Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Blogher Anyone?

When you're open with your friends about your infertility, it can sometimes negatively effect/impact those relationships. Especially when they get pregnant. You may remember the friends I mentioned who avoided us for several months, then finally called us when they couldn't hide it anymore were twenty weeks along. Then to add insult to injury I never got an invitation to her shower... It was later determined that her mother had used the address list from her wedding (Brian and I were both in the wedding party) which had our old P.O. Box listed, so I never got it. Even though we have gone to see their baby, and Brian and the husband keep in contact, our friendship has never been the same. And occasionally whilst taking stock of things, I'd feel sad about it. But as of last week I feel worse. The husband I spoke of was recently diagnosed with a pretty advanced form of Lung Cancer. He's 34.

It's shocking, and sad. And I have a lot of mixed emotions about it. Brian is taking it pretty hard. It's scary when you start to think about how short life really is, or can be. And thought of cancer has been haunting me lately. Yes, our situation with infertility sucks. But it's not life threatening. I haven't been able to complain to myself about much lately because I keep thinking - at least we're healthy. We're so lucky to be able to say that.

Then today I came across this post from A Year of Slow Cooking's blog. Her best friend' s sister has Breast Cancer. Her best friend also happens to work for a little company called Blogher, and is holding a raffle for those who donate to her sister's fund for medical bills that aren't covered by insurance. The Prize? A Full Conference Pass to the SOLD OUT 2010 Blogher Convention in New York City. Not too shabby.

I'll be the first to speak up about how much infertility sucks, but I think it's only than fair to say that Cancer sucks more.

15 comments:

Jessica said...

Oh my goodness, that's horrible:( I give chemo everyday to cancer patients and it really puts things into perspective. It does help me when I start to think that infertility is the end of the world. Those patients and their families go through so much and it's heartbreaking. I will be praying for your friend's hubby.

Alice said...

Wow, that's so tough and it does bring things into perspective. I really hope he can beat it. I have been inspired by some friends who have face cancer head on. Keep us posted.

I know your struggles with IF have made you a more empathetic and caring person (not that you weren't before!) - and you will be such a blessing to your friends in their time of need.

JourneyGirl & JourneyMan said...

Gosh, that really put things into perspective. That is really tough and you're right, even though IF is a roller coaster with pretty horrible stages, it is nothing like cancer - gosh, especially at 34, shocking.

Kerri said...

Oh my gosh, Melissa, that is so sad. Lung cancer at 34? I can't imagine. My heart goes out to that couple.

Infertility sucks, for sure. But I will second your notion that cancer (especially at such a young age) sucks a lot more.

Jessica said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend!! Cancer is devestating and seems to be running rampant...my mom died of cancer.
I will keep your friends in my thoughts.

Spit Happens said...

That is heartbreaking! I'm so sorry for your friends! Cancer is scary and I don't think there is anyone who hasn't been effected by it in some way (a family member or friend) and knows how devastating it can be. I'm sending prayers your friend's way.

MelissaP05 said...

Melissa, I'm so sorry for your friends. That's horrible, but I can understand all of your mixed emotions. It does make you step back and realize that even though we are dealing with IF, we don't have anything life-threatening.

Lisa said...

Thanks for this post. You're right. Life threatening or debilitating illness does put things in perspective. I learned the hard way last year that I'd rather have a healthy hubby, than a baby.

I was really sorry to hear about your friend... and I hope all the best for them.

Anonymous said...

Oh that is so sad. And you're right it does make you take stock of your life and grab onto what is really important. I cannot imagine how I would survive if my husband died, I wouldn't want to be here without him. Infertility is a bitch but Cancer must be the bitches mother.
Thinking of your friend and thanks for making us all feel a bit more humble and grateful for what we have. x

quadmom said...

I am so sorry to hear about your friend. You are right, IF sucks but cancer sucks way, way more. During our IF journey we lost 2 family members to cancer and a 3rd got diagnosed. Health is a very precious thing.

Hillary said...

Oh, Melis, I'm so sorry about your friend's recent diagnosis. :( I agree with you and try to remind myself of the truth that I have my health, my DH, etc. when the IF days are bad.

Once Upon A Time said...

Things like this helps you remember that everyone is fighting some sort of battle, and you never know what kinds of things are on other people's plates. Praying for your friend.

P.S. Thought about you during the Sharks/Wild game- and then had a dream about Pavelski being in my house that night. :)

lastchanceivf said...

That is just awful about your friend's husband. It makes me shudder and squeeze my DH tightly. It seems more and more I am hearing of younger people with cancer and it's so scary. Probably some of the same things contributing to the rise in IF are contributing to earlier cancer...I'm not sure. But you're right, it does give us some perspective and it's always a good thing to feel lucky.

Jamie said...

Melissa--I know we talked a little on the phone, but I just wanted to say I am so very sorry about your friend's diagnosis of cancer. He is so young and on the heels of expecting a baby. It is not fair. It also sounds like being twisted up in sadness and guilt and more sadness. Please don't be hard on yourself because I know you will be an awesome friend in the way that you can show your support. Thinking about you and your friends. Hugs!

Anonymous said...

I got chills reading the first part of this post- I am right there. I have two of my closest friend due within a month of each other. It has been hard- and their joy was tamped b/c they knew how hard it was going to be on ME. Sigh. They don't call and tell me little stuff, or anything. I get no emails, no updates, no pictures of bellies. It is nice that they are considerate- but the friend in me from before the IF pain is hurting.
It sucks.

I am sorry about your friend's husband. That is so very, very tragic. I will be sending some good thoughts his way.

IF does suck- but I agree with you...Cancer suckeths even more.