I've been away from Fac.ebook for several months now, I'm sure you can all figure out why. Only popping in to accept a friend request or return a message. Until last week when I peeked with one eye open at my home page to see what some friends where up to. I was pleasantly surprised to see only the mundane mentionings of the coming weekend, and a picture of a new tattoo.
Then silly me, thinking that the water would be safe, I stuck a toe in this morning only to be greeted by TWO pregnancy announcements!!!! WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?!?! I swear that place isn't going to be safe for me until I'm in menopause... And who knows if even then I'll be okay with it... Who can say how long IF will really stay with you. As of right now I can honestly say that I feel as though I am forever changed. I don't really think that pregnancy announcements will always sting as much as they do now, but I wonder how they will feel ten years from now, or even five. Will I still feel resentment for those who get pregnant easily?
And I have a confession to make... Lately I've started to feel a sting from announcements within the IF community... But it's not resentment. Those pregnancies, were hard won and I'm proud of the ladies who fought and finally won their battle. It's just that their happy news reminds me of what I'm still missing... And the longer I find myself sitting on the sidelines, the harder it is to keep sincerely cheering everyone else on. Ugh, I really hate admitting that, and I'm truly sorry if it hurts any ones feelings - that is most certainly not my intention. I feel like a complete asshole saying that, but I know if there's anywhere I can be 100% honest, it's here.
I really don't want those two announcements to bring me down, but damn it. I was hoping that being on a break would soften the blow of any news I got, because I wouldn't be knee deep in treatments or a tww. But they still suck just as much...
Okay. ENOUGH whining. Back to having some semblence of a normal life. I liked it a lot better that way. Being sad sucks.
27 comments:
Me too. With both.
Stay away from Facebook and try to get back your peaceful break month! :)
I completely understand how you feel. There was a while there that the BBC was really painful for me. I felt like the only one left. I am sorry today was so rough for you. We have all been there. HUGS!
I'm right there with you. The announcements just plain hurt--even the ones in the IF community. And yes, obviously we can be happy for those who do finally succeed, but it still leaves us longing, and wondering when it will be our turn. SIGH.
Hang in there.
I have a co worker who was struggling as well and I just found out that she's 10 weeks. Ugh. It is very hard to show excitement even though I am really happy for her.
Facebook is the WORST. I'm so sick of seeing pregnancy announcements, It's a boy/girl, 4D pictures, "I feel the baby kicking it's the BEST", AND, "Dear baby, please stop taking all mommys energy" BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!
Thank you for your honesty; I think most people are liars if they can't admit to feeling those same emotions from time to time.
I'm totally there with you. It's so hard when a fellow IF'er blogger gets pregnant...it's hard to keep reading. I know the pain! Also, a (stupid) friend of mine, who was so excited about being pregnant, made her Facebook thumbnail the picture of the baby, which was the 3D ultrasound taken of the baby in her belly. I had to defriend her. It was just TOO much. Good luck...take care! You're not alone!
I feel like the only person on the planet that doesn't have a Facebook account, but its because I don't want to hear about everyone else getting pregnant!! It is a dangerous place for IF'ers to be!!
I am happy for fellow "infertiles" that FINALLY get pregnant too, BUT it still stings, just not as bad as the person who gets pregnant on their first try. I am having a hard time leaving comments on their blogs because I just can't "fake it" right now.
You are not alone...I'm right there with you.
I couldn't agree more. I actually de-friended an acquaintance on FB because of their prego announcement. I didn't want to deal. We need to worry about ourselves first. Hang in there.
I felt the same way for a long time - I used to follow the blog of a woman who was pregnant at the same time I was for my first - I could not read her blog FOR MONTHS AND MONTHS AND MONTHS.
Don't feel bad - I can only speak for myself and I felt the same way - and so do a lot of the other women who are going through hell to try and get to baby.
Do for you - whatever that is. ((HUGS))
I know how you feel. When my first IVF failed and I was so sick with OHSS, everyone and their mom (IRL and in the IF world) decided to go get knocked up. Meanwhile, I got people asking me (and my OHSS fluid-filled belly) when I was due. It seems like the announcements always manage to come at the exact wrong time.
I hope the facebook announcements don't get you too down. *hugs*
I effin' hate those FB "bombs", too! I will not hesitate to "hide" someone once they get all about baby, I just view it as self preservation.
Yes, and it can still sting for me, too, in the IF community sometimes...hard to always feel like you're on the sidelines.
Always hoping for you! XO
Totally been there. You are NOT awful for feeling the way you do -- it's completely understandable. What's been weird for me is that, following my miscarriage, I am HAPPIER for my IF sisters, though I COMPLETELY hate all fertile people. All of them.
Facebook is the worst! I told my husband I don't want to see another damn ultrasound picture on there as long as I live. Or pregnancy announcement. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.................I too understand the feeling of jealousy with people in the IF worl who get pregnant. I feel like an ass as well, but I get pissed off too. Why them and not me? Why do I get screwed over? Some days I deal with it very well, but others I just close Facebook as fast as I can. Loved your blood story by the way too. I won't even donate so kudos to you for doing it, even if you passed out. :)
I think Facebook needs to ban the ability to post and ultrasound pic as a profile pic. I really don't need to see that every - single - time I log in!!
And seriously, don't feel bad about your mixed bag of feelings. I think we can all relate. It is possible to be happy for someone and yet sad for yourself at the same time. And then to feel guilty for not being 100% happy for them. Ugh.
I love FB because I have a great group of IF sisters there, and most of my friends are by and large supportive (and not to mention most have had their babies long ago, and are not making any surprise announcements soon). However I'm right with you on hating the surprise announcement. I don't take 2 minutes to "hide" the person!
I've sat on the sidelines for way too long, and let me tell you - it doesn't get much easier. Whether the announcements come from fertiles or IFers, they pinch - at different levels, but they pinch.
((Hugs))
I avoid FB, and I kind of dread seeing all my friends that might be pregnant. And, I get bitter at everyone that is pregnant, including people in IF community or loved ones..it's just a matter of how bitter. But, I do get some hope out those announcements too.
You are changed forever, but hopefully in some good ways too. Sorry for the sadness...I feel it too.
Well first off bravo on being so brave on admitting what all of us feel at one time or another. FB announcements are just annoying and demoralizing. When a pregnancy in the IF community is announced it's a bizarre mixture of reactions encompassing the good and the bad, but it does give me hope too. And somedays i want to follow their story and hear all the cute pg updates and sometimes i need to stay far far away.....
Don't worry I feel the same way, most of the time even about our fellow IFers on BBC. I was feeling the same way for a little while with everyone having babies or getting ready to have babies. I felt like I was being left on the sidelines even with the IF community.
Ok, first, my blogroll updater thing-a-ma-jig has been acting whacky. I just now got the memo that you had posted this. WTF?
Anyways....
FACE BOOK!!!!! ARGHHHHH!!!!! I, too, was hit with a preggo (God, I hate that word) announcement this week. The girl was like, "I'm tired of waiting.........I'd like to announce that Baby #2 is on the way!!!" It took me -3 seconds to hide that s***.
And then, yesterday, one of my friends posted: "To all moms out there, join the fun and repost this. How much did your children weigh at birth? T 7lbs 11oz, M 3lbs 9 oz." WHAT. THE. F***? SER. I. OUS. LY???
I have at least 7 friends on permanent "hide" status right now because either a)they're pregnant b)they're pregnant, and every status update is a complaint about being pregnant c)they have babies/toddlers and make them the subject of every update.
Stop the insanity!
p.s. I'm also getting a case of the Mondays when it comes to reading about IF BFPS. =( You're not alone. *hugs*
Melissa, I'm sure no one's feelings are hurt, because although they are hard won pregnancies, I know I for one haven't forgotten a moment of what I felt before July- for every IF pregnancy there is a person who at one time felt the same way about other IF pregnancies that came before theirs.
That's just another element to the evil beast that IF is: we gain great friendships and support systems by people who "get it" only to see them suffer when someone achieves their goal.
You do what you can to protect your feelings and your heart first- everyone else comes after that.
I agree FB is evil. And the thing is that I am well aware that it is evil but I cannot stop myself from checking. What do I expect to see? Other IFers saying "damn it another BFN" as their status update????? Get real, its always the same old "damn this morning sickness" comment, or "God i'm fat" update... You're not alone and definately not a bad person for having those feelings about pregnancy announcements. They are so hard to deal with. It would be great if we could lock the fertile community up in their own closed community until all us IFers are well into a healthy pregnancy. Take care.
You're not whining. I think that pregnancy announcements for me will always give me a twinge. It may only last a couple of seconds instead of days but it will be there. Thanks for reading and commenting on my blog.
my comment dissappeared.... don't feel bad, do what you need to do to take care of yourself.
Your honesty is refreshing. I'm right there with you. Some of the IF successes can either make me positive about my own situation or sadden me even further (depends on the day...).
As for FB, don't bother to go on it much anymore. Especially when a friend of mine continues to post pics of her adorable 3 year old with captions like, "My angel making snow angels". or "My girl's first date at the movies".
Completely with you on the facebook annoucements. Just tell peoeple, text people but don't announce it to the press! It's smug enough when you're not wanting to be pregnant, let alone when you are.. yeesh, I sound like a bitter mint x
I'm with you.
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