It's Coming

My weekend away with Brian. And away from Leah. 

Blaaaaarrrg.

Two very different sets of emotions. On one hand I'm a little giddy, packing nighties and dresses (which I'm not totally accustom to wearing) to look nice for my wonderful hubby, and enjoying the fact that I won't have to worry about getting diaper cream, snot, milk, or avocado on any of them.  All the while contemplating self inflicted injuries, illnesses and circumstances which would prevent me from leaving the house/my daughter.

I feel edgy. Anxious. Borderline fearful. 

I KNOW.

SHE WILL BE FINE.

But NO ONE can do my job, the way I do it. 

And that is how I want it done.

When I first posted about this you all commented about how the days leading up to it would be the hardest. And damn it, you're so right. So when I read your words I made a mental note to be especially kind to myself this week. And watch for the crazy to creep in. But it caught me anyway. I've been what you might call, difficult, all week. (There were some outside factor s too). But mostly, I've been cranky. Unreasonably cranky. 

I decided after all that I will go with Brian the full two and a half days. We leave Friday around noon. And return Sunday afternoon...

I can do this.

I can do this.

I can do this...

Right?

Alright, Maybe I Can Swing It.

Thank you, ladies for walking me through the logistics of it. And providing your own experiences. It has really taken the edge off of my anxiety about leaving her. I don't feel guilty about the time- never have. It's more about my being away from her. I know she'll kind of forget we're gone to an extent. Between naps and nighttime, she sleeps around fifteen hours a day. And she is VERY comfortable with my MIL. So I feel good about that. With the exception of the gloating and blustering I'll have to hear about her spending the WHOLE WEEKEND with her snookum-pie. (cue gag reflex) (and mama-bear reflex, for that matter...)

I genuinely believe in making time for Brian and I a priority. Leah goes to bed at 7pm every night, which gives us a good three hours each night. I do my best to have most of the stuff around the house finished by then. We also try to do a date night every month. The last one was in October, but it's been nuts. So the next one will be this week! Thanks to Christmas we have gift certificates to dinner and the movies!  

Anyhoo, I have decided to aim for staying there both nights, but allowing myself a little time to get used to the idea. And come game day, if I just can't handle it, I'll do one. Though I am preparing myself for how tough the days leading up to it can be. Thank you for pointing that out... And thank you again for the reassurances. I'm so grateful for the input. 

Not Without My Daughter

We have a wedding to go to in April. Brian is in it. So we have to go.

Why am I making it sound like a bad thing? Because it will be my first night away from Leah. Or first two nights. That part is up to me. Whether it's one night or two. 

The wedding is only a little over an hour away, but it's an evening wedding at a vineyard. So driving home just seems silly. The rehearsal dinner is up there the night before, next day is the wedding, and of course brunch the day after. 

My choice is that Brian goes up Friday, for the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. Stays at the hotel that night alone. And I come up early Saturday, leave Sunday late morning. OR we both go up Friday and come home Sunday Afternoon.

A weekend away? With my husband? Sounds pretty fricken great. 

Now you know what I'm going to say; I don't want to leave Leah. 

I would not have planned a weekend getaway for us. 

Not yet. 

But the time with him sounds lovely. And I'll be honest, occasionally I miss the me-time. Don't mistake my incomparable gratitude and love for my daughter. But sometimes? When I leave her with Brian to run to an errand, I get in the car and blast my stereo, and it feels so good to have that little piece of time to myself, even for just a half hour or so. I know this is normal.  I know that a weekend away with my husband is a good thing. That it will be good for us. And I know I will rcover from being away from her. 

And Leah will be fine. I know this. We'll have Brian's mom stay at the house with her. I know we could bring my MIL up there, and get a room for her too. But it sounds more stressful. Taking her up there, she'll be all out of her element, and then it'll be much harder on all of us than it would to just keep her at home; in her own environment. 

This is great problem to have, I KNOW. And most certainly not the end of the world.

In theory, I want to go up for the whole weekend. And while yes, Brian will be busy with the wedding in part. It'll be nice to have some extra time alone with him. And I know I of course, will not regret it. I just haven't been away from her for more than 9 hours and I'm struggling with the thought of 48.

What did you do the first time you let your baby???