I found out this morning that our 5th dIUI cycle failed. FIFTH! I still have the damn lopsided First Response test sitting next to me. I'm glaring at it, but nothing is changing in that little window - there's something my hormones can't scare into submission.
I can't fucking believe it didn't work AGAIN.
A little more history - Supposedly there is nothing "wrong" with me. "You'll be pregnant in no time" said my RE, and I believed him! So we started with three natural IUI's- back to back and OPK monitored. The last two have been with Letrozole/Femara and Prometrium. My body has responded well, getting two follicles from each round of meds, but still nothing. Neither myself, nor my RE have any idea why it hasn't worked so far, and it's really starting to piss me off. We plan to do one more cycle with Letrozole, then rob a bank so we can afford a more aggressive approach, because the last 5 cycles have damn near sucked us dry. Okay, FINE, actually we're going to do one more cycle then take a break to save up some cash. Then we'll likely move on to injectables.
Sorry for all of the rambling. If you are interested in a more DI related post you can read this one. It covers a lot. Well I look forward to reading all of your blogs, thanks for stopping by!
34 comments:
I'm so sorry sweetie! I was hoping this time was it! Really sorry!
((Hugs))
Hi, I found your blog through ICLW, and am sending you hugs. I am so sorry, this process blows big time, total suckage.
I'm so sorry sweetie. This f-ing sucks.
Hi, I'm so sorry it didn't work this time (yet again!),but I'm so happy I found a new blog friend! I know this is an ICLW message but I also know I'll be here for you from the very beginning of your next cycle the next time. Fran
ps: got a message from the repair centre and the little one is on his way back!!
Melissa, I'm really sorry to hear this cycle was not the one. Like Nikki, I was really hoping for you.
It sounds like you guys have a plan in place and I hope it brings you peace of mind.
I will be praying the next Letrozole cycle does the trick. I feel like it's just a matter of time for you...but the waiting effin' sucks.
I wish it could be easier.
No, Melissa, I am so sorry. God, that sucks. Can't they try to be more aggressive with the letrozole??? I had a shitty response to IVF (3 eggs the first time, 6 the second and 9 the last - all on a shitload of drugs) - but I ended up getting six follicles on clomid - what do they say about clomid???
Shit, shit, shit - I am so sorry.
What the hell!!? I know this is so not the news you were hoping for. I am so sorry and have no words that will make it better. Just know that you are not alone in not understanding what the hell is going on with your body. I am and always been very healthy and my female "stats" all look good.....but boy am I TROUBLE!! Anyway, hopefully you can take some time to recover and regain your hope. Thinking of you....
No no no no NO! =( ARGH!
I'm so sorry, Melissa. This blows so craptastically hard.
I'm hoping that with the next cycle, you can put your plan into action (i.e. going into the clinic as late in the day as possible to do the IUI) to give those spermies more of a fighting chance.
I'm always here if you need to talk! *hugs*
Here from ICLW
I'm sorry that your IUI hasn't worked. Sending you hugs.
Ah man. That sucks. I was so hoping this would be it for you. But I totally here you - there's nothing "wrong" with me either. Crap.
ICLW
Erg, that sucks. Sending hugs your way.
ICLW
I'm so sorry Melissa. I'm so very angry at this IF thing lately that I can barely see straight. It is just plain not fair but I'm sure you already know that.
I wish there was something I could say or do to make you feel better. If you can think of something, please let me know.
Hope you enjoy your weekend.
Please glare at it some more and then bash it in the head too. I am so sorry that you have had to go through the disappointment so frequently. I am approaching my first donor egg cycle and am terrified. You would think the donor factor would make everything supercharged and great right? Well, I will be crossing my fingers that the next plan works! ICLW
I am so sorry it didn't work :-(. *BIG HUGS*
*ICLW*
I'm genuinely sorry to hear the disappointing news. :( Sending my best to you...
-*ICLW*-
I'm sorry for your bfn. How frustrating it must be! Five cycles! So sorry!
I'm so sorry to hear that this cycle didn't work. It really just does suck.
iclw
This roller coaster isn't so fun is it? I'm sorry this cycle crapped out.
ICLW
I am so sorry the IUI didn't work. I like your blog and I wish you the best!
Megan
ICLW
OMG that sucks! The not knowing WHY is the worst part!! I'm sorry
I'm so sorry. Wishing you the best in your next cycle.
((HUGS))
ICLW
First of all, the image of you sleeping with an HPT under your pillow has me in stiches. I have SOOOOOOOO been there! I can identify about the MFI, too. We're dealing with a slew of issues, of which that is the most severe. But, no matter where your diagnosis lies, IF is a bitch -- and the fact that it costs a gazillion dollars to "treat" doesn't help matters. I've had four failed IUI's -- and each one successively broke my heart. Five? My heart hurts for you, sweetie.
The one thing my RE has stressed throughout this long process (we've been seeing him for over three years now) is that each cycle helps them learn more about how your body works. As hard as it is to realize, each failure helps them fine-tune things the next time.
The other thing I've learned is that if you aren't happy with your RE (and how aggressive he/she is), find a new one. I've read many blogs about people with multiple failed cycles who switched RE's and quickly got pregnant.
Ok, assvice aside -- you make me laugh. And I'm adding you to my reader just for that.
Hugs,
Jo
Oh, Melissa, I am SO sorry! :( Like everyone else said, that just sucks. I am so sorry.
So very sorry about the BFN. :(
BFNs are of the devil. I hate them more than anything EVER. So sorry you had another one!
ICLW
I'm so sorry #5 didn't work out. IF sucks!!
ICLW
How frustrating to have a fifth disappointment. Wishing you well. ICLW
Oh boy. It sounds really diffiuclt to live through. I'm sorry to hear it hasn't worked YET. I hope you find other positivie things to focus on between cycles.
I'll send positive thoughts your way.
And happy Icomleavwe !
http://pandabox33.wordpress.com
I am sorry to hear your news Melissa. I wish there was more that I could say. I am so sad for you. Take care of yourself and know I am thinking about you.
Many big hugs.
I am so sorry to hear that your 5th one failed. Having been there myself, I know one of the most frustrating parts is being told there is nothing wrong with you. I know for me, I would have handled it all a little better if SOMETHING had been wrong because then it could have been fixed.
I'm sorry this cycle was a bust!! I hate that other people have to feel the pain of infertility..it's not fair!!
I'm sorry for the BFN. :-( IF BLOWS.
I'm so sorry. *hugs* Sending good thoughts your way.
Hi there - I just came across your blog while researching IUI with DS. After 2 years on the infertility treadmill, I can 100% relate to your "Recluse" comments!! I have felt the exact same way about (ironically) the people in my life who are the most supportive. Thanks for sharing.
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