E2=MG Stalled (Help Needed)

I went in this morning for my E2 (Estrodial) and CBC (platelet count). In order to get the clearance to start FSH and hMG (Follistim & Menopur), your E2 level needs to be lower than 70. When I went in last week to get instructions for administering Lupron, the nurse reviewed our calendar and explained how things would proceed step by step from here on out.

On January 20th, I would take my last active BCP and wait for my period to show. My next appointment would be January 25th, today, for the E2 & CBC. She then explained that if my period hadn’t shown by today, my E2 levels would likely not be low enough to get cleared to start stims. I tried not to panic this weekend as my spotting noticeably cleared up (just in time right?), and then fortunately yesterday morning she made her appearance. And let me just say her presence is much more substantial than normal. So naturally I was pretty pumped. I knew that her presence by yesterday would mean that my levels would be dropping considerably. This morning Brian and I happily showed up at 8:30 for my blood draw and for the rest of the instructions on how to work the Follistim Pen and how to mix Menopur. The nurse was sweet and told me she’d call herself when she got the results back. And so she did. And as soon as the phone rang I had a funny feeling the news would not be good…


My E2 level? 346.


Fuck.


So. I was told as of now, not to start stims Thursday night. But I will need to go in Thursday morning for another E2 check, and an ultrasound to rule out any cysts. Fuck.


I have of course consulted Dr. Google only to find horrible information that makes me think IVF will never work for us. Basically one site indicated that elevated levels can point to a problem with ovarian reserve. Which can significantly lower IVF success rates. The only thing that kept me from hurtling myself on to the train tracks, was that I pulled up my records from my Full Blood panel on CD3 in October, and my E2 was 34. So the other possible scenarios, which I discussed with my nurse are:


A) It could be due to a Cyst. I have never had or been diagnosed with a cyst before, but I am technically poly cystic – so maybe now is just the time. Fanfuckingtastic.

B) My nurse said she has seen cases where Lupron actually causes stimulation instead of suppression, which in that case would cause a higher E2.


Now comes the part where I get to stew and over analyze things without having factual information to back it up. In the last few weeks I have, off and on, felt a strange pinching twinge on my right side near where my ovary would be. My right side is my dominant side, if that means anything at all. No pain, just a weird pinch while sitting up in bed, sporadically. It could have been gas, who knows.


Here are my concerns: I’m only on 10 units of Lupron per day. Which seems low compared to other bloggers – I know, I know, you’re not supposed to compare cycles since everyone is different. But really it seems low.


I could really use some more information about this, whether from experience or a reputable website.


HALP!

42nd Time Wasn't the Charm

This month represents our 42nd cycle of trying to get pregnant.

Normally AF's appearance would be greeted with a glass of wine and a good cry, but today it means something else.

It's CD1 of our first IVF cycle.
(and hopefully only)

I'll start BCP's the day after Christmas. My nurse gave me our tentative schedule, and I haven't been this excited about anything in a very, very long time. I want a BFP so fucking badly I can taste the after vomit from morning sickness... (too far? oh well.)

12/26 Start Birth Control Pills

12/29 & 1/12 Humira Injections (for Immunology Issues/ Neutralize Cytokines)

1/16 Start Lupron Injections

1/20 Last BCP

1/25 Estradiol & CBC, Blood Tests

1/27 Start Follistim

2/2 Estradiol, Prolactin, NK & TH1/2, Ultrasound & back up Semen Sample

2/6 - 9 Estimated Retrieval

2/9 - 16 Estimated Transfer (they prefer a day 5 transfer)

Beta at 13 days past transfer

Fall 2011 - We become parents

Presumptuous? Yes. But monkeys? I can't afford to be anything BUT hopeful....

Anyhoo, this might be my last post for 2010 (and good riddance to this year, I'm so OVER it). So I'd like to take this take this opportunity to thank all of you who offered unwavering support through my year of "recovery", then wish everyone a Merry Christmas; if that's your bag, but more than anything I wish you all a very, very Happy 2011.

Been There, Hoped That

Even though ninety-nine percent of me is brimming with excitement over our upcoming cycle and testing, there is still an echo of the fact that we've been here before. And more than that, I can't help but think of how many of you out there are still struggling after having switched clinics in hopes that the next ART cycle would be your last (meaning you got, and stayed pregnant) but then, to no avail...

But I can't keep thinking like that. Every situation is different. And it'll be in my best interest to stick with the positive thoughts instead of the "fuck,what if..." thoughts. No need to unearth the crazy just yet.

So the phone consult went great. Really, really great. He instantly acknowledged that we'd "been at it for a while". Yes, indeed we have. He said based on my previous test results, he was rather surprised that none of our IUI's worked. And if you're keeping count, he is the THIRD RE to make the same comment. He said after, six dIUI's, there would have been at least a 50% chance that I should have had some sort of positive. So he'd like to run a full immunological blood panel, as well as a refresher on the standard tests. And he was happy with the results of my first HSG so I won't need to do another one - yippiekiyay motherfucker, that shit hurt. He did say that he was slightly concerned that I may have an ovarian issue of the Poly Cystic variety - EVEN IF I'm ovulating regularly. (Boo.)

As for Brian, the doctor was very pleased to hear that he'd been on supplements since June. He'd like to get a current SA done, and would also like to bank 2-3 vials of his sperm for our IVF cycle. He said Brian will of course need to provide a fresh sample the day of my retrieval, but this will give us a fall back in case there are any issues with his sample on the big day. I feel really good about that.

After he finished his side of the questions he opened the floor up to us. My first concern unfortunately, was about money. I told him that we had met with an OBGYN earlier in the year who mentioned working with him. When we met with this guy in January I thought he was a total yahoo (still do), and referred to him here as Dr. Do Little. His only saving grace was his affiliation with our Doctor and that he offered to run a blood panel for me under "Infectious Diseases" as opposed to "Infertility" so that it would get covered by our insurance... This is the same exact panel that our new RE would like to order. Since I knew that might be the case I called last week to see if they would still be open to the insurance deception, and much to my delight they agreed.

I'm pretty grateful that my cycle just happened to coincide with the seminar and phone consult, so tomorrow I will go in for a CD3 blood panel, (FSH, Estrodial, etc.), then have three separate vials drawn for the immunological tests which will be shipped off to Chicago. And last but not least our RE would like to see me for a CD3 Antra follicle count (ultrasound). Not really looking forward to that one, but it will be nice to meet him formally. Can you even call it "formal" if I don't have pants on?

Anyway, one more good thing. He said we qualify for both the Shared Risk Program- where we'd get 90% of our money put back on our credit card refunded if a fresh IVF cycle and subsequent FET's did not result in a pregnancy exceeding twelve weeks; and the Two Cycle Program - in which would would be given a substantial discount upon paying for two cycles upfront. The jury's still out on this one, vacillating blog post to come.

In summation my friends, I'm pretty fricken excited. Moderately terrified underneath it all, but so, SO ready to move forward.

Nope.

If I had published this morning when AF showed, this would be a very different post.

I was furious. I was defeated. I was crushed. Again. I wanted to yell at someone. I wanted to scream at Dr. Rawks because he told me I'd be pregnant by now, and I believed him. You're young. Your lining looks great. Your periods are regular. Natural cycles will be just fine. I'm taking all my supplements, and doing acupuncture. My blood tests are flawless. Our timing has been perfect. I'M DOING EVERYTHING RIGHT. WHY THE FUCK AM I NOT PREGNANT YET?!?!

But it was a different story when the good doctor called me back. He sounded genuinely disappointed. He understood my frustration. He thinks we should move forward with meds too. Unfortunately we can't do injectables just yet. We need to take a class to learn how to administer them, and I'd have to start on the medication tomorrow. So he's putting me on Letrozole, which is like clomid but supposedly has less side effects. I'll have an ultrasound on October 6th, to check the progress and see how many follicles look ready. If they seem large enough I may not need to use Ovidrel to trigger. In addition I will start OPK's on October 4th, just in case. He said it's possible that they could get large enough for me to ovulate on my own. But to plan on using Ovidrel. Then I'll go in for a single IUI. And finish off this cycle with Prometrium suppositories. Fun.

So now instead of fury, I at least feel content with our new plan. And I feel even better knowing I'll get to hang out with an amazing group of ladies from the IF community tonight. I was lucky enough to have lunch with the lovely, hilarious and talented Meg. a few weeks ago. And I'm grateful that she's invited me out to spend a little quality time with some other women who know what it's like. I could really use that tonight. Thank you so much Meg. See you soon.

My Big Fat Failure

I've gone back and fourth between feeling numb and overwhelmingly disappointed. Although today is a little better. The wound is still fresh so I am feeling pretty hopeless. I feel like this year has gone by so fast and that we are going to have to endure another holiday season with nothing to look forward to. Ugh. Halloween will be here before you know it. I of course have been thinking about what I could have done differently... Should I have tried harder to loose a few pounds? Are we wasting our time with IUI's? Should I ask for Clomid to increase our chances? If it doesn't work this time, where is the closest bridge I can jump off? Etc... (KIDDING) I am just so tired of all of this. I'm tired of feeling jealous of my pregnant IRL friends. I'm tired of feeling like it is never going to happen. I'm just plain exhausted from feeling sad. When is this all going to be a distant painful memory instead of what I wake up to every morning? I am completely aware that it doesn't always work on the first try. And I'm sure my complaint sounds paltry after only one failure, but it sucks nonetheless. Dr. Rawks even said it would probably take a few tries. But damn it. I just got over the DI hurdle and was starting to feel a little more normal. Now I have a failed cycle to kick my teeth in.

I don't blame myself for over analyzing my symptoms, I still cannot recall a time when my "girls" hurt as much as they did last week. In fact they still hurt, which is weird. They normally feel better after I get my period. And spotting consistently for two days before a period is not normal either. I have had a hint of spotting the day before, but not all day for two days in a row. Note to self for next month: STOP DISSECTING SYMPTOMS, IT'S GOING TO KILL YOU.

So during this week I have been avoiding personal emails, forums, and blogs at work. I've had to stay focused on work during my lunch to keep from losing it at my desk. Fortunately this week was busy. One of the things I am responsible for is the company newsletters that go in with the paychecks. In every newsletter there is a famous quote. This month's quote:

"When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on"

-Franklin D. Roosevelt

CD1

After having a somewhat rough weekend I was greeted this morning with AF, and I have never been so happy to see her. I am now about two weeks away from my IUI. I am trying to get myself in a good place emotionally. So I've been working really hard at staying positive. But Friday's news sort of took the wind out of my sails. Thank you so much for all of your hugs and warm thoughts by the way. They really, really helped. I am just so thankful for this community.

I'm stuck in a weird place. I have this nagging voice in my head that keeps telling me to sluff off the heavy skin that keeps my optimism at a minimum. But it's hard not to be negative after all this. And I've always been a "Don't count your chickens till they hatch" kinda girl. So when I hear this voice, I all of a sudden feel like painting my spare bedroom because I may not be able to be around paint fumes in a short while. But then the other side of me, says PUT THAT PAINTBRUSH DOWN, there's nobody to paint for yet!

So here's my problem... I have a three-day weekend coming up... What should I do? Paint while I can take the VOC's? Or tan and read the stack of books that is piling up on my nightstand???