Rightside Up

Dude. You guys are awesome. Thank you so much for cheering me on and offering your not-so-unsolicited support. It was pretty fun to feel the excitement in some of your comments. And a little overwhelming because it made me realize that I was excited too.

I am excited. And hopeful. And almost even giddy when I think about how we're going to get to move forward soon. I'm so grateful to be in such a good place right now that it makes me wonder where I'd be had we not been forced to take a break. I've almost forgotten what it was like to cry on a daily basis, or feel slighted by a complete stranger at the grocery store just because they're pregnant. And things are going really, REALLY well with Brian and I, and I've truly cherished every second since I've stopped wanting to punch him in the face (Not entirely his fault, of course). I'm not saying by any means that the feelings about infertility ever went away, I'm just saying that they were much more manageable... Anyway, I'm not going to sit here and preach about taking a break, because really - who in their everlovin' right mind would want to extend their stay in this horrendous land of limbo? I initially planned to forge ahead, not stopping for anyone or anything until I saw that second line, so I know how it sounds when someone tells you that you need to take a break. (Maybe that's where the whole wanting to punch Brian in the face thing started) I'll just say that a break isn't anything you should be afraid of. (btw, I've been relaxed for four whole months and I'm still not pregnant - can you believe that advice doesn't work after all?!?)

So I guess my new found Zen is part of what made me hesitant to announce anything official here about us doing IVF next year. I was afraid that admitting it in my bloggy life might fling me back into the world of emphatically monitoring my cycle days and cervical mucus. And the next thing you know I'm drinking cough syrup with a straw and screaming in the bathroom at work at a used OPK to give me a more definitive line. For realsies.

Okay here's part of the plan. We're going to interview with one more RE. He used to be a part of my old clinic but opened a practice of his own a while back. He deals strictly with IVF, and has built a very reputable on site lab. The other great thing about this clinic is that he offers a shared risk program, and if we qualify we could be eligible to receive 90% of the fee's back if our first fresh IVF cycle, and subsequent FET's don't end up with a viable pregnancy. In which case we would most certainly put that 90% towards another cycle. He will be giving a seminar at a local Hotel the last week of September, and my plan is to schedule an appointment with him for the week after while I'm signing up for the Seminar. Which in reality is only a little over three months away!

So I'm down almost 15 pounds - yehaw! It's exciting because there are a bunch of clothes in my closet that fit now, so I get to wear somewhat new clothes without having spent a dime. Ahhh the fat girl's consolation... A varied wardrobe to accommodate any pant size. So according to my original plan I only have about 11 more pounds to go. HOWEVER, the clinic we're going to go to really stresses the research they've done between the correlation of BFP's and BMI's. So I'm probably going to need to loose another 10 pounds on top of my original goal. Equaling another 21 pounds total that I need to loose... Fortunately time is on my side -for once. So I might just be able to get all the weight off by the seminar. I'm not going to kill myself doing it, it's just a goal.

Anyhoo, thank you again for all of your support and encouragement. I'm truly grateful with all of my heart.