There is a lot more to absorb emotionally with all this pregnancy business than I was prepared for. I’ve followed dozens of bloggers throughout their pregnancies, and I definitely recall your emotional battle, particularly in the early weeks. But I have to say, I kind of assumed you were just trying to be nice. Like a peace offering to those of us still in the trenches – “DON’T LEAVE ME, I’m still infertile at heart!!!”… But the truth is you suddenly feel like you don’t belong to the one place you hold dearest, and though you finally fall into the category you wanted the most, it’s not what you thought it would be... I’m 6 weeks 3 days today, but really all that means is two weeks ago some blood work suggested that I’m pregnant. It’s like I know it on an intellectual level, but my heart is still trying to catch up. I suppose our first u/s this weekend will make everything more real. Then again, maybe it's just the fog of fatigue that's muffling my giddiness.
Physically, I’m feeling less and less like my old self. Which is comforting. The fatigue is definitely there. The cramping has subsided, just a few pangs here and there, mostly at night. Bloating, oy the bloating. I had to cave and buy one of those Be.lla band things. Not because I’m by any means showing, but the OHSS bloat comes back with a vengeance in the afternoons and it’s really uncomfortable to have any kind of pressure or constriction on my abdomen. Am I lame? Did anyone else need “assistance” this early??? And to tell you the truth, I’ve always been a big fan of elastic waistbands, now I have a really great excuse to wear one every day. Here’s to not sucking it in for the next eight months! The girls – they are still extraordinarily sore. A big thank you to Carli who text me about opting for a sports bra at night – holy hell that saved me… But I have to say the most difficult symptom is the slowed bowels. I am popping Colace like tic tacs over here…. Ugh. But I’m not complaining. I’m incredibly grateful for the reason(s) I have each one of those symptoms. Seriously, I smile through every trip to tinkle at 12, 2, 4, and 6am.
So our ultrasound is this weekend. It was initially set for Saturday, but we had some family stuff come up and I had to move it back one day. Even though it sucks to push it back, it’ll be better for everyone this way. Brian and I are obviously pretty excited. As of right now, I’m thinking it’s just one. Actually I’ve always felt that way, but I suppose we’ll see soon enough. You’ve all been exceptionally amazing with your thoughtful and helpful comments. And I continue to be truly grateful.
16 comments:
It's an interesting place to be, that's for sure. Stuck in between two worlds, not really feeling like you fit in either. I had a very emotional pregnancy, full of highs and lows (I think, in part, due to all of the fluctuating hormones but I also think it's the aftermath of infertility). I always felt guilty about feeling down or having anxiety during my pregnancy because I had waited so long for it and had gotten exactly what I wanted. Looking back, it was stupid to feel guilty. Pregnancy is a very emotional time for all women. So, embrace it, enjoy it & savor every minute-- but don't ever feel bad about having bad or sad days either!
Can't wait for the ultrasound!!
Oh yes, early pregnancy, especially before the ultrasound, is tough. I'm at 11.5 weeks, and I still feel rather infertile... I'm not sure if it ever goes away!
So glad you get to see your little one this weekend - how exciting! And the symptoms all sound wonderfully promising!
So, so excited for you!!!! Your emotions are so "normal" for an infertile who get pregnant. It's like you're in the twilight zone, right? I bought my bella band at 6.5 weeks because I was so bloated and feeling fat. You are not lame! YOU'RE PREGNANT!!!!!!! I can't wait to hear about the upcoming ultrasound!
No advice, except lots of fiber! And super good luck at the u/s this weekend! Your gratitude, by the way, is palpable :)
Yes, that beginning stage is so weird ... you just feel like you don't fit in anywhere and the fear and worry mixed with excitement is so stressful and confusing!
Thrilled for you and praying for a wonderful ultrasound to set you worries at ease.
I can totally relate!
Ha! And you thought we all said that just for your benefit. You really gave us all too much credit. :o) It is hard being in the place where you don't quite feel like you fit in to either place. Technically, you are pregnant - but you aren't to a point yet that you truly feel that way and you don't look it yet. But, you are have finally made it to pregnant and you aren't mourning what could have been. It is such a strange place to be.
I am glad you bought a bella band. Even though it is only for the afternoon bloat, it is definitely worth it to wear the thing and not suffer through feeling like you ate a whole turkey at lunch.
Glad to hear that the fatigue has started to set in - that is a GREAT sign.
And thanks for letting us know that the u/s has been moved to Sunday. Otherwise, I would have been blog stalking/texting/emailing you all Saturday!!! I can't wait to hear your great news!!!
Glad the sports bra helped! Love ya!!!
I get it too! It's a little bit like purgatory...I am over the moon happy for you and hope the ultrasound goes well.
I'm excited for Sunday! And the bella band is a great investment.
I started wearing the belly band early because of the bloat! Or I would do the hair band trick because I couldn't button my pants. Keep comfortable!
Glad you are doing well.
You will definitely get the pregnancy guilt. I had it..and now I have baby guilt because I feel so bad for all the girls that are still trying to get pregnant.
However, you worked darn hard to get where you are and you shouldn't feel bad about it. I'm so extremely happy for you. I hope it all continues to go well for you!! Maybe its just me, but I feel like I love on and appreciate my baby so much more then other Mom's that just pop them out. I think of her as a true miracle and I enjoy every minute I have with her.
I hear ya on the pregnancy guilt...tho that feels weird to even say, b/c I don't even feel pregnant.
I'm tired all the time. I eat all the time. My boobs are killing me. I bought a new pair of jeans yesterday b/c mine WILL.NOT.BUTTON. Don't worry- you're not alone.
But it still doesn't feel real that I'm pregnant.
Can't wait to hear about your u/s!
I vote that two are in there! Just kidding. I'll be sitting on pins & needles waiting for your post to see how it goes! So excited for you!
Can't wait to hear all about Sunday! I'm voting 2 with one as a late implanter. (-;
My OB recommended taking both Colace and Miralax (which, seriously, miracle drug) since they operate independently. Other helpful things: oatmeal in the morning, and pears or pear juice (pears actually have more fiber than prunes).
Can't wait to hear about your u/s!
Oh Gosh, You say it so well. I feel so unprepared for the emotions that are all coming up with this new pregnancy. It is nothing like what I expected. I also read so many other blogs where gals have explained it, but I still wasn't prepared.
We are just now at 8 weeks and I haven't been able to wear any of my pants for at least a week. I thought I was crazy, but it sounds like we are not alone. I bought a pair of maternity slacks early last week and have been so grateful for them. and then yesterday I placed an order for a bunch of maternity slacks at the gap and old navy. I felt a little premature on the purchase, but hey, comfort matters. I also noticed that I have less cramping when there isn't anything digging into my stomach. (and the cramping scares me, so its even more important to be comfortable)
Good lucky with your ultrasound. That was another surprising reaction for me... I expected to cry, but it just felt so surreal. I just couldn't reconcile that this little heartbeat was actually inside of me. We had a bonus us last week and it was still so strange. I'm not sure when it will actually sink in for me. So many others have said that seeing the little heartbeat made all the difference in the world. Do enjoy!
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