Holy Crow, where do I even begin? You guys. Well, you Just. Fucking. Rock. I can’t tell you how amazing it’s been to read all of your incredibly thoughtful and supportive comments. And hearing the personal experiences has been a big, BIG relief. Thank you, thank you for the bottom of my progesterone saturated heart.
I’ve been doing my best not to freak out about the Beta results. I realize that the number was by no means a harbinger of the worst possible case scenario, but for a minute, that’s what it felt like. I think the hardest part about this is the fact that I’ve seen too much. I know what possibly can go wrong, and I’ve seen it happen to way too many really great people – so why should I be any different? Please, please understand how grateful I am to be here. And I’m happy. And excited. But this part of being pregnant is really scary. And I did not see it coming.
I felt a little better Wednesday because I had read, and reread all of your fabulous comments three or four times. Also I was consistently mildly crampy the entire day. Then yesterday I felt SO bloated and tired – exactly the same way I felt during the worst day of stims, which I am praying meant that my Hcg, E2 and P4 were all blowing up. But today – I feel nothing. No different. I know, I’ve heard symptoms come and go. But well, that just sounds like a cop out. I’m so hopped up on PIO shots, and Progesterone and Estrogen Suppositories; I should at the very least being seeing spots by now… I don’t get it. This is hard. Not harder than being infertile – but hell, at least I know how to do that…
I felt a little better Wednesday because I had read, and reread all of your fabulous comments three or four times. Also I was consistently mildly crampy the entire day. Then yesterday I felt SO bloated and tired – exactly the same way I felt during the worst day of stims, which I am praying meant that my Hcg, E2 and P4 were all blowing up. But today – I feel nothing. No different. I know, I’ve heard symptoms come and go. But well, that just sounds like a cop out. I’m so hopped up on PIO shots, and Progesterone and Estrogen Suppositories; I should at the very least being seeing spots by now… I don’t get it. This is hard. Not harder than being infertile – but hell, at least I know how to do that…
So here’s where I am treatment wise. I had my Intralipid infusion Wednesday. Even though my follow up NK Assay came back a 0 out of 5 (normal), Dr. 3 prefers to follow up with at least one infusion right after a positive pregnancy test. All of the nurses who were there for our retrieval and transfer were in the area where they do the Infusion. It was nice to see them all again, but weird because they kept giving me hugs and offering congratulations… Which was cool, but very surreal. Our first ultrasound (gulp) is scheduled for April 30th, I’ll be 6w6d. Seriously – so weird to say that.
I just want you all to know how insanely grateful I am for all of your support through this – and especially from those of you who’ve delurked.
I'm really just so, so thankful for each and every one of you.
Counting the minutes till Tuesday.
I'm really just so, so thankful for each and every one of you.
Counting the minutes till Tuesday.
16 comments:
This community is so freakin' amazing. Glad we can all be here for each other!!
Glad all the responses helped you relax (a bit). Hugs!
I'm so excited for you! I don't think you should feel for one moment that you need to apologize for feeling nervous. It's been a long, hard road for you to get here, and the nerves are bound to come. That's what we're all here for!!! In the meantime, I'm sending out lots of thoughts and hope for your growing little one(s)!!!
I am so thrilled for you! I know it's going to take a while to seem real - so I totally get the worry. Just don't let it rob you of your joy!
Honestly, being pregnant after infertility is really hard. Not hard as in "poor me" but hard as in just scary. You can be grateful and elated and excited and scared and struggling with the worry at the same time. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Continued good luck!
I know you know this but thought I'd say it again. Symptoms will always come and go and don't mean anything!
Good luck and congratulations. will be checking back in with you on Tues
I totally understand when you say this early part of pregnancy is so scary and you weren't expecting it. I think when we go through infertility, everything will be just fine and easy when we finally get that positive pregnancy test, but it's still so very scary! So glad you feel comforted by the comments you've received - I love this community, it's so amazing. And I'm very excited for your first ultrasound! Hang in there, you're doing great!
Oh if only the crossing over part could be fearless...but that's another bitch of IF. However, we are so happy for you and will continue to will everything good to keep coming your way!!
I've always thought the time after beta (pre u/s) was far more stressful than pre-beta. And the pre-beta time is pretty damn stressful. Sending you warm thoughts.
I'm excited for your 1st ultrasound. I hope you get more symptoms soon so your mind can be put at ease...a little.
I wrote an entire long post and for some reason it gave me an error message afterward! ARGH! Basically the gist of it was that it is COMPLETELY normal to have fluctuating symptoms at this point. I know it sounds like a cop out but it really is! I would literally have 1 day where my boobs were sore and then another day where I felt nothing at all. I called our IF clinic nurse an embarrassing amount of times and she kept assuring me it was totally normal. I also had menstrual style cramping for weeks after my positive test. IF really ruins the joy and anticipation of your first pregnancy. As a PP mentioned, don't let it rob you of your joy. I really think everything is totally fine and you will see at least one beautiful heartbeat at your next appointment! Stay strong!
I am so glad to hear you are feeling a little better! You are so right we know how to do infertility, but the fear of actually having a baby on board until you see that heartbeat is overwhelming. Symptoms really do come and go - really they do! There is nothing to read into it at all. Hang in there - another 12 sleeps to your scan date! Looking forward to hearing your update!
First let me say that this is my first ever comment on a blog... but when I found your personal blog a few weeks ago, I've been hooked and felt compelled to write something! The reason: you and I are almost on the same exact timeline as far as our IVF cycle goes, and for the first time ever, I got a BFP just a few days before you! So, I am sending my congrats your way! On another note, I am scared sh*tless, too! I have hardly any symptoms and my first u/s is this thursday... all too far away... and the wait is driving me insane! I am so scared, but trying to stay positive, as you are. I look forward to reading your updates! Thank you so much for sharing your life! xxoo
We're all sending very BFP thoughts your way!
Hugs,
Jem
Thinking lots of beta increasing thoughts for you today. Hang in there!
Post a Comment