was crying/discontent. Babies adjust, and you know your MIL is doing a good job, and that you're doing what you have to do by leaving Leah a couple of days a week. It's just temporary and a means to an end!! Hang in there hon!
I have been looking at our food expenditures, too, and considering buying less organic to save money. It also makes me sad, but being broke and unable to pay the light bill makes me more sad! I recommend checking to out any CSA's in your area. You can get fresh, organic produce weekly from them for a lot less than if you buy it at the store, and it really makes you stretch your cooking creativity to find ways to use up 6 pounds of zucchini!
As for a dairy-free lifestyle - I have been dairy-free for two years now. It gets much easier with time, I promise. If you find you have to stick with it for Leah, shoot me an email and I'll share some of my favorite tips to create "cheesy" flavors. (www.scrambled-eggs.org)
Hopefully you'll start feeling a little better about the separation...sometimes it just takes a little time. She's with someone who loves her very much and that is awesome. Good luck with the money saving stuff...we were so lucky not to go into debt over our five IVFs, I think that would have made me nearly SCREAM since none of them worked ;)
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