Where the Light Is

I know I've been a little MIA lately. To tell you the truth I've just sort of needed some distance from all things infertility. The small break I had last week at that concert reminded me of everything I've been missing. That peace I felt before I knew the world of IF. And for some reason I have continually been reminded of that by different people in my life over the last few days.

At my last acupuncture appointment, I had a really nice heart to heart with Ms. B. She was in Italy during my last BFN, so the first thing she asked me once we sat down is how I was doing emotionally. I told her we were frustrated of course, but planned to keep moving forward. She then proceeded to tell me about a miracle pregnancy story. Which usually infuriates me, but her tone and the message of her story was more about how I can help myself, rather than the old: 'my sister's, cousin's roommate in college was told she'd never have kids, and yada yada, she's now pregnant with her third.' I'm not going to try to retell the story, but her point was about finding joy in your life, joy despite our hardships. She said it's not the same as positive thinking, because that requires a particular type of effort. But joy was more about admiring the things in your life that you already have.

Tonight Brian and I attended a RESOLVE meeting. And as a closing thought, the leader asked each person to name something they were thankful for. This is a big part of what I have been doing over the last week. Focusing on the other aspects of my life. Of things I am thankful for. We have a good life, and we're lucky in a lot of ways. I know that we're going to make it through this - whatever the outcome. With hearing all of the lengthy stories at the RESOLVE meeting, as well as each month's ICLW, I am reminded that we are still relatively early into treatments. We haven't had to endure multiple failed IVF's, or miscarriages. We're lucky that our medical issues are not as serious as others. I know that... And I'm thankful.

So would one of you mind letting the Universe know that I can take a hint? I promise I'm going to spend more time thinking of the things that make me happy, and the things that I am grateful for. And I'm starting to feel better already... As for my cycle, I will take my last dose of Letrozole tonight, then go in for a follie check on Friday. That appointment should help determine when my next IUI will be. I'm guessing it will be by next Monday. Posting maybe light but I'll keep you all up to date on the important stuff.

One last thing I'm grateful for? All of you.