Wednesday afternoon during my bi-weekly trip to Target, (it's a problem, really) I reluctantly picked up a can of Soy Based Formula for my lactose intolerant daughter. I bought it on the premise that it would be for an absolute emergency. In case both my freezer stash and actual supply had completely diminished. Later that night I came to the conclusion that I might possibly just use the formula to supplement, but still primarily nurse and pump as much as humanly possible. Though as I came to appreciate my new revelation I realized my physical supply had taken a huge hit. While allowing my nipples to recover I had been using up my bountiful freezer supply and been lazy about pumping. In my defense it was just that I didn't make enough time for it, not that I hahazardly chose not to.
So on Friday when Leah's first nap of the day rolled around, I pulled the can of formula from the cabinet and made her the first bottle. I scooped her up off the floor and carried her into her room to give her the bottle I had so lovingly made with warm tap water. She whined and reached for it as I got us both into the optimal position for a relaxed feeding. When I finally offered her the sippy cup shed squealed and popped it in her mouth. She took one big gulp, and mid-swallow ripped the cup from her mouth with a look of distress and confusion. And then betrayal. That wasn't my milk. It was the taste of betrayal. She dropped the cup and let a big portion of the milk already in her mouth drool out on to her onesie. I grabbed the cup and offered it to her again, but she pushed it away. I tried three more times this weekend, but she would have nothing to do with it. I even mixed it with my milk and she wouldn't hear of it.
All this time I agonized and fretted over whether or not to make this transition, and I didn't even consider the fact that she would't like it. And I don't blame her. I tried it. It was terrible.
Oh, the irony....
I spent this weekend feverishly working to increase my supply. Pumping every three to four hours. Drinking that awful Tea (Which has worked well for me before), and eating Oatmeal regularly. I have to say at this point spending every spare moment pumping, is no way to live. I would have to dedicate about two hours per day. And now that Leah is so active, I can't imagine another three months of of pumping two hours per day.
I'm going to try to add small increments of formula into her bottles with my milk from now on and hopefully be able to transition over to formula completely... I still can't believe I'm saying that. But the bottom line is, I would rather be spending time with her on the floor, than confining her to her crib so I can have 30 minutes to pump three times a day. My tata's have healed up well, but her troublesome actions while nursing are still a constant. The bites hurt just a little less sans blisters. I noticed too that I still get that special time with her while she's taking a bottle, because I make it that way purposely. I go to a quiet area, and stroke her hair while we stare into each other's eyes. The main difference is that I can relax and smile at her instead of holding my breath while I wait for a bite, or struggle against her while she tries pulling away... I guess I have my answer.
All this time I agonized and fretted over whether or not to make this transition, and I didn't even consider the fact that she would't like it. And I don't blame her. I tried it. It was terrible.
Oh, the irony....
I spent this weekend feverishly working to increase my supply. Pumping every three to four hours. Drinking that awful Tea (Which has worked well for me before), and eating Oatmeal regularly. I have to say at this point spending every spare moment pumping, is no way to live. I would have to dedicate about two hours per day. And now that Leah is so active, I can't imagine another three months of of pumping two hours per day.
I'm going to try to add small increments of formula into her bottles with my milk from now on and hopefully be able to transition over to formula completely... I still can't believe I'm saying that. But the bottom line is, I would rather be spending time with her on the floor, than confining her to her crib so I can have 30 minutes to pump three times a day. My tata's have healed up well, but her troublesome actions while nursing are still a constant. The bites hurt just a little less sans blisters. I noticed too that I still get that special time with her while she's taking a bottle, because I make it that way purposely. I go to a quiet area, and stroke her hair while we stare into each other's eyes. The main difference is that I can relax and smile at her instead of holding my breath while I wait for a bite, or struggle against her while she tries pulling away... I guess I have my answer.
7 comments:
Abiding with you.
I remember reading that when you try to give formula for the first time, it should be someone other than the mama offering it. That way, baby won't reject it in favor of mama who smells like milk, who is right there. Something to try, in any case.
Good idea from the commenter above. I've heard of a lot of ppl who had issues like that when switching to formula. Makes sense when she's only tasted one "flavor" of milk her whole life. Good luck!
What Jendeis said is smart. Since I had to pump from day one, I don't think I ever had the "Smell of Milk" about me, but perhaps I did...
Anyway, I would suggest gradually adding formula to the mix. Start with 1/8 bottle, then 1/4, then 1/2, then 3/4 and then the whole shebang.
And I completely understand where you are coming from on the guilt. When I was trying to decide if I would quit pumping, it was such a hard decision to make. I felt terrible for wanting to do something that was best for ME. In the long run though, I know that stopping was best for BOTH of us - I was so tired of being tied to the pump and I was a much happier mommy without having to be strapped to that sucker for 3-4 hours a day...if you felt relief when you didn't have to hold your breath, you have your answer.
And don't forget what your pedi said - she won't let herself starve. She WILL start taking it if that is the only option.
Hi sweetie!!! I stopped pumping at about 6m because of meds I had to start taking. I felt so guilty, but I had enough stashed milk to give him 12oz everyday for 3m longer. However he was supplemented with rice cereal and formula from 12weeks on because my milk wasn't fatty and he was eating so often. But he did fine with formula and honestly if Im lucky to have another someday I won't pump at all. I missed out on so much being tied to the pump. My life revolved around that darn pump. I thought I was being a "better" mom by giving him breastmilk, but honestly I would have been a better mom spending time with him and my family instead of hours attached to a pump. I could never breastfeed so its slightly different for you, but she's only young once. My view is figure out what's more important to you- giving her breastmilk or spending quality time with her knowing she got a fabulous nutritional foundation. No matter what, she will grow up happy and healthy! You're a fabulous mom!! Don't ever forget that and don't feel guilty for a second if you decide to stop and use your freezer stash. Trust me the guilt goes away so quickly when you're liberated from the pump. You have so much more time for her and you! Just know whatever you decide it will be the best decision. Try several brands of soy too, they all taste different! And mix gradually like an ounce at a time over a few days before increasing to more formula. She'll get used to it, just give it time.
It sounds like you have a good plan moving forward -- that's huge.
Hugs for you! It sounds incredibly upsetting to agonize over a decision and then have your little one be not so fond of the plan. You have her best interest at heart. It seems like it will take time, but there are lots of suggestions here. Glad to hear that you are able to make feeding still a special experience as you transition to formula. Best of luck!
I'm struggling with this decision too...ugh. I feel like I'm losing a part of myself. Has it gotten any easier for you?? I'm thinking of maybe just decreasing to one pump per day, and then supplementing with formula for the other feedings.
She is so beautiful!!!
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