Don't get too excited, I'm still not feeling quite myself, but I'm lucid enough to know how strange it is to be so sad all the time. I hardly recognize that side of me; weepy consumed, despondent. While I've always been one to cry over things a simple as commercials, or a greeting card I still felt pretty confident in the viability of my mental health. But sometimes looking at the mess I am right now makes me think I seriously overestimated myself. Good god, how ever did I make it this far in life without spending a good portion of it in a loony bin?!?!
Not that there's anything wrong with that...
So I'm 9dpo today. I'm going to string out my prometrium until Saturday when I'll test. I'm not feeling super hopeful, but I haven't given up yet either. I know how very much I still want this, and feel it's going to happen for us eventually... Which is why there's still that twinkle of hope thinking that it's always darkest before the dawn, what if this turns out to be our month? Blah, Blah, Blah.
I'm sorry I've been so bad about commenting, please know that I've been lurking and of course thinking of you all. Hugs.
15 comments:
Yay, you're back! I'm glad you feel like you're turning the corner and that therapy is helping. I think all of us who are dealing with (or who have dealt with) IF find ourselves at that really, really low point sometime duing the process. And it's not always easy to snap out of it. I'm glad you're taking the right steps to help you feel more like yourself again.
Melissa - Good to hear the update even if you're still in a dark place! I'm glad you got in some hockey (my Minnesotan husband has gotten me into the game) and had a good appointment with your therapist. It took me a full year from the time I decided I should to to my first appointment - it's not easy to open that door! I am hoping the very best for you this cycle. And, you definitely did not overestimate yourself! This stuff would drive anyone insane. Anyone. Take care..
It is so, so hard. Do whatever you need to do to stay sane. I still feel that I will never, ever be the same person that I was before we started. I really, really went to some dark places and became a person that I did not think was possible. But that was okay and what you are doing is okay. There really is no easy way to get through it - we just have to get through.
Thinking of you and remaining hopeful.
We seem to be in the same place emotionally right now. I actually have my 1st ever appointment with a therapist today...I am nervous but I am willing to do anything at this point to get out of my dark place. I hope the darkness continues to lift off of you. Thinking of you!!
Thank you for not hurling yourself through a plate glass window at the shower. I would have leaped on top of you to stop you, and would have gone through too.
You did great, especially considering that your so-called partner in crime probably crossed the line to offender. xoxo
Oh dear, I am sending you huge hugs! I don't know how you made it through the baby shower -- you have my eternal admiration for that!! You are strong, and you're right -- it's always darkest before the dawn. Hang in there. Thinking of you ...
You are a stronger, braver woman than I am for sure! You went to a baby shower! I'm proud of you for that!
I do believe that this WILL happen, and I am hoping this is the month. Keeping my fingers crossed for you!!
Melissa, I'm always thinking of you, even if you're not posting and I'm not commenting.
How awesome that you were able to go to 2 Sharks games... our Wild game is next week (although I'm still sad it won't be a game against the Sharks).
I'm glad that the therapist seems like a good fit- hopefully that will really help a lot.
Missed you. Hope you're staying sane (and if you figure out the trick, let me know!)
Baby showers = Horrible. My mom had to drag me to my own sister's. I did, however, put a smile on my face and I'm proud of how well I handled it.
I'm so glad that you are feeling better...I agree with your comment on my post about how you just feel helpless throughout all of this.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this is your month!!!
Hey, we all need our time off. But glad you're back :-)
Just went to a baby shower myself. I also passed with flying colors. I even spent most of my time sitting next to a pregnant chick. Wow! Where's my trophy? ;-)
Hugs and hugs to you... I pray you feel better with every passing day.
ps. how are the sharks doing?
Infertility and the fertility drugs to wild things to our once sane minds, and you are welcome to have whatever emotion you want.
Best wishes for a BFP on Saturday.
ICWL
I'm praying that today brings good news to you. As the above commenters have said, we've all been there, so we completely understand the sheer darkness and emptiness that accompanies this journey at times. I pray you'll soon find yourself on solid ground again! (((hugs)))
Happy ICLW.
To get your mind off everything, you should totally email the Sharks about Hockey n Heels thing. This year, there were over 300 women in attendance. It was awesome!
I am hoping that today brings you good news.
HUGS!
Stopping by for an ICLW visit...
No. 2: the unfair struggle (mfi, speedskating, nanowrimo)
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