All of this Easter drama has me thinking about the roles parents play and where holiday traditions with our parents merge with the new ones we hope to start with our little family. And how we're going to handle the holidays to come.
Going forward, I don't really think Leah needs two Easter Baskets.
If Brian's parents get her one, does that mean my dad should get her one too?
She definitely doesn't need three Easter Baskets
(or four if you count my "Around at her Convenience" mother)
(or four if you count my "Around at her Convenience" mother)
So now the question goes one step further, what about Christmas Stockings?
I didn't get an Easter Basket or a Christmas Stocking from either of my Grandparents...
And as far as I know, Santa only delivers your presents to the house you live in.
Not Grammy and Pop-pop's.
There are some tricky parts to this situation.
Right now, we do stockings for the grownups on both sides of our family.
Brian's folks do one for us, and my dad does one for us. And we do theirs.
Here's my argument against it from now on.
Number 1 - Neither of our parents need to be spending an extra $20-30 dollars on a Stocking at Christmas. If you count Brian and I and Leah, that's a pretty penny. And we don't need to blow money on scratcher lottery tickets and tiny bottles of booze for them either...
Number 2 - I don't want Leah to have lots of STUFF. A fair amount of toys and books, yes. But not to an excess. It's the principle behind it. She is the only grandchild on both sides of the family. She's already going to clean up for her Birthday and Christmas. I don't want her to get spoiled or think that this type of exorbitance is the norm.
Number 3 - Finally, I feel like this is our time. To be Santa and the Easter Bunny. Just Brian and I. They've had their time...
Number 3 - Finally, I feel like this is our time. To be Santa and the Easter Bunny. Just Brian and I. They've had their time...
I haven't brought this up to Brian yet, and if he agrees with me, this is going to be a very VERY difficult conversation to have with my my in-laws. Especially because my Mother-in-Law already made a stocking for Leah. And my Grandmother-inlaw made one for Leah for here at the house... But what if I want to do my own little thing for Leah? Why should I be obligated to use these items? I feel like it's my turn to start new traditions.
I want a set of stockings for the three of us that match, and are our style...
So what now?
I want a set of stockings for the three of us that match, and are our style...
So what now?
So I ask all of you. Did you get Easter Baskets and Stockings from your Grandparents?
11 comments:
We lived with my grandparents growing up so we only received one basket but it may have been differently if we lived elsewhere.
My parents-in-law almost always do baskets or stockings on top of whatever the parents do. I thought it was a little over the top before I had kids, now that I have two children I know it is WAY over the top! No matter how much we tell them we want to be excluded from the whole ritual they still do it-and it's not like they are rich, generally it is all dollar store stuff (its the thought that counts right?) but they have 15 grandkids!
My bff's kids get 4 Christmas stockings & 2 easter baskets, as well as 2 separate family birthday parties. She has 5 kids. That is a lot of extra crap around her house at every holiday!
My mother made my babies stockings and they are beautiful and perfect and I am so happy to have them. She also made ours when we were little, but my grandmother also gave us stocking stuffers. Perhaps you can ask your MIL to make you and Brian stockings to match Leah's and then you'll have a matched set...?
I guess I'm not too rigid about holiday traditions...my Mom and in-laws waited a long time to have these grandkids and I'm trying to let them experience as much as they want to, but I know it's hard. I think the emphasis should be on the homemade things (like stockings) vs. crappy little stocking stuffer gifts...I know the things my grandmother made me are the ones I still treasure.
Holy crap, I could have written that post...
This past Christmas, I didn't do a stocking for Carder yet because he was so small. But, to my surprise, my MIL showed up with a stocking for him. I was livid.
All these years I had dreamed of buying my child a stocking...and now SHE bought him one. I think I will be sending it back to her and politely telling her that it was a nice thought, but that I have my own plans for our matching stockings. I don't know why I was shocked. She actually hinted that she thought that DH and I shouldn't up him any Christmas gifts and we should let them buy all of them...WHEN MONKEYS FLY OUT MY ASS WOMAN!!!
In answer to your question, I only got one stocking/basket/tooth fairy visit...
We lived across the country from all my grandparents growing up, but we got one or two presents from each set of grandparents at Christmas and a birthday card with some spending money. Never did they have anything to do with Easter, the tooth fairy, or anything else that I remember.
I know my nieces and nephews have only ever celebrated Christmas at my MIL's house. They are OVERLY spoiled every year and I only see half of it. I come home every year telling my DH how things will be so different if its ever OUR kids. I'm almost thankful we haven't had to cross that bridge.
Good luck!
I've been following your blog for a while but have never commented. But this post made me a little sad because I have such great memories of having traditions at both grandparents and with my parents. If I didn't know any different then of course I wouldn't know what I was missing. But having traditions to look forward to every year going to my grandparents was always so much fun. We would wake up and have Christmas morning at our house with my parents, stockings and all. Then all of the family would head to my grandparents on Christmas afternoon and eat lunch/dinner and open gifts. My grandma went ALL out. And it was as much fun for her as it was for us kids.
I know every family and every situation is different, but just wanted to share my experience. I don't have kids so take it for what it's worth. ;-)
Hi! I've never commented before, bu I had to comment on this one. I see what you're trying to do...but really, it seems like you're sucking all of the fun out of these holidays...for everyone. I'm pregnant with the first grandchild. I know my mom will go all out for every holiday. The in-laws? I'm not sure, maybe. If my mom wants to start her own tradition with her grandchild, great! That doesn't mean it has to interfere with the traditions my husband and I want to start. There can be more than one tradition going on at a time. If you're worried about too much stuff, that's a conversation you can have. Just tell the grandparents that you really appreciate the stockings and gifts, but could they at least be books or something educational. I don't think that's out of line...You say they've done this before and now it's your turn...well, they've done it their kids, but not their grandkids. Don't take that away from them.
Different family traditions fascinate me. And combining families are hard enough - add kids to the mix - crazy!!! To answer your question, I never lived near my grandparents, and I remember getting one gift from them at Christmas and my birthday, and maybe a card at Easter, perhaps with a small cash gift. Now that my Alex is here, I expect my parents will be doing the same kind of thing for her. At Christmas, she received one or two small gifts from each of my parents. My mom sent her an Easter card with $5 which we will put in a piggy bank for later. Any larger cash gift and we would put it in her college savings account.
Now my husband's family is COMPLETELY different. Even before they had any grandkids the Christmas is insane. They give each of the kids, and girlfriends/wives about 10-15 gifts each Christmas. And these are huge - I've received skis, watches, all kind of stuff. I can't believe the money they spend on Christmas, it's absolutely ridiculous. So this past Christmas, at 2 months old, Alex had a larger Christmas than I think I ever had growing up. I've talked with my husband about it - about the excess of it all - and he doesn't see anything wrong with it. But we plan on having traditions at home. We asked for and received Christmas stockings for the three of us that match, and we plan on having Christmas at our house this year. So it's a bit of a compromise, but tough in any family!
Sounds like a very, very sticky situation. I get not wanting to overdo it on stuff, but my guess is that your parents/inlaws are just looking to love on your kid. I don't think it's unreasonable to set some boundaries about level of stuff or holiday excess, I'd just hate to see collateral damage from struggling over how to celebrate what should be happy days. It's tough enough raising a child; I think it's tougher when you're at odds with your family how to do it. Good luck.
Why why why have I missed your last several posts?! So weird that I somehow skipped over them. Anyway, I just got caught up.
So, my parents (my mom, really) did make Camden an Easter basket this year (and so did we). Ours was from the Easter bunny and was the big one he got first on Easter morning. My mom gave him hers a few hours later and it was much smaller and just filled with a few goodies.
We have a stocking for Camden but my parents did buy a few items to fill it last year (in addition to the ones we already bought). Plus, they added some gifts to our "from Santa" pile.
For Camden's first Christmas, he was only 3ish weeks old. We didn't get him Santa stuff, because umm? He was 3 weeks old. But my parents did.
None of this stuff bothers me. On the contrary, I am extremely grateful for their generosity and how much they want to be involved in Camden's life.
However. These are my parents. I feel like things are always differen with in-laws, and that boundaries always seem a little more blurry when dealing with them. And I especially get it because your MIL keeps Leah during the day, so that adds an extra component to the boundary-blurry issue. I can completely understand why it was sensitive for you (about the Easter basket) even though I do think your MIL was coming from a good place. I think being honest and upfront with her (like you have) is the best way you could possibly handle the situation.
I don't remember getting Easter baskets from my grandparents, but I vividly remember getting stockings. I loved the stockings I got from my Nana. I knew they were from her and they weren't from Santa and they always had oranges and walnuts (which I thought was weird) but they also had special little treasures that "santa" never brought. Christmas morning with my parents was wonderful and great, but I will also never forget the wonderful and unique stockings my Nana put together.
I can understand you not wanting to have a spoiled child or one that expects a million things, but don't forget the wonderful memories it may create for her. Plus, I love shopping for the stockings and Easter baskets for my kids, and I am sure that desire will never fade. I can only hope that my children will allow me to spoil them and their children well into the future. Obviously your in-laws need to respect you if you say you are going to buy x, y and z, but they are excited to have grandkids and just want to love them and do fun things for them too.
I did not get stockings or baskets from grandparents growing up. On my mom's side, my grandma and grandpa would give a small toy, usually with a spring theme that was from them. On my dad's side, my grandparents didn't give anyone anything because they had 64 grandchildren and great-grandchildren (Irish Catholic, my dad is one of 13). Their gift to us was to come hang out and snack on hardboiled eggs and enjoy the Easter candy that was set out for everyone to share.
I think your number three reason really takes it home. This is Brian and Melissa's time to be the Easter Bunny, Santa, Toothfairy, and whatever magical secret gift giving entity. It is a huge boundary issue.
However, I do agree with Kerri in that you want to be greatful for all that your families do for your child. If they really want to give a basket or stocking, then I would hope they would do it AFTER Leah gets hers from you guys. I also like the idea that it is a little something small from the grandparents. They have the rest of the year to spoil their grandchild rotten. The Easter Bunny, Santa, and the like is a chance for parents to disguise their spoiling of their children, while maintaining rules and expectations.
I don't think you are asking much, but I would be caution to be very gentle in your approach. Seriously people! Quit trying to live your lives through your children and then making them feel badly about it!
(From the lady without kids. I am sure it is easier said than done, but I can't help but advocate for you.)
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