When you need a friend

A few weeks ago I wrote about some good friends who got pregnant on their first try. I wrote about how devastated I was. How even thought I knew that they were trying, hearing their news sent me over the edge. I literally bawled the moment I got in my car to leave work that evening. And I didn't stop until much later that night. These friends of mine are very aware of our situation and gave me the news as gently as possible. We've had them over for dinner since then and although they were careful and asked us more about our current status than they reported of their own, I couldn't help but feel resentful. Her very presence alone was enough to crush my spirit. To break my already wounded heart.

Flip that coin over and you'll find the friends we haven't spoken to since they called us with their happy news. These were friends we traveled to another country with. And spent every Cinco De Mayo with. And saw on a pretty regular basis up until now. In January they suffered a miscarriage. I made it a point to be as supportive as I could. I called up the wife and had a super girly day with her. During our lunch I told her how sorry I was for her loss and then I confided in her all of the infertility issues we'd been dealing with. I told her that I knew she would be pregnant again in no time and that she shouldn't be afraid to tell us when that time comes. She was grateful for my sympathy and empathic to our situation. She asked questions delicately, and told me to call her when I had a bad. I haven't physically seen her since that day. The last time I spoke with her was when she called to tell us that she was pregnant, and 19 weeks along. 19 weeks. We live 6 miles apart. She and her husband have been avoiding us since they found out. They skipped the surprise birthday party in March, that Brian threw for me. And in between the time when they were passed the 12 week mark and when they finally called us, Brian saw them twice. They didn't say a thing. Brian even asked the husband how things were going and the husband blew it off and said they hadn't been trying. Brian has called them a few times and they haven't returned a single call.

Another close friend of mine got married in May and simultaneously announced her abandonment of birth control, just called me today. Out of the blue. She wants to hang out. LIKE SOON. It's pretty obvious that yet another announcement is headed our way. Great.

Infertility changes so many things in our lives. Why does it have to mess with our friendships??? Why does it alienate us from our friends when we need them most???

I hate it but I feel like I'm being left behind. Again. I was just so sure that my first IUI was going to work. I thought about how I'd be far enough along to tell our families on Brian's birthday. Now I feel like we're still months away from anything. This fucking sucks.

Speaking of things that really fucking suck. Please give some love to Kerri at Will not work for Baby. Her IVF cycle failed, and she is understandably broken hearted, as am I for her...