So the asshole thing, let me elaborate...
I have a secret talent. Well maybe it's only a secret if you've never actually met me. Which is most of you. So here it is; I have the ability to make my good intentions make me look like an asshole.
I'm not even really sure where to start with this, but I'll bet you guessed it probably has something to do with my inlaws. And you'd be right!
I basically asked her and the family to only buy one gift for Leah's Birthday and Christmas combined. (Her birthday is three days before Christmas) Because she is tiny and doesn't need much, and we don't have a big house to store tons of crap and I didn't want people going bananas. Oh, and also there are at least thirteen, 13 I SAY, immediate family members buying for her this year. Not including Brian and I.
But apparently that makes me a controlling asshole.
I basically asked her and the family to only buy one gift for Leah's Birthday and Christmas combined. (Her birthday is three days before Christmas) Because she is tiny and doesn't need much, and we don't have a big house to store tons of crap and I didn't want people going bananas. Oh, and also there are at least thirteen, 13 I SAY, immediate family members buying for her this year. Not including Brian and I.
But apparently that makes me a controlling asshole.
Because of the push-back I got, I ended up consulting a few veteran Mommy friends. They both completely understood my position, had attempted to set similar ground rules themselves at some point, but ultimately realized it wasn't worth the headache of trying to manage other peoples gift giving.
As one of them put it: "Smile and nod, then Return, Re-gift, or Donate."
So I conceded. Reluctantly.
But you can fully expect an 'I Told You So' Post on December 26th, by the way. Complete with photographic evidence.
My final thought is this: I can completely understand the excitement from family wanting to buy gifts for the new baby. But was I wrong to presume a little more respect for my request as her parent? I didn't tell anyone what to buy, just requested that it only be one item...
As one of them put it: "Smile and nod, then Return, Re-gift, or Donate."
So I conceded. Reluctantly.
But you can fully expect an 'I Told You So' Post on December 26th, by the way. Complete with photographic evidence.
My final thought is this: I can completely understand the excitement from family wanting to buy gifts for the new baby. But was I wrong to presume a little more respect for my request as her parent? I didn't tell anyone what to buy, just requested that it only be one item...
13 comments:
I was going to make the same request of my IL relatives since they are all gift-insane, but I decided it wasn't worth the conflict. It makes me appreciate my family who are definitely not into gift-giving.
I created an Amazon wish list for Alex, with a bunch of books I'd like him to have, a convertible carseat, and a select few educational toys. I sent it out and said "This is what Alex is asking for for Christmas".
Will I still get a house full of junky toys? Yes, I'm sure I will.
Thanks for commiserating ladies. I started a Wishlist for her on Amazon too. :)
You might also try asking family members that instead of lots of gifts they could make a contribution to her college fund. Or to a charity in her honor.
Thanks Rachel! I did both.
They want to shop...
Your family loving on your child, and wanting to shower her with many gifts is actually a blessing, to be thankful for.
Looks like there's lots of great ideas. I just threw up my hands and figured we'd be getting lots of gifts we don't want/need.
Loving the college fund idea. I might try that one too.
Oooh - good idea about the wishlist!
My MIL's sister asked for ideas a month ago already, so I wrote an email to her (and CC'd my mother and MIL) and said PLEASE no stuffed animals, no clothes, no blankets. If you want to buy a toy, here is a link to Melissa & Doug (great wooden, educational toys). Thanks!
Not unreasonable at all!
OMG - I deleted that last comment because it was filled with typos!
Last Christmas, my MIL informed me that she thought we (meaning DH and I) shouldn't buy a single Christmas gift. At that point I knew it was inevitable that our house was about to explode at the seams with stuff...and it did. Followed by the birthday explosion approximately 6 months later...
Once I stopped fuming about her thoughts that I shouldn't buy my own child a single gift, I realized that asking for moderation was probably a losing battle.
Although I can empathize, I am afraid you will just have to suck it up and accept it. And also ask B to add a new wing onto the house just for Leah's stuff. :)
As a person who has a Dec 30th birthday I will ask - please don't encourage COMBO presents!!!
As your child gets older; the people around her will continue this trend and it's not fair to her. She didn't ask to be born so close to Christmas!!!
Why should her birthday be treated any less important than a person's birthday that's in July?
If her birthday was in July; a person would buy the child a present for each occassion.
Also do not wrap child's birthday presents in Christmas paper!!! That is annoying!!! I always tell my friends - I have Christmas paper in my house all year long, if you use Christmas paper I will use it for yours.
We are using the following as a rule for gifts: our kids can get four gifts each for Christmas (TOTAL): Something you want, something you need, something to wear, and something to read.
We really want to downplay the over commercialization of Christmas and they simply do not need any more STUFF...when we explained it that way to family members they agreed with our logic. I mean, we live in a ridiculously overstuffed with stuff world, am I right? Hang in there!
I just got asked by a friend to not buy for her kids. (Or I think that was what she was getting at). They are one of two families that I buy for. Their kids do have everything I agree. But it is such a tricky thing to just stop. The oldest is 4.5 years old, I'm wondering if she will wonder why she didn't get a gift this year?
I'm not sure what to do.
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