Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Because One Wasn't Enough

I got to see another negative pregnancy test this morning.

You see, AF still hasn't shown. I stopped my progesterone on Saturday; for the last two cycles it only took her a day and a half to show. And I've still been experiencing those mysterious cramps, only to a higher degree. My lower back cramps actually woke me up the night before. Because they were so persistent, and so intense, on top of the fact that I rarely ever have them AND my period was still MIA, gave me the tiniest glimmer of hope. What if I'm one of those weird phenomenons who don't get a positive test at 14dpiui, or what if the test was faulty??? I thought. When I should have known better that her absence was yet another cruel joke.

Last night during my brief spell of hope, I battered myself with the what ifs. I chastised myself for drinking caffeine, and alcohol before AF actually showed as proof that this cycle was a bust. Again. But alas it was all for nothing. AGAIN. I don't have to refer to Drgoogle to find out what happens when if you stop taking your progesterone in early pregnancy. I'll continue to wear a panty liner, and expect her appearance each time I head to the ladies room. Gosh if I'm lucky she'll show up on Friday.

MERRY CHRISTMAS Melissa!
Love,
Your empty uterus.

18 comments:

Eileen said...

There is nothing worse than stark whiteness staring at you in the morning. So sorry you are going through this at the holidays. *BIG HUGS*

*ICLW*

Katie said...

Melissa, I'm so sorry. I hope you can still enjoy Christmas with your dh. We've all been there, and it totally sucks.

On another note, I am making my blog private due to some family situations, and I have discovered that I can't write openly and honestly with family members reading my blog!

If you want to still follow me, please send me your email address!

Merry Christmas!
Katie

Katie said...

Oops, my email is musikatie@gmail.com.

Melissa G said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Brandy said...

I'm so sorry! It takes about five days for my period to start after stopping progesterone. I hope your Christmas isn't too gloomy!

www.brandysheaif.blogspot.com

Jessica White said...

I'm so sorry sweetie *hugs*

Jendeis said...

I'm sorry sweetie. This blows.

For holiday cheer, I give you the following: "You will notice that I am dressed. I, in turn, have noticed that you are not. So, in the words of A.A. Milne, get out of my chair, dillhole."

Hillary said...

Ugh, I am so sorry. I am so sorry about the BFN and all the pain that goes with it. Thinking of you.

Jessica said...

I wish AF would either show up or you could get a positive pregnancy test, but being in limbo SUCKS!! I'm so sorry....

Anonymous said...

I am sorry.

Anonymous said...

ICLWer here.

Sorry about the insult of AF still not arriving after the BFN. Progesterone always did that to me too. Hope really does spring eternal doesn't she? Bitch.

I hope 2010 brings you better luck.

quadmom said...

I'm so sorry, Melissa. I hope you guys are able to enjoy your holidays a little bit despite this horrible situation. I hope that this is the last time you ever feel broken-hearted like this and that 2010 is your year. Thinking of you. *hugs*

Jo said...

Oh, honey. That is heartbreaking to say the least.

Not to give you any false hope, but my very best friend NEVER had a positive pregnancy test, even at six weeks. And yet, she has two beautiful, healthy, perfect children.

It DOES happen.

Hugs,
Jo

Jen said...

Not knowing is so not fun. I am so very sorry, and thinking of you!

~ICLW

Kelly said...

I'm so sorry. I hate that feeling.

(((HUGS)))

ICLW

R.J. said...

Sorry Melissa, I've been there too. No matter how much we go through there's that little bit of optimist left in us. Thinking of you and hope you forgot the pain and found some joy this Christmas.

Unknown said...

Melissa,

SO so sorry. I hope that 2010 will definitely be the year when you and your hubby hold your child.

ICLW hugs,
Emma

Alison said...

Oh, so sorry - terrible timing right before the holidays. Hang in there.
-ICLW