I'm starting to feel like an idiot... For being so upset about my friend's announcement. I'm not saying that my feelings were unwarranted. "Feelings are not right or wrong, they just are", said Mom on the other end of my blubbering phone call last week. What she should have said was PULL YOUR SHIT TOGETHER MELISSA. Their news is NOT a plot against you. Get OVER yourself... Which is sort of what Brian did when I told him the news that morning. Only instead of thanking him for giving me a reality check, I picked a fight with him. He was gentle about it. He really just told me that he was happy for them, and that I should be too. It's not that I wasn't happy for them. I'm glad that they won't have to deal with any of this. I would never wish them the heartache of IF. EVER.
So I've moved on. I feel fine. The reason I know that is because my friend's wife posted a 12 week belly shot on facebook last night, and it didn't bother me. Yeah, I know I was surprised too. So is it because Brian waved the Your-being-incredibly-self-centered-and-childish-flag? Or is it because I am a week away from my first real cycle and I think there is a chance that I could be pregnant at her baby shower? Probably both, so if I bitch about it again, just remind me about this post will ya? Thanks again for all the hugs!
6 comments:
I am so glad you are feeling better about it- I KNEW you'd feel better about it soon. I really think the blindside is the worst- once we have time to get used to the idea, it is not as bad. But just the same- you're feelings are very valid and ok, even if they resurface later. And no one, not DHs or moms gets that quite like a fellow IFer does.
Haha, Melissa, you crack me up.
Having said that, I can relate 100%. I have definitely been there- I think anyone who has ever dealt with IF has definitely been there. And if they say they haven't, they're probably not being entirely truthful with themselves. Being upset about a friend's pregnancy doesn't necessarily mean that you're not happy with them; it means that your situation is unfair and it sucks and you wish you could be pregnant along with them. Totally normal. I like what your mom said about feelings- very true. Anyway, I can't believe how soon you start your cycle! Woohoo!
Hey we all have those moments. It just takes time to let them pass - and at least you're honest about how you truly feel, rather than pretending to feel something you don't.
I know, I know. It's true. Still, it's hard to reconcile your own grief with someone else's happiness at times. I don't think it's selfish, I think it's life.
I'm just getting caught up now, and am so sorry to hear about the deflating news last week. I've been on the receiving end of a lot of those calls and e-mails (some of our friends lapped us TWICE), and it sucks no matter how much you love the parents-to-be. I tended to have a similar reaction to yours -- totally heartbroken at first, and then a little ashamed once the news settled in. I think it's perfectly normal -- and definitely a part of this shitty battle us IF folks are a part of.
Wishing you peace and lots of luck with your upcoming IUI.
I can't say that I don't know where you are coming from. ALL of our family and friends have at least one kid. It's heartbreaking. And while I'm always happy for them, there is almost always a moment of WTF before I move on to feeling sad for us...
I'm excited to follow your journey through DI... :)
*hugs*
Post a Comment